The Distance
by WildCherry45
Summary: AU; Future-fic. Haley is working in New York when Nathan appears, stirring up old memories and past love. (Nathan & Haley) COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

  
  
There were some things in life that she didn't understand.  
  
Like why all women would pause and admire a Vera Wang wedding gown when they passed a Barney's window display. Even if they promised themselves and many others that they just weren't interested in getting married, they would still always pause, and admire.  
  
She always did find amusement in little things. Growing up, she didn't have many friends. Actually, she only had one friend. Lucas Scott. And that was all that she needed.  
  
That probably explained why she was so quirky and odd and why when she went shopping in the city, she paid more attention to the people then the actual clothing. She never would've pictured herself here in the middle of a large city with sky high buildings and fancy shops.  
  
She had grown up in Tree Hill, North Carolina and went to Tree Hill High with a student body of 800 guys and girls. Some may say she had lived a sheltered life. But, she would say she hadn't lived at all.  
  
She had merely existed.  
  
That was, until she met Nathan Scott. He changed her world in so many ways that it should've scared her. And, it did. It scared her. It affected her. He had made an imprint on her life and sometimes Haley wondered if he even knew that.  
  
Maybe she would never know.  
  
Here she was, at 24, graduated from college, in the big city, New York and all she could think about was an old flame from the past. That was her, Haley James, by far the most ordinary girl on the surface but so radically different beneath.  
  
That was one of the things he liked most about her.  
  
Haley walked down the streets of New York, admiring the skyscrapers and vast majority of people, going about their everyday lives. Some were smiling. Some were frowning. Some had no expression. Some were laughing. Some were yelling. Some were screaming. So many people, so different then what she was used to.  
  
This was life. This was what life was supposed to be.  
  
Diversity, excitement, something new, fresh, and different. Something she had once before, but lost. Something she had in Nathan Scott.  
  
Something she still wished she had.  
  
Haley stopped walking for a moment as she paused in the street. No one else cared. Everyone walked around her, no one touched her, talked to her or even looked at her. As if she was poison and that if they merely spared one second for her then they would be tainted.  
  
The coldness of it all shocked her as Haley felt the numbness leaving her. She moved her legs and continued walking up the sidewalk, hoping to reach her destination sooner.  
  
She was in New York for a job interview. She had just graduated and her prospects were high. She had majored in business at UNC Chapel Hill, one of the best business colleges in the country and back in North Carolina, she would've been big, she would've been great. She would've had a guaranteed, no questions asked, solid future.  
  
But, she didn't want reassurances. She had safety her whole life. She was something different. She wanted something new.  
  
She wanted something like Nathan. She wanted a challenge that was foreign but worth it.  
  
She wanted New York. That was the reason why she was standing in front of a prestigious company, knowing that even if she did get a job, she would be at the bottom, spending months, maybe even years to work her way to the top. She wouldn't start out with a sky high gorgeous office like she always dreamed.  
  
She would start out serving coffee and making copies. She would start out being nothing more then a lackey. The New York term was 'personal assistant' but she knew better.  
  
At least she would be a personal assistant to a pretty darn important person. The director of international sales. Mr. Christopher Scott.  
  
The last name stroke her at first but now it was in the back of her mind. There were probably a million other people with a last name of Scott in this world. There was no relation.  
  
Then again, with her luck, you really never knew.  
  
Haley bit back her surmisements and pushed her way through the revolving doors. Entering the building, she gasped as her eyes got wide and her hands became sweaty. It was the most beautiful building she had ever seen.  
  
High rise ceiling with a crystal chandelier hanging down. Marble floor with gold lining. Every where around her were clicks of heels and shoes. It was the sound of success and Haley relished in it.  
  
Raising her head up, she walked across the floor confidently, placing a cool and calm look upon her face as she walked into the bathroom. She turned on the faucet, the cool water flowing from the metal and onto her hands before dripping down the white porcelain. She looked up at the mirror and brushed back a stray hair before making sure her bun was still neat. Giving herself a reassuring smile, she walked out of the bathroom and into the main lobby.  
  
She stood in front of the elevators and raised an eyebrow as she watched a man nervously stab the elevator button. Smiling, she said good naturedly, "You know, pushing it multiple times isn't going to make the elevator arrive any faster."  
  
The man quickly turned around and smiled nervously, "Can you tell I'm anxious?"  
  
"I'm not sure if that's the word I'll use."  
  
"I've got a meeting with the boss. And, I can't be late."  
  
"You won't be," Haley reassured, "Just calm down. I'm pretty sure you don't want to go in looking dissheveled."  
  
"No, no," he said nodding, "That's the last thing I want." Letting out a sigh of relief when the elevator finally arrived, he rushed in and gave Haley a small smile.  
  
She stepped in, moving to the back so there was space for others as well. Looking up at the ceiling, she closed her eyes and calmed her nerves, knowing that things would be going her way. This felt right. This job was going to be her ticket to the top, no matter how long it took for her to get there.  
  
She felt someone nudge her elbow and her eyes snapped open, realizing that it was the nervous man she was conversing with only moments before.  
  
"What level?"  
  
"45," she answered.  
  
There was then a mutual silence among the crowd as the elevator began to empty out, leaving only the nervous man and Haley alone.  
  
"It must be fate," she said with a smile.  
  
"Right," he said, tapping his shoe furiously against the floor.  
  
The elevator bell dinged once again and Haley silently walked out the door before she turned around and said softly, "You'll do good. Relax."  
  
Too nervous to reply, his thanks was in his eyes as he nodded before the elevator door closed. Haley turned back around and walked up to the secretary's desk. She forced out a smile before saying, "I have an appointment with Mr. Scott."  
  
"Are you his 3:00?" She asked as she flipped through what Haley assumed was an appointment book thought it looked more like one of those large encyclopedias you found at a library.  
  
"Yeah, Haley James."  
  
"Ahh, Ms. James," the secretary smiled fakely before she stood up and curled her manicured finger at her, "This way please. He's been expecting you."  
  
"Great," she breathed before she followed the secretary, wishing that her fears would subside.  
  
"Mr. Scott," the secretary announced, "Your 3:00 is here."  
  
Haley frowned. His 3:00? Apparently she had no name anymore, she was merely someone's 3:00. Then again, this was New York. She shouldn't have expected anymore. Immediately wiping the frown off her her face, she walked through the open door and smiled cooly. Reaching out her hand, she gave him a strong handshake before he motioned for her to sit down.  
  
Crossing her legs, she leaned back slightly though still remaining upright. She relaxed her shoulders and lightly placed her hands against the seat rest. Making sure her posture was comfortable yet confident, she looked him in the eye and awaited the questioning.  
  
"So, Ms. James," Mr. Scott said slowly, "I've looked over your files and might I say, impressive background," he paused, "Academic wise."  
  
"Thank you," she said with a firm smile though she could taste the subtle jab in the two sided compliment.  
  
"You are a bit younger then I expected. Here in New York, the competition is fierce. What makes you think you're ready?"  
  
Slightly taken back at the audacity of his question, she answered strongly, "No one ever really knows if they're ready or not. I'd rather try my best while I can then die waiting."  
  
"You're truthful, I like that," he paused yet again and Haley could already feel the insult upon his lips. "Rash though. I need someone who's dependable."  
  
Haley resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She was being interviewed to be a damn coffee and copying girl for goodness sakes. Forcing a smile, she kept her voice steady, "First comes trust and you don't strike me as a character who trusts easily."  
  
"Touche," Mr. Scott smiled before cocking his head to the side. He intertwined his fingers before nodding, "You're hired."  
  
Surprised at his words, she smiled professionally, "When do I start?"  
  
"Tomorrow," he said simply. "Dana will fill you in on all the details."  
  
"Thank you for your time, Mr. Scott," she said before standing up and giving him another handshake. Walking out the door, Haley breathed a sigh of relief and walked towards the secretary's desk.

--  
  
"This is ridiculous," Haley said to herself as she finished making the copies. Hurriedly, she sorted out the papers but this process was stopped as Haley suddenly resisted the urge to scream and a stabbing pain pounded against her right forefinger. She immediately brought her finger to her lips as she sucked, trying her best to bite back the pain.  
  
She hated paper cuts.  
  
Shaking her finger, she finished sorting out the papers and rushed out the copying room and into Mr. Scott's office. In a hurry, she never noticed someone was sitting adjacent from him.  
  
"Okay, here are those copies you needed. The Miller Case will be sorted and ready by the end of the hour. Mr. Santos called and he said he wanted to renegotiate the Seine-Lorra deal and he wants you to call him back by 4:00." Letting out a sigh, Haley pushed a strand of her hair back as she looked up at Mr. Scott.  
  
"Well done, Ms. James," he praised with a smirk before he nodded towards his guest. "I believe in your hurried frenzy, you didn't notice my guest."  
  
"Oh, my-" she said slightly embarrassed, "I'm so sorry if I interrupted any- "  
  
"No worries. He's just family," Mr. Scott replied easily, "He's actually still new to this city and he's stuck under my care." He paused dramatically and suddenly exclaimed, "If you're not doing anything right now, Ms. James, why don't you show him around town?"  
  
Haley bit back the urge to roll her eyes. Mr. Scott was a lot of things but a good actor, he was not. "Sure," she said forcefully before she pressed her thumb against her forefinger.  
  
"Well, then, Nathan, why don't you meet your escort, Ms. Haley James."  
  
--


	2. Chapter 2

Time had stopped.  
  
Time had literally stopped and Haley felt as if everything around her slowed down as she watched the world as she knew it, shatter, piece by aching piece.  
  
This just wasn't possible. Nathan Scott was not sitting in front of her and his relative was not her boss. None of this made sense. A million thoughts ran through her head as she tried her best to process the fact that Nathan was truly sitting right in front of her.  
  
Damn, she must've pissed somebody up there because someone had been screwing with her karmic retribution. This couldn't be happening.  
  
Haley's eyes got wide as she instinctively backed away a few steps, not even hearing Mr. Scott giving her instructions and speaking to Nathan.  
  
He didn't seem to mind it all that much, either Scott that was. Seeing Haley seemed to have no effect on Nathan. It was as if he knew this would happen.  
  
On his face was that same cocky smirk. She hadn't seen that smirk in 6 years. 6 long years.  
  
"Ms. James, I do believe I'm giving you the rest of the day off. Look a little more lively," Mr. Scott said in a monotone as he looked over the papers she had handed to him only moments before.  
  
Haley felt as if every single vessel in her body would burst through her skin at the moment. She was starting to think that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Hell, spontaneous combustion was like heaven compared to being an 'escort' to Nathan Scott.  
  
Needless to say, things didn't end very well.  
  
Haley let out a deep sigh. She could do this. She could deal with her emotional breakdown issues later but right now she had a job. And, this was all it was... a job. She had to handle it like she never met him before in her life because technically she didn't.  
  
She wasn't the weak and easily manipulated, naive little girl anymore, she was Haley James. Strong, powerful, dominant and intimidating.  
  
Fuck Mr. Scott and his mysogynist ideals and screw Nathan Scott and his pride.  
  
She was better then both of them. Smiling fakely, she forced her hand out and said, "Welcome to New York, Mr. Scott."  
  
Nathan simply stared at her and then at her hand, acting as if he would get a disease from simply touching her. He turned his head around back to face his uncle, "Is it absolutely necessary for her to be my escort? I'm old enough to figure this city out on my own."  
  
"You're under my care, Nathan. I will not have you wandering around New York without a guide."  
  
Nathan looked back at Haley with stoney eyes, "I guess she'll do."  
  
Haley bit down on her tongue hard and resisted the urge to lash out at him and wipe the smirk off his face. She merely forced a larger smile as she walked out of the office, chirping, "Just follow me."  
  
As they walked through the office, Haley remained two strides in front of him, refusing to walk in pace with him. She would never sink down to his level. If he didn't want to be amiable, that was fine with her. She would deal with this.  
  
She refused to let Nathan Scott get to her.

--  
  
Haley stabbed at the elevator button, never realizing the irony in her actions as she tapped her foot against the marble floor, her heel making a ticking sound.  
  
Nathan rolled his eyes as he looked at the back of her body. She looked good, he would admit that. But, nothing else. She was nothing to him now. Just a simple play thing for him to mess around with and then throw aside... that was all.  
  
Thankful that the elevator finally arrived, Haley breezed in before she turned around and stabbed at the 'close doors' button. Nathan barely made it through before the doors closed and Haley stood by, arms crossed with a triumphant smile on her face.  
  
"Still childish?"  
  
She scoffed at his rhetorical question. Normally, if she wasn't so restrained, she would question him on his audacity but she was better now. She was above him.  
  
He was the one that was beneath her. Not the other way around.  
  
"So, you're not going to talk to me for the rest of the time?"  
  
Haley rolled her eyes, wishing the elevator would move faster. Why was it that the one time she didn't want to be alone, she was? Man.. someone up there must really not like her.  
  
"Come on, Hales-" Nathan said, his voice sickly sweet.  
  
She whipped around and said coldly though her eyes were filled with fire, "It's Ms. James to you. I am merely your guide, remember," she threw his words back at him, "I'm not your conversation partner so please, excuse me," her voice dripped with sarcasm, "if I'm not more talkative."  
  
"Still bitter, I see."  
  
She scoffed and turned back around.  
  
"You can't ignore me, Haley," he paused, "I mean, Ms. James. For the rest of the day, you'll do as I say."  
  
She faced him, eyes flaming and mouth open, unable to retain her anger any longer, "I'll what?" She demanded.  
  
"You'll do as I say," he repeated simply. "You work for my uncle and therefore, he had power over you and your paycheck. Now, the power is handed over to me, for the afternoon at least. You piss me off, I'll get you fired." He leaned in and said with a smile, "And, I think we both know you need this job."  
  
Haley's jaw tightened as she rolled her hands into fists before she forced out another smile, "Of course, Mr. Scott."  
  
"Call me Nathan."  
  
"I'd rather not."  
  
"I said," his voice was forceful, "Call me Nathan."  
  
"Fine," Haley replied, her voice tinted with annoyance, "Nathan."

--  
  
Haley took a deep breath as she walked outside, the crisp New York air wakening her senses. She closed her eyes for a brief moment as all her problems faded off into the distance. She was home. She was safe. She was relaxed.  
  
She was not stuck between a rock and a hard place because of her idiotic boss and her lack of luck. She turned around and saw Nathan walk up to her.  
  
Oh, wait. Yes, she was.  
  
Sighing, she rolled her eyes and said with a fake smile, "Nathan," she enunciated his name, "If we plan to get anything done today, we might want to move a little faster. New York moves on a quicker pace." Her words were stabbing but subtle. By the look in Nathan's eyes, it seemed he got her point.  
  
"I know, I was in Los Angeles before this."  
  
"Oh, right, lots of sun, beaches, and warm weather," Haley scoffed, "Just like New York."  
  
Nathan reached out and grabbed her elbow tightly, his grip strong but not hurting her. "I know you may not like me but you'd do well to at least respect me. For now, I'm your boss and you don't speak to your boss like that."  
  
Her eyes hardened and lost all humor as she stared into his eyes defiantly. She refused to let him put her down in that manner. She was not some easy to break girl but he was right. He was her boss and she had to respect him, even if she did loathe him. It was just for now. She could handle it, for now.  
  
"I'm sorry," she bit out before she forced herself to loosen the tension in her body, making her seem more relaxed. "It won't happen again," her voice was numb.  
  
"Better," Nathan said with a smirk as he let her go and took a few steps forward, "Now, lead the way."  
  
Haley walked towards the street as tears formed in her eyes, stinging her heart. It wasn't the words that hurt, though they did, it was the tone. She knew before that when she came to New York, she would be nothing compared to all the other experienced workers. But, never before had she ever thought she would be treated with such disrespect, especially coming from Nathan Scott.. someone who she had given her whole heart to before. She stopped herself from travelling back down memory lane. She glanced back at Nathan and realized the truth in their situation.  
  
Whatever they had before and whoever they were before was gone and in the past.  
  
"Taxi," Haley yelled into the street as she raised her arm up high, sniffling as she surpressed her urge to cry. She refused to let him win. She may have to be his perfect little doll for the rest of the day but that didn't mean she had to be completely submissive. She wouldn't let him get the best of her.  
  
He didn't deserve it.  
  
A yellow cab pulled up and she opened the door, gesturing for Nathan to go in, "Sir," she said coldly, purposely not using his name.  
  
"I thought I told you-"  
  
"Nathan," she quickly amended before she slammed the car door shut. Walking to the passenger side of the car, she got in and said to the cabbie, "5th Avenue."  
  
"Miss, you need to-"  
  
Haley turned to him, her face blank, "5th Avenue."  
  
"Of course, miss," he said quickly, knowing better than to argue with a pissed off woman living in New York. It wasn't breaking the law having her sit up in the front and it looked like whoever was sitting in the back wasn't too pleased about her choice of where to sit. Then again, he was just a cabbie and there was no way he wanted to get involved in the tension that was obvious between the two.  
  
"Why are you sitting up there?" Nathan asked, keeping his voice light and disinterested.  
  
"Respect," Haley said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Her eyes got wide and innocent as she said mockingly, "I wouldn't dare sit next to the honorable Nathan Scott. I'm not worthy."  
  
The cabbie pushed down the laugh bubbling inside him as he continued driving.  
  
Nathan merely stared at her in the rearview mirror, his eyes cold. Haley stared back for a few moments as if challenging him before she broke the gaze. It hurt too much.  
  
He was still too much like what he was before but she kept reminding herself that he wasn't.  
  
That person was dead. Nathan Scott was now dead inside.  
  
--


	3. Chapter 3

"Here it is," Haley said as a hint of awe entered her voice as she looked at the tall buildings and beautiful shops, "5th Avenue." Smiling, she momentarily forgot who she was with and added jokingly, "Where all your dreams come true."  
  
Nathan raised an eyebrow, "Isn't that DisneyWorld?"  
  
"Maybe to little kids but not me. Here, this is where dreams come true." She whispered to herself, "New York." Ignoring Nathan, she took a few steps forward as the energy and livelihood of the streets took hold. A genuine smile appeared on her face as she turned around and for a moment, he smiled back and it felt different. It felt real.  
  
But, she immediately wiped the smile off her face as she reminded herself that the past was past. It was gone. Why couldn't she get that through her head?  
  
Nathan's brow furrowed as he noticed the sudden change in her attitude. The words of concern formed in his mouth before he forced them down. He no longer cared for Haley James anymore. She was a part of a past he didn't want to rekindle. She was nothing to him.  
  
Nothing.  
  
"I hope you brought some money," Haley said, her voice flat, "This stuff ain't exactly cheap."  
  
"I know," Nathan said as she pointed at the the store around the corner, "There."  
  
Haley looked up, not surprised with which store he chose first, "Saks, of course."  
  
They walked together down the street, side by side. To any onlooker, they would've been the perfect couple. The ultimate picture of success. A wealthy, handsome young man with his beautiful and sophisticated trophy wife.  
  
Appearances were always deceiving.  
  
Entering the store, Haley followed Nathan around as he browsed. They both remained quiet before he finally spoke, "So, you plan to just take me shopping for the whole day?"  
  
"I can take you elsewhere. I just figured you'd want to do the tourist thing and shop," Haley said as she shrugged.  
  
"Right," he held up two suits and asked, "The black one or the navy blue one?"  
  
"Is there a difference?" Haley asked with a raised eyebrow, "Seriously, go for a little variety." She browsed the racks and picked a rich blue that wasn't too light and wasn't too dark, it was perfect for his height and with the right shirt, it would bring out his eyes, "Here, try this one."  
  
He frowned, "I don't like it."  
  
"You didn't even look at it," Haley said as she pushed the suit into his hands, "Just try it."  
  
He raised an eyebrow but never got a chance to open his mouth.  
  
"Please, Nathan?" She added, knowing that he needed that little extra push. Smug bastard. "Here, try this shirt along with it and," she paused, looking around, "This tie."  
  
A few minutes later, Nathan reappeared and Haley, unconciously, took in a large breath. He was delicious and the perfect picture of wealth and prestige. He looked... Haley paused before sighing, this was going to turn out bad. She could already tell. Even though he was an ass to her, she still had a soft spot for him. Blame it on her soft side but even she couldn't deny that Nathan Scott affected her more then she wanted him to.  
  
She took a few steps forward and smiled, not knowing that her whole face was glowing, "Wow, I'm impressed."  
  
He examined himself in the mirror though he paid more attention to the petite brunette standing behind him then the actual clothing, "I like it," he said softly. Though what he liked was left uncertain.  
  
She raised her eyes to his and was slighlty taken aback by the intensity in his gaze, "It looks good on you."  
  
"I can't figure out this tie though," he said with a slight pout, "Never could put them on properly."  
  
Laughing, she took the tie in her hands and began putting it on for him, "That's kind of depressing, isn't it?"  
  
"Now I wonder why you're so good with this," he said in a slight teasing tone.  
  
"Brothers and a dad with no coordination. It was crucial that I learn," she said as her voice got softer as she thought about her family.  
  
Nathan's eyes were on her the whole time and he couldn't have helped but wonder what could've been. This whole scenario could've been playing out in what should've been their picture perfect family. Haley as his loving wife and him as the successful father. She would help him with his tie and afterwards, they would kiss, like in the movies. Like in the dreams and fantasies he had when he was young. When she was done, she leaned back slighlty and smiled at him again. And, for the first time in a long while, he felt a tingle in his cold heart.  
  
She was a perfect reminder of what should've been. What could've been. What was supposed to be his.. but wasn't.  
  
Before he could put any more thought into it, a saleslady walked up to them with a wide smile and glaring white teeth. "So, does the wife like the suit?"  
  
Haley frowned, first off at her words. You'd think someone on the female side would be a little bit more careful with her words but nope, the saleslady was just as bad as the rest of them. This was what spending too much time uptown would do to you. "I'm not-"  
  
"We're satisfied," Nathan cut in before Haley could finish, "I'll take it."  
  
Haley stared up at him in confusion but smartly remained quiet.  
  
He was an enigma. He always was and most likely always would be.  
  
Maybe, there was a part of the old him still left inside. Haley watched as he turned around, giving her a hint of a smile as he walked towards the dressing room.  
  
Maybe.

--  
  
"So, where to next?" Nathan asked as they walked out of the department store.  
  
Haley looked up and down the streets before sighing, "Well, we could shop for a few more hours and then go check out the Met or the Guggenheim." She paused, "Are you at all interested in art?"  
  
He looked amused at the question, "Why? Don't I look it?"  
  
"I really wouldn't coin you as a connossieur but," her voice trailed off as she looked away. What was this? Was she actually being amiable to him? This was the jerk that degraded her only an hour ago by verbally abusing her and she was being amiable. It didn't make sense. It was like something inside her just didn't want to be cruel with him. He was Nathan. That used to mean something special to her.  
  
Now, she didn't know what it meant.  
  
"What's the exhibit at the Guggenheim right now?"  
  
"Rosenquist, I think. They might've changed it already though."  
  
"Rosenquist," Nathan paused, "Modern art?"  
  
"Very," Haley nodded, "Think pop art."  
  
"Ahh," he shrugged, "I'm not really into that."  
  
"Not surprising," Haley muttered as she crossed her arms, unsure of what to do next. This was just beyond weird.  
  
"Food," Nathan said suddenly, "I'm dying for something sweet."  
  
Haley bit her lip as she thought, never noticing how Nathan's eyes narrowed at the movement.  
  
What the hell was wrong with him? A simple gesture like that shouldn't have gotten to him as much as it did. But, he found himself with a craving for her. A craving to be near her and invoke any emotion. That was why he was so cruel to her earlier. Not just because he was confused, though he didn't show it. He didn't know what to do and so his defenses came up. He went through the normal stages of denial, trying to convince himself that he was no longer interested in her... after all, she was supposed to be nothing to him, but she was something.  
  
She always had been.  
  
6 years had passed though. That should've changed everything but Nathan was beginning to wonder if anything had changed at all. Sure, physically they did and their situations were different with the relocations but mentally, were they still the same? He knew that he was better at getting his defenses up and manipulating but deep inside, he was still the same lost and confused little boy... the one that just wanted somebody to care and love him. But, he was alreayd in his mid twenties, and still, he refused to reveal that fact to himself.  
  
He was not weak.  
  
His father taught him never to show weakness. Haley James was a weakness.  
  
The question was, what was he going to do about it?  
  
"La Maison du Chocolat," Haley said suddenly as she snapped her fingers, "They have this cafe in the back room and oh god, their hot chocolate is so good."  
  
"The house of chocolate?" Nathan asked, "Is this place good?"  
  
"I'm sure it'll meet your standards," Haley said, laughing slightly, "I didn't know you knew French."  
  
"Took 4 years of it in high school."  
  
She resisted the urge to flinch when those words came out of his mouth. There it was. Reality knocking at her door. There was a past. There was a high school. There was a Nathan and Haley at one point.  
  
No denying it, as much as she wanted to.  
  
"Right," she whispered softly before clearing her throat and regaining composure. "I didn't know."  
  
"Foreign language was always my forte. Never needed any help with it."  
  
Unable to speak of the topic any longer, she said quickly, "Right, so it's not that far away, a few blocks," she began walking quickly, not waiting for him. This was bad. This was very very bad. High school, overall, was a tormenting period of her life. She had never been popular that was until sophomore year when she was thrusted into the world of basketball and wealth. Things had never been the same since then.  
  
She hadn't been the same since then. She considered that period of her life as the time where she came out of her world filled with school work and Lucas.. and into reality. Nathan had been the first to introduce her to the bitter taste of betrayal and so much more. He was her first, in so many ways.  
  
And, a part of her couldn't forget that. As much as she wanted to.  
  
High school sweethearts were highly overrated, she knew this and yet, when senior came, she had such high expectations. She never thought that they would all come crashing down. Maybe she didn't face reality then. She was just thrusted from one fabricated world into another. Right now, what she was experiencing, it was reality.  
  
At least, she thought it was. She didn't know what to think anymore. Everything was too confusing beyond recognition and all she wanted were some answers.  
  
But how could she get those if she didn't even know what to ask?  
  
"In a rush to get somewhere," Nathan asked as he matched her pace.  
  
Lost in her thoughts, she never even noticed that he was right next to her until he grabbed at her arm. Looking up, she stopped and took a step back, "What?"  
  
"Ignoring me already?"  
  
"Sorry," she said before she could stop herself. Nathan didn't deserve any apologies and certainly not her sympathy. Yet, she found herself slowly falling into his web.  
  
"Something on your mind?"  
  
"A lot of things are on my mind," she said vaguely, not comfortable with revealing anymore.  
  
"I'm sure. It helps to take your mind off of it though. Do small things to keep yourself busy."  
  
She raised an eyebrow and stopped walking, "What is this?"  
  
"What?" He asked, slightly surprised.  
  
"What is this?" She repeated.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"We're not friends, Nathan. We barely even know each other now," she said harshly, "Like I said before, I'm not looking for a great conversation partner in you. I'm here to do my job and that's to guide you around New York." She said forcefully, "Nothing more. Nothing less."  
  
His face hardened at her words and all trace of humanity in him was gone. "Right, how foolish of me."  
  
Haley felt a tinge of regret at how she spoke to him. True, she was no harsher then he was earlier but still, it wasn't like her to lash out like that. Throughout her whole life, she always remained controlled when it came to emotions. Around Nathan, those rules went out the window. Things were no different now.  
  
She was telling the truth though. They weren't friends. They were never friends and they could never be friends. It would be too confusing and awkward. It was better to break off whatever new 'thing' they had going on right now then to let it continue into something more. She already knew it was going to end bad, so why even put the effort and emotion into it?  
  
"I don't want to go to a chocolate shop," Nathan said coldly.  
  
"Where then?"  
  
"You're my guide," he said it depreciatingly, "Figure something out."  
  
Wincing at his tone, Haley sighed, knowing that she had this coming to her. What else was she supposed to have expected? "Maybe, we should just part ways."  
  
Nathan shook his head. He refused to let her off that easily. She had hurt him, though he didn't want to admit it in her words. He also didn't want to realize that she was behaving the way he had behaved earlier. He could dish it out, but he couldn't accept it in return. It was one of his biggest flaws.  
  
"Your job is to introduce New York to me. So far, you've introduced nothing," the last word was enunciated as he glared daggers at her, "You know if you don't then I'll-"  
  
"Get me fired," she said in a montone, "I know, I know. You can save the threats, Nathan, they're getting to be a bit repetetive."  
  
"Promises, Ms. James. Not threats."  
  
She looked up at him, unable to read his face as he stared at her coldly. Sighing she said, "Do you want to stay uptown or go somewhere else?"  
  
"Somewhere else," he said in a hard tone, "This," he waved all around him, "Is sickening me," he stared right at her as he said it.  
  
Haley bit the inside of her lip as she nodded and hailed another taxi. "East Village it is then."


	4. Chapter 4

"What did I do to deserve this?" Haley muttered softly to herself as she inched her way closer to the window on the right side of the backseat of the cab. Nathan was sitting on the left and in between them was a gap, both literally and metaphorically.  
  
Her eyes strayed over to his figure and she shook her head sadly. Maybe she was wrong to have said what she said but she was confused, angry and just plain aggravated. There was only so much verbal abuse she could take before she snapped and that was always Nathan Scott's speciality. Making her reach her boiling point.  
  
She used to find that oddly charming.  
  
Now, she didn't know what it was. A weird sense of deja vu remained in her stomach as she realized how similiar her situation was to her high school career. Around Nathan, she was always on edge with emotions, confused but in a good way. He could make her angry, happy, sad, all with a few simple words. He made her feel important and she used to love that about him.  
  
When she arrived in New York after graduating, she was all about control and restraint. Despite the fact of the city's reputation of never sleeping, during the day, there was still a certain amount of manners and behavior expectations around the workplace. At night, that was when you could let loose and be whoever or whatever you wanted to be. Haley made it a rule to never lose control.  
  
She remembered the last time that happened. And, what she ended up with was a broken heart and shattered mind.  
  
It was not an experience she wanted to repeat.  
  
She tapped her fingers lightly against the seat as she watched traffic pass by. Sighing, she wished the ride had been longer. Watching as the taxi slowed to a stop, she quickly handed the cabbie money and accepted the change before stepping out of the cab, looking up at the sky and the stores around her.  
  
She looked everywhere except at Nathan.  
  
"So, what is this place?"  
  
"East Village," Haley replied simply, "There's a lot of great coffeeshops around here. Some interesting stores for you to check out if you want to do a little bit more shopping. A lot more abstract stuff, I guess you can say."  
  
He didn't look impressed.  
  
"I just thought-"  
  
"Right," Nathan cut her off and walked a few steps away from the curb before looking up at the sky, "It's going to rain."  
  
Haley stared up at the sky at his words, her brow furrowed, "I hope not. I don't even have a hat or anything. We better get indoors."  
  
"I remember your hats," Nathan said as they walked.  
  
She cracked a smile, "They were hideous. I know. I wasn't exactly Ms. Fashion Sense back then."  
  
He nodded in agreement and tightened his hand around the Saks bag he was holding, "So, any old book stores around here?"  
  
"Secondhand you mean?"  
  
He was quiet as he looked at her and she caught the slightest bit of a nod.  
  
"Yeah," Haley said uncomfortably, "It's not too far from here. I think about 2 blocks." She walked a little quicker then him, not liking the atmosphere she was surrounded in. He was so.. numb. She never liked it when somebody was so cold and unfeeling. She would've rather had him insulting her right now then being so blank.  
  
It was disturbing.  
  
And, it shouldn't have been. After all, wasn't this what she wanted? She blatantly told him that she wasn't interested in speaking to him anymore then she had to and here she was now, complaining about how he wasn't talking to her enough in the correct fashion. Maybe, she was the one that was screwed up and at fault.  
  
Maybe, it was both of their fault. Or maybe there was no fault at all.  
  
All the maybes swirled around her head as she finally came to a stop, not noticing that she was practically running down the street away from Nathan. She looked back at him and watched as he calmly made his way towards the shop, his eyes steely and his jaw tightened.  
  
"Here it is," Haley said as she pointed at the stoor, her eyes downcast. This just wasn't right. She was 24, damn it. She was not supposed to be the same nervous and apologizing girl she was back in high school. How was it possible that within 2 hours of meeting with Nathan, he managed to get her to revert back to her old ways?  
  
She hated it. She hated the control he had over her. And, she hated that she let him do it to her.  
  
Pushing a bit more of the New York Haley into her voice, she said, "It's got some rare finds at a good price." As they entered the store, she asked, "Looking for anything in particular?"  
  
"The Bell Jar," Nathan said quickly before disappearing into the rows of books.  
  
Haley stopped in her steps, in complete disbelief before she asked, "What?!"  
  
"The Bell Jar," he repeated, "Sylvia Plath." He raised an eyebrow, "Don't tell me you've never heard of it."  
  
"Yeah, of course I've h-heard of it," she stumbled over her words, "But, I just.." she paused, at a lost for words, "You do realize what it's about, right?"  
  
"Yeah, seemingly innocent girl comes to New York City, gets corrupted, goes to mental institution. Sounds like a good read."  
  
Haley continued to give him a look of disbelief, "I just didn't think you'd like that type of book. Or reading period," she said, laughing slightly, "I remember when I had to practically force you to read books and now you're picking stuff up on your own. Very weird."  
  
They both shared a smile before Haley cleared her throat and walked a little farther ahead, disappearing into a row of books. Her fingers skimmed the bindings of the books as she looked for the book. She never thought she'd be in this position. Looking for a book for Nathan Scott.  
  
Did she fall into an alternate universe somehow within the past 24 hours because it sure seemed that way. Bending down to her knees, she whispered, "Plath," a few times as she looked for the book. Finally, finding it, she smiled and grabbed the book, slapping it against the palm of her hand as she walked back to find Nathan.  
  
Almost bumping to him as she walked out of the row, she smiled sheepishly before handing him the book, "Got it."  
  
"Thanks," he said genuinely.  
  
This felt different yet right at the same time. He was so much nicer.. so much softer and less cold towards her right now. She found it almost amusing how he could change his attitude in an instant. Only a few minutes ago, he was all coldness and glares and now, he was thanking her and smiling at her.  
  
Somehow she didn't realize that she was behaving the same exact way.  
  
"So, have you read this?" Nathan asked as they walked to the cash register.  
  
"Yeah, I definitely recommend it. It's actually one of my favorite books. Plath is a fantastic author."  
  
He nodded before becoming silent though it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, the silence in between them. It was mutual. It felt almost comforting.  
  
Through her confusion, she had given up purposely disliking him and being against him and they had settled into a comfort zone. Before, when that had happened, her defenses came up and she pushed him away. This time, she barely even realized that it had happened again.  
  
Walking out into the street, she sat down on a bench as she waited for Nathan to come out of the store. Fiddling with her purse, she barely even noticed someone sitting down next to her until they nudged her.  
  
Looking up, she saw Nathan with a curious look on his face. "Sorry, I've just been a little lost in thought lately."  
  
He nodded before shrugging, "Happens to everyone, I think." He sighed, "So, where are those great coffeeshops you were talking about?"  
  
Her eyes lighting up, she jumped up and smiled, "Right this way."  
  
Laughing, he raised an eyebrow, "Should I be worried that you're getting all happy at the mention of coffee?"  
  
"Coffee is good," she defended jokingly.  
  
"Not that good."  
  
"Oh, to me and I think most New Yorkers, it's an addiction type of deal."  
  
"Right, right," he said unconvinced as they walked towards the coffeeshop.  
  
And, yet again, there was that comfortable silence.  
  
As they walked down the street, there was a synchronocity in their movements. Their pace, steps, and direction all coordinated. To any onlooker, they would've looked like a couple that had been together for years, completely comfortable to the point that they mirrored each other's movements.  
  
But, they weren't. They weren't anything like that. The truth was, they weren't comfortable with each other because they both were trying too hard. But, when they let go a little and just moved naturally, the coordinated. They worked. They clicked.  
  
It was too bad they couldn't see that.  
  
Walking into the coffeeshop, Nathan held the door for Haley as she walked in though she paid no attention to the small gesture. She was too busy figuring out what she wanted to order. Sitting down in a comfy chair, she waited for the waitress to come. As they both looked over the menu the small cafe/coffeeshop had to offer, a small smile remained on both their faces, though neither noticed it.  
  
They were almost painfully oblivious.  
  
After placing their orders and waiting a few minutes for the waitress to deliver, Haley took off her jacket as she happily sipped away at her caramel macchiato. Nathan added two creams and two sugars to his black coffee. Both did this silently.  
  
Finally settling in, Haley looked up at him, "It's good, isn't it?"  
  
"Not bad," he said, nodding slightly.  
  
"Not bad?" She raised an eyebrow, "This stuff is like heaven. It's better then any coffee you could ever make I bet."  
  
He laughed, "You're not much better."  
  
"Excuse you," she said defensively though she was smiling, "I worked 4 years at a cafe. I know how to make coffee."  
  
He leaned in closely, as if he was about to say something secretive, "Ever realize on the days you make the coffee, nobody orders it?"  
  
Scoffing, she squinted her eyes at him as she sipped her macchiato, "Well, I'm still better then you."  
  
"Very mature of you, Ms. James."  
  
She laughed before shaking her head and shrugging, never making a comment. Hearing a buzzing noise, she looked at Nathan expectantly, "Umm, I think that's your cell."  
  
Looking into her eyes, he quickly broke the gaze and reached into his pocket for his phone, "Ohh." Answering it, his eyes widened as the voice from the other end came through, getting up and walking towards the back of the cafe, he began to talk.  
  
Sighing, Haley closed her eyes as she enjoyed her coffee. A few minutes later, Nathan returned with a frown, all traces of his good-naturedness gone. He sat down and gulped down the rest of his coffee.  
  
"Who was that?"  
  
"My girlfriend," Nathan answered in a monotone.  
  
She felt a stabbing pain in her heart at those words. And, she shouldn't have. She really, really shouldn't have. Looking down at the table, she said quickly, "Oh."  
  
"I need to get back uptown."  
  
"Gotcha," Haley said as she pushed the coffee cup away from her and towards the center of the table. She got up as Nathan left a twenty dollar bill on the table. She was about to argue when he stopped her.  
  
"Don't worry about it."  
  
"Right," she said as they walked out of the cafe.  
  
At the table, a still warm, lip-stick stained, cup of coffee remained in the middle.  
  
She never finished it. 


	5. Chapter 5

"You look sad," Caitlin commented as Haley walked through the door to their tiny apartment, dropping all her stuff on the ground before plopping down onto the couch.  
  
"Just tired," Haley said as she held her hand to her head, "I think I have a headache too."  
  
"Not think, Haley, you know you have a headache," Caitlin said as she threw her a bottle of Aleve, "You look like you went through a mental war or something."  
  
"Work was," she paused, looking for the right word, "Bad."  
  
"Bad," Caitlin raised an eyebrow, "Something tells me that's a bit of an understatement."  
  
"Someone kinda popped up unexpectedly," Haley sighed, "From my past. My boss is making me give them a tour of the city for the time being and I'm just really not dealing with the whole thing well."  
  
She nodded, "I'm assuming this certain someone is an ex?"  
  
Haley raised an eyebrow, "When did you get to be this insightful?"  
  
"I was always this insightful," Caitlin laughed, "You just never noticed." Her brown eyes narrowed in worry when she saw that Haley didn't reply. A pensive look remained on her roomate's face and the worry began to build up inside her. "You wanna tell me what happened?" She cracked a smile, "I did a little grocery shopping today. We can talk about it over some Godiva ice cream."  
  
"White Chocolate Rasberry?" Haley asked hopefully.  
  
"Of course," Caitlin grinned before walking over the freezer and taking out the ice cream. She grabbed two spoons from the drawer before she sat down next to Haley on the couch. Handing her a spoon and opening the lid, she took a big bite before waiting for Haley to explain.  
  
"You remember that guy I told you about, you know, the one from high school?"  
  
"The guy you talked about that night I found you crying?" Caitlin asked softly, making sure to keep her voice comforting.  
  
"Yeah, him," Haley said quietly before she cleared her throat, "She showed up at my work today."  
  
"Oh my god," Caitlin's eyes got wide, "What did you do?"  
  
"He's my boss's nephew."  
  
"Him?" Caitlin asked in disbelief, "He's the one that you had to show around the city."  
  
"Yep," Haley popped her lips before taking a bite of her ice cream. Godiva ice cream always solved all her problems and this time, it did make her feel a bit better but the effect just wasn't the same.  
  
"It didn't go so well?"  
  
"Not at first. Then," she stopped, finding herself at a lost for words.  
  
"Then what?" Caitlin asked eagerly.  
  
"Why are you so interested?"  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow, "I work in a cubicle from 9 to 5. This is the most interesting my life gets. I mean, seriously. It's like some Hollywood drama. Romantic and mysterious love from the past suddenly appears and voila," she mocked gasped, "Drama ensues."  
  
Haley shook her head, "Nice to know someone finds this all amusing."  
  
"Oh, come on, lighten up. It was just a day and seriously, New York is huge. You're not gonna see him again."  
  
"I just hope he doesn't show up at work again tomorrow."  
  
"Your boss isn't that big of a dick," Caitlin said, reassuring Haley.  
  
"Don't be too sure about that."  
  
"Okay, even if he did. He's not staying here forever. He'll be out of your hair soon enough."  
  
"I guess," Haley said, slightly pouting, "I just-"  
  
"You just what?" Caitlin frowned when Haley remained quiet. "Hey, you can't just keep stopping mid sentence. Your devoted audience awaits for a resolution."  
  
"There is no resolution, that's just it. It feels like this problem has been going on for 6 years. I mean, in college, I could never get him out of my head and finally, when I come here and gain my footing, he comes and just ruins it all. I can't go through all of this again," Haley said, her voice strained.  
  
"He really did a number on you, didn't he?" Caitlin asked softly.  
  
"Yeah," Haley admitted reluctantly, "he did and I know I'm making him sound like such an ass right now but it's really more of a two way thing."  
  
"Sounds complicated."  
  
"It was and I guess it still is," Haley looked down and played with her fingers, "Is it- Is it normal if I still have a thing for him? I mean, I feel myself drawn towards him. That's not right," she looked up at her roomate, "Right?"  
  
Caitlin shrugged before smiling, "Hun, there's really no clear distinction between right and wrong. Whatever feels right to you, that's what's right."  
  
"I think- I think I still might have feelings for him."  
  
She looked surprised, "Even after 6 years and I'm assuming a major heartbreak?"  
  
"Yeah, even after all of that. Believe me, I'd rather have it that I didn't have any feeling towards him but I can't help it. There's just something about him," Haley said sadly, "There always was just something about him."  
  
"So, what's stopping you?" Caitlin asked curiously, "I mean, just go and give it a shot. If you still have a thing for him after 6 years, I'm pretty sure it's reciprocated."  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"You're Haley James, sweets, everybody loves you," Caitlin said with a grin.  
  
Haley smiled back and shook her head, "He has a girlfriend."  
  
"So what?"  
  
"What do you mean so what?"  
  
"I mean, is this girl a steady girlfriend or is she just some random girl he hooked up with before he found the right one," she coughed dramatically, "You," cough, cough.  
  
"You don't even know him," Haley paused, "Hell, you don't even know his name! What makes you so sure about all this?"  
  
"Because I am Caitlin Monroe and I know all," she laughed, "I can tell. By the way you talk about him and the look in your eyes. I can tell."  
  
"This is just me though, not him."  
  
"Stop questioning everything, okay? Just trust me on this one."  
  
"But, I'm probably never going to see him again," Haley bit her lower lip, "I'm not so sure that's such a bad thing."  
  
"He sounds like someone who has a higher up status deal, right? I mean, if he's your boss's nephew then he's gotta be on the VIP lists."  
  
"What's your point?"  
  
"My point is, we'll hit some clubs tonight and go man searching."  
  
"His name is Nathan."  
  
"Okay, fine, we'll go Nathan searching," Caitlin said before getting to her feet.  
  
"This feels stalkerish."  
  
"It's not," Caitlin smiled, "It's just bumping into one another."  
  
"Purposely."  
  
"So?"  
  
Haley paused, "This is wrong."  
  
"What did I tell you about right and wrong?" Caitlin gave Haley an expectant look but saw the worry in her roomate's eyes. "Does it feel wrong?"  
  
Haley was quiet for a few moments before she answered, "No, it doesn't."

--  
  
"This place," Brooke let out a fake and heavy sigh, "Is disgusting."  
  
Nathan rolled his eyes as Brooke latched on even harder to his arm as he walked through the club and to their table.  
  
"I mean, you'd think the VIP section would be a little bit more, well, VIP- ish."  
  
"It's one of the best clubs in New York," Nathan said as he placed his drink order.  
  
"It doesn't seem like it," Brooke said distastefully as she ordered a martini. She sighed and shook her head, "I mean, seriously, look at that-"  
  
"Brooke," Nathan said irritated, "Don't start, okay, just not today."  
  
"Fine, grumpy," she pouted before sliding off the chair, "I'm going dancing, are you coming with?"  
  
He shook his head and she rolled her eyes before walking down the stairs and onto the main dance floor.  
  
Nathan sat in the corner, brooding. He couldn't get her out of his head.  
  
It didn't seem right, the situation he was in and the way he was feeling. He had a sexy, wealthy, and gorgeous girlfriend who he was supposed to love. And yet, all he could seem to think about was the girl that he was supposed to have forgotten.  
  
Haley James. The girl that was supposed to be for fun but turned out to be something more. She was the one that got away. And now, she was back in his life, making things more complicated beyond comprehension. And on some odd level, that comforted him.  
  
She was back, that was all that mattered. But, he wasn't even supposed to want her to be back. She had broken his heart and he had broken hers. It ended in a disaster and who was to say that this time would be no different?  
  
Besides, he had Brooke. That was supposed to be enough for him.  
  
But, it wasn't.

--  
  
"I can't believe you got us in," Haley laughed as they walked into the club.  
  
"Hey, I can be quite convincing when I want to be," Caitlin said as she hooked her arm through Haley's. "Okay, let's go get our groove on."  
  
Haley grinned at her cheesiness and shook her head, "Get out of the 80's already."  
  
Bobbing her head to the music, Caitlin led Haley onto the dance floor as they began to dance, the tension and worries leaving their bodies. Caitlin danced a little closer to Haley and said into her ear, "Do you see him?"  
  
Haley looked around before shaking her head, "I don't think he's here."  
  
"Do you wanna stay or do you wanna leave?"  
  
Haley felt a pull in her stomach as she looked up at the ceiling, yelling out, "I wanna stay." As she put her hands over her head, her body moved rhythmically to the music and she let the beat overtake her senses. So into the music, she never noticed a certain brunette standing in front of her before she was tapped on the shoulder. Opening her eyes, her mouth dropped in surprise, "Brooke?"  
  
"Tutor girl?"  
  
The nickname brought back many memories that Haley did not wish to relive. "What the hell are you doing here?" What the heck was going on? Was there some sort of high school reunion type of deal that she wasn't aware of?  
  
"Dancing," Brooke said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Haven't seen you in awhile. Not since-"  
  
Haley stopped her before she could get any further, "Yeah, right, right."  
  
Caitlin looked off into Haley's direction, her eyes not believing who it was, "Oh, my god, you're Brooke Davis."  
  
Brooke looked disinterested, "Yeah?"  
  
"The Victoria's Secret model," Caitlin provided before she looked her up and down, "I thought you'd be taller."  
  
Brooke snorted in laughter before shaking her head, "I get that a lot but hey, at least you know my name. That's definitely different."  
  
"I get bored and have little reading material so yeah, I'm caption girl," Caitlin said with a grin before asking, "So, are you in New York for a shoot or something?"  
  
"No, I'm here with my boyfriend."  
  
Caitlin simply nodded and continued the friendly conversation as Haley stood by, watching the two exchange words. She didn't feel left out. Caitlin had that personality that grabbed everyone's attention. And besides, a conversation with Brooke was the last thing that she wanted. The last words that Haley heard, though, that was what stuck the most in her mind.  
  
Her boyfriend. Brooke Davis's boyfriend. With Haley's luck, it might as well be Nathan Scott.  
  
But, it couldn't have been. Because, the powers above couldn't hate her that much.  
  
Haley snapped back to reality as Brooke laughed at something Caitlin said.  
  
"You're funny, you know," Brooke said as she walked off of the main dance floor.  
  
"Thanks, that's what I'm here for. Amusement."  
  
"You guys wanna come up to the VIP section. It's a little less crowded."  
  
"Sure," Caitlin jumped at the offer before Haley could reject it. She held onto Haley's hand before giving her an excited smile.  
  
Haley smiled limply before she followed the two brunettes up the stairs and onto the VIP floor. She looked around the small upper level floor, slightly impressed with the decoration. It was stylishly done but not overly lavish.  
  
Clearing her throat, Haley looked up in shock as Brooke introduced her boyfriend.  
  
"Ladies," Brooke sent Haley a satisfied smirk, "This is Nathan."

--  
  
"Nathan," Caitlin said with a smile before her eyes strayed over to Haley. The look on her face could only be described as a shocked yet resolved expression, "Nathan," she said with slight confusion in her voice before realization finally hit her. "Oh," she said softly, "Nathan."  
  
"Yeah, that is my name," Nathan said with a raised eyebrow as he glanced up at Caitlin, never sparing her another look, his eyes focusing in on Brooke, "Who is this?"  
  
He never saw Haley.  
  
Haley tried her best to hide behind Caitlin as she inched her way back further and further into the the darkness, maybe she could meld in with the wall and then make a run for it. Goodness knew she didn't want to face the upcoming confrontation.  
  
"A friend of a little someone from our past," Brooke said with a devious smile. "You'll never believe who I just saw and who's here with us right now," she looked up at Haley and frowned when she saw her inching away, "Tutor girl! Where are you going?"  
  
Haley cleared her throat and let out a heavy sigh, "It's Haley, Brooke," she said with slight irritation in her voice, "Haley."  
  
"Right, okay," she said, disinterested. She looked back at Nathan, relishing in the uncomfortable look on his face. That's what he deserved. Stupid jerk. "Isn't this fun?" She cooed.  
  
"Fun," Nathan repeated, angered at the audacity of Brooke's actions. True, he had just spent an entire day in Haley's presence but that was work, simple, cold, and unfeeling. At least, it was supposed to be. This was outside of work where Nathan no longer had any hold over her.  
  
In short, he was worried as to what she would do. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was unstable at the moment, worried, confused, and surprisingly enough, pained as well.  
  
"I don't want to be here," Haley whispered to Caitlin as she tugged on her arm.  
  
Caitlin looked back at Haley, noticing the uncomfortable stature of Haley's position and tried the best to lighten the mood, "So, this is, umm, tense. Maybe, we should just leave."  
  
"No," Nathan said, his voice cold, "Stay."  
  
Stay? Nathan questioned himself on his words as soon as they slipped from his mouth. He wanted her to leave, didn't he? It would've been an easy fix to everything but in truth, he really didn't. Once she left, Haley would be gone.. again and perhaps forever. Maybe their meeting up was more then a coincidence, maybe it was supposed to mean something more.  
  
He didn't know. He was always more of a realist so this territory of fate and destiny was unfamiliar with him.  
  
"We should umm," Haley said, biting the inside of her lip, "Leave, as in now." She tugged on Caitlin's arm again.  
  
"Oh, come on, the party's just getting started," Brooke said with a grin, clearly enjoying the tension between everyone.  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow at her words. This girl was not what she expected. Her protective instincts kicking in, she stood slightly in front of Haley and said, "Look, it's night and I don't know about you but I sure as hell don't wanna spend my free time in a tense atmosphere. We're at a club, the point in coming here is to enjoy yourself and dance. I don't see any of us doing either."  
  
Haley silently thanked Caitlin as she nodded, forcing herself to be stronger. She was not going to revert back to her old ways again. The old, shy and naive Haley was dead and gone. She was stronger now and more confident.  
  
At least, that's what she told herself.  
  
Brooke laughed lightly at her response, "Okay, geez, back down Ms. Overprotective. I'm cool with dancing," she looked back at her boyfriend, "Nate?"  
  
Nathan simply nodded as he got to his feet, pushing past Haley and Caitlin, following Brooke down the stairs.  
  
Caitlin merely looked back at Haley and gave her a small smile, "Now I know what all the fuss is about. Though, he could do well with an attitude change."  
  
"That's Nathan," Haley said as she sighed, walking down the stairs behind Caitlin, "He almost never puts down his defenses."  
  
"Yeah, I can tell," she eyed the 'happy' couple on the dance floor, their bodies gyrating together roughly, "Look, it's like vertical sex."  
  
Haley laughed out loud at Caitlin's sudden comment, "I was just thinking that."  
  
"See, that's the thing with you. I mean, we both think it but I seem to be the only one who has the balls to say it," Caitlin said as she led Haley onto the dance floor, the two moving to the beat in sync.  
  
"I guess it's an old habit. Can you tell I was self conscious in high school?"  
  
"Was?" Caitlin asked, giving Haley a 'oh, come on' look.  
  
"Shut up," She grinned as she bobbed her head to the music and began lose herself in the beat.  
  
"What do you say we forget about the exhibitionists over there," Caitlin cocked her head towards Nathan and Brooke, "And, we hook up with some hotties."  
  
"That sounds great," Haley said, only slightly sarcastic, "But, umm, where are these hotties to be found?"  
  
"Just let me work my magic," Caitlin said as she moved her hips a little more obviously and sidled up to a group of guys.  
  
Haley only laughed at her movements, the problems with Brooke and Nathan fading to the back of her mind. Moments later, Caitlin bounced up to Haley, a bulky piece of eye candy on each arm.  
  
"Haley, this is Brian and Josh," her eyes twinkled with mischief.  
  
"Oh," Haley said, her heart telling her this was wrong but after another glance at Brooke and Nathan and how they were practically devouring each other on the dance floor, Haley linked her arm through Brian's and led him away from Caitlin as she began dancing with the other.  
  
"So, you're Hilary?" Brian yelled over the pounding music as they began dancing.  
  
Haley simply laughed and shook her head, "It's Haley," she yelled back, having a hard time hearing over the music.  
  
"Bailey?"  
  
"Haley," she screamed back, laughing as she did so.  
  
"Oh, gotcha," Brian said as he wrapped his arms around her waist, "You're a beautiful girl, Haley."  
  
She simply nodded, knowing not the take the compliment to heart. Guys like him were all the same and she had been with the king of sweet words. Charms and fake compliments no longer had any effect on her.  
  
Except when they came from Nathan. He was her soft spot in almost every aspect. He was 6 years ago and somehow, he still was.  
  
Lost in the music and comfortable with having strong arms around her, Haley never noticed how Nathan's eyes narrowed at the sight of Haley with another guy. Nathan had never actually seen with his own eyes, Haley with another guy. Sure, he expected that after their breakup, she would've moved on and dated but thinking and seeing were two completely different things. His male instincts kicked in as every part of his being screamed out, 'she's mine'.  
  
But, she wasn't.  
  
She was no longer his. She was her own now. He didn't have her anymore.  
  
He had Brooke. He looked down at his girlfriend and watched as she pawed at his chest. While before, that might've been attractive, now it only disgusted him. She was no longer what he wanted.  
  
Maybe, she never was.  
  
He knew what he was thinking about her was cruel, especially since he was equally matching her movements, right on beat. But, that was at the back of his mind. Right now, he didn't want Brooke. He wanted Haley.  
  
Nathan Scott always got what he wanted.  
  
He moved away from Brooke slightly and she barely noticed as she began dancing on her own before another guy wrapped his arms around his girlfirend.  
  
That should've bothered him or at least set something off, but it didn't.  
  
Nathan began pushing through the crowds, an almost animalistic craving in his eyes. Haley opened her eyes, Brian's arms still wrapped around her as she saw Nathan coming towards her. The intensity made her breath come short as she suddenly felt like prey being hunted, but in an utterly hot and arousing sort of way.  
  
It was dirty and wrong, yet so good and sexy at the same time. A small smile came onto her face as the good times of the past filled her senses. This was now. This was Nathan.  
  
She moved away from Brian and he simply turned away as she met Nathan halfway.  
  
They didn't touch. They simply just stood in the middle of the dance floor, looking at each other.  
  
He placed his hand gently on her hips, his fingers caressing the skin exposed as they slowly moved to their own smooth and slowly seductive beat.  
  
They were lost in each other.

--  
  
Brooke didn't notice Nathan's absence at first. But, when she finally snapped to reality and saw that the person she had been bumping and grinding with for the past 10 minutes, wasn't her boyfriend, she was disgusted.  
  
And pissed. Really pissed.  
  
Pushing the random guy away with an outraged scoff, she turned around, her eyes scanning for her jerk of a boyfriend. She didn't know why she let him treat her like the way he did. I mean, sure, being treated like a sex object, she had gotten used to. But, the lack of respect he had towards her, that just drove her insane.  
  
It was like she was Peyton.  
  
Except, older and now he was colder and harsher with his actions. She should've just left him. She was a lingerie model for goodness sakes, she could get whoever she damn well wanted. But, she didn't want anyone else, that was the point.  
  
She loved him. And, sometimes she thought that would kill a part of her. But, it was like she was addicted to Nathan and his verbally abusive ways. She liked his games and she liked the attention she got from him. He was this craving she couldn't control.  
  
A dark craving.  
  
Brooke had promised herself that after her first, truly bad experience with a guy, she wouldn't let herself go down this winding and rocky path again.. but here she was. Stuck again.  
  
Just like it was with Lucas.  
  
She pushed her way through the crowd as she looked around for Nathan. Finally spotting him, or his back rather, she walked a little faster, a long and enduring lecture already forming in her mind. She squeezed him on the shoulder, focusing her eyes only on him, she demanded, "What the hell? You just leave me alone with some random," her eyes travelled down his arm and she noticed how his hand was firmly attached to someone's hip. Haley's hip, "Guy," she finished, slightly defeated. Anger roared in her eyes as she asked, "What the hell is going on?"  
  
"Brooke," Nathan said, annoyed, "Don't start."  
  
"No, Nathan, I will," she said, her voice irritated, "I will not let you throw me around like some little rag doll. I'm not your bitch."  
  
"No, right now, you're just being a bitch," he retorted as his hands tightened around Haley's hip.  
  
Feeling like the third wheel, Haley moved away slightly only to have Nathan hold onto her tighter. This wasn't good. This was way too personal. The fight they were having right now, shouldn't have involved her. She shouldn't be in this. She shouldn't feel like the other woman. Because, she wasn't.  
  
Right?  
  
"Screw you, Nathan," Brooke spat as she turned around and walked off the main dancefloor.  
  
Nathan turned back to Haley, his eyes focused on her as he tried to get her to dance again but she merely stood there, not following along.  
  
"What now?" He asked.  
  
"How could you-" she paused, at a loss for words. Finally regaining her voice, she asked, "How could you treat her like that?"  
  
"It's just Brooke, she doesn't care."  
  
Haley scoffed, "I think it's pretty obvious that she cares a whole hell of a lot. And, Brooke is your girlfriend." She raised an eyebrow, "At some point in your life that actually meant something to you."  
  
"It meant something to me when the girlfriend was you," he said, a small smirk on his face.  
  
Disgusted, Haley moved out of his reach and shook her head, "You haven't changed. God, what makes you think you can treat people like this?"  
  
"Oh, not you too," he rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yes, me too."  
  
"Haley, we were having fun. Let's just leave it at that. Don't flatter yourself by thinking it was something more," he said coldly, lashing back.  
  
Her eyes narrowed at his words, "You know what, I'm tired of this. I don't belong to you and right now, you have no control over me. I don't need to listen to this." She began to walk away when Nathan grabbed her on the arm.  
  
"Haley, wait-" his voice softened as he realized for once, someone didn't want to put up with his bullshit.  
  
"No," she struggled against him, "I will not wait."  
  
"Haley," his grip tightened on her arm, "I'm sorry, okay?"  
  
"It's not okay, Nathan," her eyes on his as her voice got harsher, "It will never be okay. I'm just the fool who thought it might be but it's pretty damn obvious that you haven't changed. Sorry doesn't cut it, Nathan. Don't expect someone to just fall at your feet everytime you utter that word."  
  
"What do you want from me?" He asked, his hand still on her arm.  
  
"Nothing," she spat, "I want nothing from you."  
  
He laughed before shaking his head, "So, this is how it's going to work? The brave and confident Haley James giving me, the arrogant and ultimate bastard Nathan Scott the brush off. Is that what helps you sleep at night, Haley?" He leaned in closer, "Telling yourself that it was all my fault and that you were the naive little girl that I dragged in?" He took his hand off her arm, "Fine, keep telling everyone that. I really could care less but you know the truth as well as I do. That's the important thing. You can lie to everyone else and make them believe that you're innocent but we both know the truth," he cocked his head to the side, "Don't we?"  
  
Haley stared at him, the tears stinging her eyes as she stood silent and in shock. Before she could stop herself, her hand came up and slapped him clear across the cheek.  
  
He held his cheek and still managed to smirk evilly, "Truth's a bitch, isn't it?"  
  
"Go to hell," Haley said venomously as she turned away, pushing the tears down as she struggled to find Nathan.  
  
He simply stood there, still holding his cheek, the smirk quickly fading as she walked away. A stoney appearance was plastered onto his face as the stinging in his heart overcame his entire body.  
  
He shouldn't have done that.


	6. Chapter 6

"We need to leave," Haley said quickly as she dragged Caitlin off the dance floor.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, geez, okay. I'll be going as soon as I regain my balance and you let go of my arm," Caitlin said as she pulled on Haley, slowing the brunette to a stop. Seeing the tears in her eyes, Caitlin immediately frowned, asking, "What happened?"  
  
"We shouldn't have came. This was a mistake. God, I can't believe I let him get to me again."  
  
"Okay, breathe," Caitlin said as she held onto Haley's shoulders gently, "I'm guessing you're talking about Nathan?"  
  
"He's such an ass. What makes him think he can treat people like that?"  
  
"Money?" Caitlin cracked, hoping to get a smile from Haley.  
  
"Money does not put him above me or Brooke, or anyone else. He's just a self conceited, arrogant ass."  
  
"Yeah, he's definitely straight then," Caitlin said with a smile.  
  
Laughing slightly, Haley sighed as they began walking out of the club, "This was such a bad idea."  
  
"What happened? Last time I checked, you were having a fun time dancing with Brandon."  
  
"Brian," Haley muttered before shrugging, "I did. And then Nathan came. I started dancing with him, Brooke saw us. We got into a fight."  
  
"You and Brooke?"  
  
"No, she stormed off after Nathan pissed her off. I got into a fight with Nathan."  
  
"Man, this boy seems to be pissing everyone off lately."  
  
Haley smiled bitterly, "It's his speciality."  
  
"Right, so what happened next?"  
  
"Stuff got said and he brought up some touchy subjects so I slapped him."  
  
"You slapped him?" Caitlin raised an eyebrow, "I'm impressed."  
  
"Impressed?" Haley asked, laughing, "Why?"  
  
"Cuz, you finally got some balls. Go you." Caitlin shrugged, "Besides, sounds like he had it coming."  
  
"I don't know," she sighed, "Maybe he was right about some things."  
  
"Maybe, but it sounds like you were both kinda high strung during this little conversation. Don't take everything he said seriously. I think he was just out to hurt you."  
  
"He certainly did a great job," Haley muttered as she wiped the stray tears away, "Damn, I can't believe I let him get to me like that."  
  
"Just don't let it happen again."  
  
"Oh, believe me," she said forcefully, "I won't."

--  
  
"Mr. Scott?" Haley knocked on the door before walking in. The last time she neglected to do that, her world came crashing down. This time, at least she would have a warning. Alas, no tall and cocky bastard sat in the chair facing her boss this time around and Haley was silently grateful.  
  
Maybe, Caitlin was right. Maybe, she wouldn't see Nathan ever again.  
  
"Do you have the Prentis file?"  
  
"All done," Haley handed it to him with a smile but it quickly disappeared as he shoved a pile of scattered papers to her.  
  
"Sort this out and I need 75 copies of each, back-to-back, stapled and within an hour. My meeting's at 12:00."  
  
Silently cursing his name, she plastered a smile onto her face and said, "Of course, Mr. Scott. Right away." She sighed as she turned around, walking to the copying machine. It seemed the asshole factor was inherited because all the Scotts, with the exception of Lucas, were complete jerks that thought they were above everyone.  
  
"Well, well, well, aren't we the busy beaver?"  
  
At the condescending tone, Haley didn't have to look up to recognize who it was. Nathan. What the hell was he doing here?  
  
"What do you want?" She demanded, angry at him for coming to her work place and angry at herself for thinking he wouldn't.  
  
"My, my, that's not the positive attitude this company is known for. I suggest you change it," his tone was mocking at first before it grew towards a threat.  
  
"Of course, Mr. Scott," Haley muttered before she sidestepped him and walked a little faster.  
  
He caught up with her though and kept up her pace, "So, what are you up to?"  
  
"Making copies," she said coldly, "You?" Her tone was sickly sweet.  
  
He raised an eyebrow, "Just visiting my dear old uncle and seeing if I can convince him into having one of his staff give me another tour of the city."  
  
Haley closed the door to the copying room, disappointed that Nathan followed her inside. She loaded the copier and pressed the necessary buttons before rolling her eyes, "Fine, then go and beg your uncle for hand outs but just stop bothering me."  
  
"But, it's so much fun."  
  
"Get your fun elsewhere," she said, venom in her voice.  
  
"Why, Haley?" He asked, pretending to be shocked, "Are you mad at me?"  
  
"Mad would be an understatement," she gritted.  
  
He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Don't you just hate how I can get under your skin," he moved back and snapped his fingers in front of her face, "like that."  
  
"Leave," Haley said simply, staring up at him, unaffected.  
  
"Fine, I'm gone," he said, a satisfied smile on his face as he walked out.  
  
Seeing him shut the door, Haley resisted the urge to scream. Was it possible to harbor feelings of hatred and desire for someone, all at the same time?  
  
She had to be sick.

--  
  
"I can't, Nathan," Christopher Scott said smoothly as if he was handling a regular business deal, "I can't spare my assistant for another day especially if it's for her to go parading around town with you. I know she's a nice gal, but, really Nathan," he raised an eyebrow, "You could do better."  
  
"I have a girlfriend," Nathan said bitterly, "Remember?"  
  
"Right, that Victoria's Secret girl."  
  
It seemed whatever came out of his uncle's mouth pissed him off lately. Dating a Victoria's Secret model was not some every day thing any guy would achieve. He used to think of himself as better because of that. He was able to attain the unattainable. It never worked with his family though. They undermined every action he made.  
  
They made him feel worthless.  
  
"Uncle Chris, please," he begged, "I don't want to go around town alone. Dad would hate for me to get lost."  
  
At the mention of Dan Scott, Chris straightened up and cleared his throat, "Alright, alright. I'll let her go for another day. She's under your control but this is the last time, okay?"  
  
"Thanks," Nathan said with a grin as he sat back in the chair, satisfied with the way he handled things.  
  
True, he hated his dad but at this moment, he loved Dan Scott's reputation and name. Just the mere mention of his father made his uncle secede to his wishes. It just went to prove how big of an asshole his dad was and how much control he exerted over others.  
  
"I sent her off making copies. Go find her and tell her about my decision. Tell her to give the copies to Sarah."  
  
"On it," Nathan said as he walked out of his uncle's office and towards the copying room. When he got there, he was pleased to find Haley alone and obviously frustrated with the machine. "Something wrong?"  
  
Without turning back at him, she said irritated, "Yeah, something's wrong and with you being here, it just made matters worse."  
  
"Wow, someone's hostile."  
  
"Someone's not in the mood for this," Haley retorted as she slammed her hand down on the machine, "Work, damn it!"  
  
"Well, I'll have you know. I just got you out of another day's work."  
  
She turned around, eyebrow raised, "What?"  
  
"Your boss told you to lead me around town again."  
  
"What?" She demanded, "No, I've got these copies to make and a bunch of-"  
  
He waved them off disinterestedly, "Not important. He told you to give them to Sarah."  
  
"Sarah doesn't know how to even work the copying machine. Especially if it's jammed."  
  
"Someone will fix it."  
  
"No, Nathan, not someone. I have to fix it. I'm the assistant."  
  
"Haley, you have another job," he pointed at himself and smirked.  
  
Haley reached the breaking point as she shook her head in frustration, "You may not have any responsibility but I do and I'm not just dumping all my work on someone else."  
  
Seeing the determination in her eyes, he sighed and leaned back against the door, "Fine, make your damn copies but hurry it up."  
  
Turning back around, Haley tried her best to fix the copying machine but all the while, a small smile remained on her face.  
  
She knew she still had it in her. The bitch who wouldn't stand down. Nathan made a mistake in thinking he could mess with her mind any longer.  
  
Last night changed things.  
  
"I'm done," she said after about 10 minutes. Nathan looked like he was about to fall asleep and Haley resisted the urge to laugh... or think he was cute.  
  
Because, he wasn't. He was just a jerk.  
  
"Great, we can leave now, right?"  
  
"No, we have to staple."  
  
"What?" He asked, "Are you telling me this Sarah girl can't even work a damn stapler?"  
  
"It's lunch hour, Nathan," Haley said simply, "If you want to spend the next hour and a half going around New York City, trying to find her so you can tell her to staple these copies then go right ahead but I'd much rather spend a few minutes getting these done. It won't take that long," Haley insisted as she laid the copies down on her desk.  
  
He sat back and watched her for a few seconds before he said annoyed, "You're so slow."  
  
She scoffed and looked back at him, "It would go a little faster if I had some help."  
  
"Don't look at me," Nathan raised both of his hands as if in defeat before sitting back further in his chair.  
  
"Of course, why did I ever possibly think you would help me?" Haley muttered to herself as she continued stapling.  
  
Nathan paused at her words because though she didn't mean them as a major insult, it was in fact a blow to his ego. He wasn't a nice guy. He knew that so why should a small comment like that make such an impact on him?  
  
Because, at one point in his life, he was a nice guy. He made Haley proud. Now, all he saw was disappointment and anger in her eyes when they were directed at him.  
  
He wasn't supposed to start caring again but he did. Getting up, he grabbed the stapler from her and waited as she handed him a set of copies. She simply stood there for a few moments, stunned into silence before she handed him a few papers.  
  
And, he stapled them.

--  
  
"This is good," Nathan said quietly as he sipped the hot chocolate. They sat in the back room of La Maison du Chocolat, both silent and both drinking hot chocolates.  
  
After they finished their task, they came here, at Haley's insistence that they needed a little award.  
  
"Heck, at these prices, it better be good."  
  
Nathan laughed at her words before he leaned back in his chair, "You're an enigma."  
  
She raised an eyebrow, "That was sudden."  
  
Ignoring her, he continued, "I think I've got you all figured out and then, bam, next moment, you're someone different."  
  
"Right, I forgot to tell you I've developed schizophrenia over the years," she said sarcastically.  
  
He laughed, "I don't mean it as an insult."  
  
"I didn't take it as one," she replied simply.  
  
"You're still mad, aren't you?"  
  
This time, his suddeness didn't surprise her. "A little," she said honestly.  
  
It was the truth. She was still a little mad at him, not as much as she was earlier but still pissed. He shouldn't have treated her or Brooke that way yesterday. His behavior now, puzzled her though. Why was he being nice and was he actually trying to apologize?  
  
This was typical Nathan. Always confusing her.  
  
"It's pointless to say sorry," Nathan continued, "You probably either wouldn't accept it or wouldn't care. Maybe both."  
  
"You're right there," Haley nodded, "Maybe you have learned a few things over the years."  
  
"I don't want this to be hostile though."  
  
"What's this?"  
  
"Whatever's between us."  
  
"There's nothing between us, Nathan," Haley said quietly.  
  
"I missed you," He said softly.  
  
Haley raised an eyebrow. Why the sudden change of subject? "What?"  
  
"After things got bad and you were gone, I did miss you. I even tracked down your number once and I called. No one picked up," He looked down at his intertwined hands, "I gave up after that."  
  
She was quiet for a few moments before she asked, "Why are you telling me this?"  
  
"You deserve to know," he answered honestly. "Don't think I'm lying to you to get back in your good graces or anything. I know that's over. I just thought you should know."  
  
Haley looked at him oddly. This wasn't the Nathan she was used to, at least recently. Why did he even care if she knew or not? Was he trying to change? Not likely. So, then what was he after?  
  
"I'm not trying to get anything," he said, as if reading her mind, "I'm just telling the truth."  
  
"For once," she said, not impressed by his honesty.  
  
"I deserved that."  
  
She bit back the guilt in her throat. She refused to feel guilt or sympathy for Nathan, not after yesterday. Not after what he said to her.  
  
"I know I shouldn't have said what I said yesterday-" Nathan started.  
  
Haley interrupted him quickly, "What's said is said. I know I said some things I shouldn't have either. But, if we're going to go through this whole process, we need to go back to the beginning," she could feel the tension rising in the air, "And, I don't think either of us wants to do that."  
  
He nodded silently.  
  
"Maybe we should just forget it."  
  
"Right."  
  
Some things couldn't be forgotten.


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm so bored," Brooke said to her ceiling as she leaned back on her couch, blowing the hair out of her face. Nathan had told her he needed to go to his uncle's office to work again and of course, this left her alone... at the hotel, with absolutely nothing to do.  
  
Needless to say, she wasn't pleased.  
  
She didn't want to go shopping. She didn't want to watch TV. She didn't want to eat. She didn't want to go to the movies. She didn't want to do anything.  
  
At least, not alone.  
  
And, it seemed all she seemed to be doing these days was being alone and talking to herself. It was getting borderline depressing.  
  
She was Brooke Davis. She wasn't supposed to feel like this. She wasn't supposed to want to be with her verbally abusive more and more. But, she did. Just being in close proximity with him satisfied her needs. She just wanted him.  
  
But, he had been so cold towards her lately, even more so then he usually was. And, it hurt.  
  
She tried to not let it get to her. But, she was human. She had feelings and emotions, despite what some people have said.  
  
She truly cared about Nathan and at some point in their relationship, she thought it was reciprocated.  
  
Now, she wasn't so sure anymore and she really hated that uncertainty. She wasn't supposed to feel like that. She was supposed to be confident.  
  
Nowadays she was just... the girlfriend. The one who stayed at home, alone, wondering where the hell her boyfriend was. Brooke sighed sadly. It had gotten down to this, where she was practically having a conversation with herself. She really needed to get out. She was in New York, why was she indoors?  
  
Because, she was hoping Nathan would call and tell her that he changed his mind. That he didn't want to spend a day in a stuffy office and wanted to see New York with her.  
  
Yesterday, the call never came. She ended up calling him. Today, she had a feeling it wouldn't either.  
  
And, it hurt. It hurt more then it should've.  
  
Brooke had always made it a rule for herself to never love a guy more then he loved her because the person that loved more was the person who got hurt more and who had to work harder to keep the relationship together. She broke the rule once before.  
  
And, now she was breaking it again.  
  
Sighing, her eyes strayed over to the night stand by the bed. A few random things were strewn about and her eyes landed on a business card. It was the business card from the night before.  
  
A twinkle entered Brooke's eyes as an idea came to mind. Picking up the phone, she dialed a few numbers, "Hey, Tracy? Yeah, I need you to find a number for a 'Caitlin Monroe' and I need it, like pronto. Hmm, k," she waited for a few moments before she smiled, "Oooh, that was quick. Thanks, Tracy. Bye."  
  
Hanging up the phone, she dialed the number Tracy, her assistant, gave her and waited for someone to pick up, "Umm, hi. I'm looking for Caitlin Monroe."  
  
"Just a moment, ma'm."  
  
Brooke waited patiently before she was finally patched through.  
  
"Sales department, this is Caitlin, how may I help you?"  
  
"Hi Caitlin," Brooke said with a grin, "This is Brooke."  
  
"Brooke who?" Caitlin asked, confused.  
  
"Davis."  
  
"The model?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Oh," she said surprised, "How the hell did you get this number?"  
  
"My assistant found it for me."  
  
"How?"  
  
"With some nifty programs."  
  
"Oh," Caitlin said after a few moments, "That's umm.. kinda creepy but okay, what can I do for you?"  
  
"I'm bored," Brooke said, sighing heavily.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry?" She shrugged, "You're in New York. You'll find something to do."  
  
"I don't know anything or anyone though, except you."  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow, "Before you even ask what I know you'll ask, let me just tell you the answer is no. I've got work. And, I don't get paid millions like you so I gotta stay here and well, work."  
  
"Oh, come on, please?"  
  
"No," Caitlin said, laughing, "Hell, I don't even know you!"  
  
"That doesn't matter," Brooke said, uncaring, "Come on, I'll pay you a day's worth of pay if you just take off now. Say you need to go take care of your sick grandmother."  
  
"Which would be a lie since you are neither sick nor anything like my granny."  
  
"I'll pay you $300 to take me around town."  
  
Caitlin laughed, "Now, you see, any repsectable person would deny that but hey, I've gotta pay rent and as long as you don't go all kinky on me. We're good."  
  
"I'm taking that as a yes?"  
  
"Yeah, just tell me where to meet you."  
  
"I'm at the Ritz."  
  
"Of course," Caitlin said, slightly sarcastic.  
  
"Shut up and meet me in front in a half hour."  
  
"Sure, thing, granny."

--  
  
"So, as much umm, fun as that was," Haley said as she walked out of the chocolate store, "I'd prefer to do something a little less..." She paused, looking for the right word.  
  
"Personal?" Nathan provided, looking into her eyes.  
  
She felt her breath catch in her throat and silent cursed herself, "Yeah," she said softly. "You wanna go CD shopping?"  
  
Nathan raised an eyebrow, "CD shopping? You couldn't get a little more creative."  
  
"Hey, now," Haley said, laughing, "I'm trying. If you're so great, you think of something."  
  
"You're getting paid to take me around town."  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Haley said, "You make it sound dirty."  
  
Nathan was about to comment before Haley held up her hand.  
  
"Oh, no you don't, no perverted comments from you, thank you very much. Okay, I don't care, we're going CD shopping and we'll find you some decent music."  
  
"I like my music."  
  
Haley scoffed, "Last time I checked, you just lliked listening to pounding which had no rhythm whatsoever."  
  
"Hey, don't diss my music," Nathan said, his tone light.  
  
"Not dissing if I'm telling the truth," Haley pointed out before she hailed a taxi.  
  
"So, tell me, Ms. I Know All About The Best Music, what is considered up to your standards?" Nathan asked, his eyes playful as they walked through the aisles of Virgin Records.  
  
"Well, depends what you like. Alternative, Rap, R&B, Rock, Metal or god forbid," she cringed, "Bubblegum Pop."  
  
"I'm not gay," Nathan said with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Just checking," Haley said, laughing lightly, "Kidding. Chill. Okay, so what's your flavor?"  
  
"Anything really. I've already got a few R&B and hip-hop CDs, so show me something alternative."  
  
"Are you into the harder stuff or lighter stuff?"  
  
"What's the difference?"  
  
Haley grinned, "Like, do you like lighter stuff like Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, NFG or into the harder stuff like Staind, A Perfect Circle, Finger Eleven."  
  
Nathan looked confused.  
  
"Please tell me you've heard of these bands," Haley said, crossing her arms as she stopped in the middle of the aisle.  
  
"I don't really listen to the radio."  
  
"And, do you not turn on your TV either?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Okay, obviously you've been living under a rock for the past few years so I'm just gonna pick something out for you." She scanned the aisles for a few moments before she found the CD she was looking for, "Okay, here, Fall Out Boy. They're a little in between. If you like Alternative, you'll like them."  
  
Nathan examined the CD for a few moments before saying, "They better be good."  
  
"They are," Haley said, grinning, "Okay, now, I have to go buy some of my own CDs." She scanned the aisles and picked up a few random CDs .  
  
"So, umm, what songs are good on this?" Nathan asked, holding up the CD.  
  
"Tracks 3, 7, and 11 are good."  
  
"You have a thing for odd numbered tracks?"  
  
Haley laughed, "No, they're just the best songs on that CD. I mean, they're all good but those are the ones that stuck in my head the most."  
  
"I'm still not convinced this is a good CD."  
  
"Geez, skeptic much?" Haley raised an eyebrow, "Here, let's go find one of those earphone thingies so you can preview it." She grabbed the CD from his hand and walked towards a preview machine. When she scanned the CD, it came up unavailible.  
  
"Hmm, should I be worried that Virgin Records doesn't want me to preview this CD?"  
  
She huffed before rolling her eyes, "Just take my word for it, okay? It's good."  
  
"Prove it," Nathan said, smirking.  
  
"How the heck am I supposed to prove it?"  
  
"Sing something."  
  
She scoffed, "Nathan, I'm not going to just sing something right in the middle of the damn record store."  
  
"Scared?"  
  
She raised an eyebrow. She knew what he was doing. He was taunting her and making her rise up to the challenge. If she didn't do this, he would hold it over her head and be satisfied because she let him get the better of him.  
  
"No."  
  
She wouldn't let him win.  
  
What she didn't realize was that, either way, he won.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she sang softly at first, "I'm holding on and holding out to every letter and every grudge." She looked down and paused before continuing, "I pulled myself out of the day we ever had to meet." She swallowed hard before continuing, "Are you through with me?" Looking into his eyes, she sang the next part a little louder, feeling slightly more confident and because, the words held deeper meaning then they both wanted to admit. "And, when it all goes to hell, will you be able to tell me 'I'm sorry' with a straight face?"  
  
He took a small step back, the words to the song hitting him in the heart as he saw the raw pain in her eyes before she tried to cover it up by smiling. It never quite reached her eyes.  
  
"So, that's track 11, convinced it's good yet?"  
  
"Yeah," Nathan said quietly after a few moments, "It's good."  
  
"Right, we should go now."  
  
Neither of them moved.

--  
  
"What are you wearing or better question, what are you not wearing?" Caitlin exclaimed as she watched Brooke descend down the stairs into the main lobby.  
  
"What?" Brooke looked down at her outfit, "What's wrong with it?"  
  
"It's 40 some degrees outside, plus the wind shield. What would convince you to wear a halter top in this weather? You're in New York, not the Bahamas."  
  
"It's not a halter," Brooke defended before turning around, "It's a racerback tank and I've got a jacket," she held out the piece of clothing as proof.  
  
"Right," Caitlin said, unconvinced, "When we get out there, no complaining if you're cold."  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Brooke could no longer keep her mouth shut as she whined with a pout, "I'm so cold!"  
  
Caitlin smirked before shrugging, "Told you. This is what you get for not listening to me. Hello, I've lived here for 5 years. I think I know what I'm talking about."  
  
"Stop gloating," Brooke said annoyed, "Let's go into a store."  
  
"We're not anywhere near the stores you want to go to."  
  
"Whatever, I'll go into any store right now," Brooke said, frowning, "I don't understand why we couldn't have gone by taxi."  
  
"Because, in order to get the feel of New York, you need to enjoy it with a first hand experience, or by walking. Not by watching it all pass away in a car."  
  
Brooke looked at her incredulously, "You're insane."  
  
"I'm the insane girl that's saving your skinny butt from pneumonia," Caitlin said as she dragged Brooke into the store.  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"Virgin Records. Let's go shopping."  
  
Brooke looked around the store and sighed, "So, this is where you've decided to take me? A CD store. I thought," she mocked, "We were in New York. Nothing's boring here."  
  
Caitlin rolled her eyes, "Or you can go back outside in that piece of material you call a jacket and your halter top."  
  
"It's a racerback tank," Brooke retorted lamely.  
  
"Whatever," Caitlin shook her head, "Come on, let's go check out some of the new DVDs."  
  
"If I had known that this is what we would be doing. I don't think I would've agreed to this...."  
  
Caitlin chose to tune Brooke out as she walked further into the store, her eyes scanning the crowd. She was about to focus her attentions on Brooke when something caught her eye. She could've sworn she just saw that Nathan guy that she met at the club yesterday. Frowning, she squinted and saw that it really was him. What was he doing here and why wasn't Brooke with him?  
  
Turning back to Brooke, she asked, "Hey, if you hate hanging out with me so much why aren't you with your boyfriend?"  
  
Brooke sighed in annoyance, "He's working. Stupid jerk." She looked at Caitlin and smiled, "I don't hate hanging out with you. It's just... picking out movies and CDs is not my idea of fun."  
  
Caitlin turned back in the direction of Nathan and frowned when she saw that he was gone. Had she just imagined him? Maybe...  
  
Damn, she needed more sleep.  
  
"Okay, okay, I'm gonna buy a birthday gift real quick and then we'll leave, alright?"  
  
"Can we ride in a taxi?" Brooke asked. giving Caitlin her best smile.  
  
Caitlin shook her head, "Okay, whatever. But, you're paying for it." She walked further into the DVD aisle as she searched for the movie while Brooke stood by a display, checking out a few new CDs. Finding the movie, Caitlin grabbed it as her eyes wandered the store.  
  
She paused. Wait, did she just see Haley? Frowning, her eyes squinted as she saw her roomate standing in the middle of a CD aisle, staring straight into Nathan's eyes, neither of them moving. Rubbing her eyes, she blinked a few times and saw that, yes, they really were there.  
  
What the heck was going on?  
  
She thought Nathan was working and Haley would be too. Unless, Haley was told to lead Nathan around town again. But, that couldn't be possible since Nathan was supposed to be working... or at least, that's what he told Brooke.  
  
Realization hit Caitlin hard as her eyes strayed over to the model who was unaware of anything around her. She felt a slight pang of sympathy in her heart, knowing from just their actions and how she spoke, how much Brooke cared for Nathan.  
  
But, if he lied to her and was spending the day with Haley, his ex girlfriend, things couldn't be good. Or right.  
  
This was messy.  
  
Walking up to Brooke, Caitlin tapped her on the shoulder and waved the DVD in the air, "Okay, got it," she nodded towards the registers, "We can leave now."  
  
"Oh, thank god. Finally."  
  
Giving her a small smile, Caitlin followed Brooke as they walked towards the check out line. She glanced back once again at Haley and Nathan, a few questions forming in her mind.

--  
  
"So, where are we going now?" Nathan asked as they walked out of the record store.  
  
Haley looked down at her watch, surprised at the time, "Wow, it's already 3:00."  
  
"Already?" Nathan said, surprised, "Well, so what? We've still got time to blow."  
  
"I've gotta get back to the office."  
  
"But, I th-"  
  
"I know, day off. Well, Mr. Scott doesn't just give me copying work to do. I've got a few files to run over and reports to finish up before tomorrow. I didn't expect it to be so late."  
  
Nathan nodded in understanding, "So, you're leaving," he paused, "Again."  
  
Frowning, Haley looked at him in confusion, refusing to let the deeper meaning sink in, "I guess. I'll umm, see you around. This was fun."  
  
She didn't mean it. The last thing she wanted at the moment was to see Nathan again. It wasn't so much that she hated him or was getting sick of him. It was the lack of those emotions that scared her. Being in his presense brought back so many memories and feelings of what they had. Feelings of something deep.  
  
She hadn't experienced anything like that since him.  
  
And, that scared her before. And, it still scared her now. She felt so much when she was around him. She felt... alive.  
  
But, their relationship was in the past. This was the present. She couldn't let the two collide and entangle in one another.  
  
As much as she wanted to.  
  
"Wait," Nathan said suddenly, "Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?"  
  
Haley looked at him uncertain, "Nathan, I don't think that such a good idea."  
  
"Why not? Just a friendly dinner. We'll get reacquainted. All of us. I'll bring Brooke and we could just," he sighed, reaching desperately for something to convince her, "talk?"  
  
Haley laughed and shook her head, "I don't-"  
  
"Please, Haley," Nathan said quietly.  
  
Nathan rarely ever said please. And he almost never begged. It was because of that fact that when he finally did do these things, it reached deeper into her heart. He truly wanted this, she could tell by the look in his eyes and the sincerity in his words.  
  
To any other girl, a man as handsome as Nathan Scott being so intensely sincere should've been faint-inducing. But, to Haley, it only scared her and pushed her away further.  
  
She couldn't do this again. She promised herself she wouldn't let him get to her or fall for his charms.  
  
It was so hard though.  
  
"I can't," Haley apologized, "I'm sorry."  
  
He straightened, replacing his face with a stoney composure, "Don't."  
  
"I'll see you-"  
  
"Whatever, " Nathan said coldly as he turned away, walking down the street away from her. She had rejected him again. He should've been used to it by now.  
  
But, he wasn't. And, this time, the pain seemed to go deeper and penetrate through the entire body.  
  
Haley stood in the middle of the street, her arms hanging limply by her side as she whispered, "Goodbye."

--  
  
"Rough day?" Caitlin asked, not looking up from her magazine as she heard Haley come in.  
  
"That obvious?" Haley muttered as she dropped her bags on the floor, "I got the pleasure of leading Nathan around the city again."  
  
"Uh huh," Caitlin said with a raised eyebrow, "Virgin Records?"  
  
"Yeah," Haley said, surprised and confused, "How'd you-" She paused, "You were there?"  
  
"Brooke called." She began to explain, "Found my work number somehow and asked me to take her around the hot spots. I wanted to teach her a little lesson so, I let her walk outside in her thin ass jacket and she got cold so we went into Virgin. I needed to buy a gift anyway. And, well, I saw him and then I saw you. And, then I saw him and you," Caitlin raised an eyebrow, "Something you wanna tell me?"  
  
"Tell you what?" Haley asked, trying to sound innocent.  
  
"Why there was that whole intense 'I can't take my eyes off of you cuz you're the love of my life' stare?"  
  
She swallowed hard and shrugged, "I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"Haley James, you are a lot of things. A good liar, you are not," Caitlin said as she raised an eyebrow.  
  
Haley shook her head, "Fine, maybe you're right but I just," she sighed heavily, "I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"I'm not here to interrogate, okay?" Caitlin said gently, "I just worry. He's not exactly the most honest of people."  
  
"What do you mean?" Haley asked, confused.  
  
"I think he lied to Brooke about where he was. She thought he'd been working the past two days when he was really-"  
  
"Going around town with me," Haley finished, "Oh, god, that'll sound so bad if she finds out." Her eyes widened, "You didn't-"  
  
"Oh, no. I'm not that dumb," Caitlin said with a laugh. She paused and examined Haley, "Why the sad look?"  
  
"It seems everytime we part, we leave each other on bad terms."  
  
"What happened now?"  
  
"Well," Haley sat down on the couch tiredly, "He asked me to dinner with him and Brooke and god, could that get more awkward? I don't know but I think he was really stretching it with that one. I mean, he wanted to get together to 'talk'," she did air quotes with her fingers. "I mean, really, "talk"?" She rolled her eyes, "I can already picture how that conversation will turn out."  
  
Caitlin grinned, "Since when did you get so pessimistic?"  
  
"I've always been this pessimistic," Haley said, sighing.  
  
"You're such a liar. You're usually all, 'oh, yes, this could work.' or 'don't give up now' and well, now, you're all," Caitlin paused, looking for the right word, "Icky."  
  
"Have I ever told you you're wonderful for my ego?" Haley asked sarcastically.  
  
"Hey, no need to get all cynical here," Caitlin said, raising her hands in defeat, "I think you should go."  
  
"You're insane," Haley said simply.  
  
"Hey, that's the second time someone's said that to me today."  
  
"That should tell you something."  
  
"Hey, no comments are needed from the peanut gallery," Caitlin said grinning, "Seriously, though. I mean, you can't ignore them forever."  
  
"Yes, I damn well can."  
  
"Haley," Caitlin said, giving her a serious look, "You can hide all you want but you'll always be thinking of it and if not intentionally, then I will remind you every damn day."  
  
"You're insane," Haley repeated.  
  
"Why, thanks, I love you too," Caitlin said, slightly sarcastic.  
  
"Hey, being cynical is my job."  
  
"Well, it's infectious," Caitlin said with a pout, "See, now I'm all icky too. Damn, this is all your fault. Okay, you owe me so let's go to dinner with them. I'll just tag along."  
  
"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea."  
  
"What is this, Rugrats?" Caitlin asked, "Oh, come on, you know Rugrats! Don't make me start singing."  
  
Haley raised an eyebrow, "How old are you?"  
  
"Not 50, unlike you," Cailtin commented with a raised eyebrow, "And, if it's really that bad then okay, we'll bail. I'll be there for you."  
  
"This is such a bad idea," Haley said unsurely.  
  
"That's a yes then?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess," Haley said quietly before asking, "How am I supposed to reach him?"  
  
"See, nowadays we have a thing called a phone," Caitlin started.  
  
"Thank you," Haley gave her a menacing look, "I don't know his number and he probably hates me." She paused, "And what if he-"  
  
"Okay, that's it," Caitlin said, pointing a finger at Haley, "The words, probably and what if are banned from your vocabulary. It's called 411, the internet, and a little thing called a girly apologetic voice."  
  
"I'm not groveling or apologzing," Haley said determined.  
  
"Stubborn much?" Caitlin rolled her eyes, "Okay, if you won't do it for the sake of your own sanity and mine, will you do it for the free food?"  
  
Haley laughed lightly, "Fine. Fine." She pointed an acccusing finger at Caitlin, "If this doesn't work, it's all your fault."  
  
"Fine, fine, blame it all on the innocent bystander then."  
  
Haley grinned and picked up the phone, "Hello? 411, yes, I'm looking for a number for the," she paused, "Wait, what hotel?"  
  
"Ritz," Caitlin whispered back.  
  
"The Ritz Carlton hotel. Hmm. Okay. Yeah, thanks." A few minutes and transfers later, the phone line was ringing and Haley latched onto her phone nervously, waiting for someone to pick up.  
  
And, someone did.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
He sounded mad. Wasn't it a bad sign that even though she didn't even say anything yet, he already sounded mad? Surpressing her childish fears, she said calmly, "Nathan?"  
  
"Haley?" He sounded surprised before the tone disappeared, "What is it?"  
  
"I just umm," Haley sighed, "Okay, screw it. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for this afternoon and I'd really like to get a bite to eat with you and Brooke."  
  
The phone line remained quiet as Haley latched onto the phone even tighter, not understanding why he wasn't saying anything.  
  
"Nathan?" She asked after a few moments.  
  
"Uhh, yeah," his voice was slightly dazed, "Is tomorrow okay with you?"  
  
Haley laughed lightly, "Tomorrow's Friday, Nathan. How do you plan to make reservations this late?"  
  
She could practically hear his smirk over the phone as he answered, "Oh, I always find a way."  
  
"Okay, so, where are we going then?"  
  
"I don't know yet," Nathan paused, "How about we meet for lunch and well, talk about it?"  
  
Her urges to say 'no' struck her mind but she surpressed them, remembering Caitlin's earlier words. She had to be strong. She could handle Nathan. She had to prove to herself that she had moved on from the past. The only way to do that is to face Nathan. Caitlin was right, she couldn't ignore him. She may not see him physically.  
  
But, he would still always be there. In the back of her mind, just like he had been for the past 6 years.  
  
So, that was all this was, a chance to forget him and move on, once and for all.  
  
Haley smiled to herself reassuringly, "Sure. I'll meet you in front of your hotel at noon."  
  
"Okay," Nathan said, still surprised, "I'll see you soon."  
  
"Bye."  
  
She hung up the phone, a small smile on her face.

--  
  
"Who was that?" Brooke asked, walking out of the bathroom, her hair wet from the shower.  
  
"Nobody," Nathan said quietly as he sat on the edge of the bed, leaning his elbows on his knees.  
  
He felt Brooke crawl on top of him and wrapped her arms around his neck and then moved them down his chest towards his belt buckle. She leaned in and kissed his ear, all the way down to his neck.  
  
While his body felt stimulated, his heart wasn't in the right place. This just didn't feel right. Nothing with Brooke felt right anymore. They haven't felt right in awhile, if ever.  
  
This was just... wrong.  
  
Pushing her away gently, Nathan said, "Not now, Brooke."  
  
She ignored him and continued kissing him, "Oh, come on, baby. I missed you today."  
  
His mind was elsewhere though and he was barely even paying attention to what Brooke was babbling into his ear. His mind.. was on her. Haley. His mind was on the way she laughed. The way she talked. The way she sang. The way her lips moved as she grinned. The curve of her mouth as she sang with an open heart. He couldn't get her off of his mind and somehow, what was happening with Brooke right now.. just felt like betrayal.  
  
But, he wasn't betraying Haley. They weren't together and they haven't been for 6 years. A part of him still felt like he belonged to her though and vice versa. He didn't want that feeling to go away, even though it should've.  
  
Sighing, he pushed Brooke off of him as he stood up, "I need a drink." Walking out of the hotel room and down to the bar, he never looked back as he closed the door.  
  
Brooke sat back on the bed, surprised at what had just happened. She felt the tears sting her eyes as she covered herself up with her robe, feeling nothing more then a rejected and cheap whore.  
  
Why did she let him do this to her?


	8. Chapter 8

"Do you have plans on making me an alcoholic or something?" Haley asked as she sipped her cosmopolitan.  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow, "Hey, you're the one that ordered a drink, I never made you."  
  
"Well, I can't come to a bar and not order a drink," Haley retorted before she stirred her cosmopolitan with her multicolored toothpick.  
  
"Why not? Who the hell cares if you do or don't. This place gets enough business anyway. I don't think one drink is gonna tip the scales very much," Caitlin said matter-of-factly as she took a gulp of her Long Island Ice Tea. "Damn, this thing is gonna go straight to my head."  
  
"And, you have work tomorrow."  
  
"Yes," Caitlin slammed her hand down onto the table, "Thank god it's almost Friday!"  
  
Haley laughed lightly, "I think you're drunk."  
  
"I'm not," she replied assuredly, "I'm just a little tipsy." She frowned, "I think."  
  
Grinning, Haley nodded, "I think you're tipsy too," she paused, "I think I am a bit too," she giggled, "Oh well!"  
  
"Man," Caitlin complained, "We really have to stop going out on weekdays and getting 'tipsy'," she used air quotes, "That's what the weekend is for."  
  
Haley looked around the bar, "I don't think we're the only ones."  
  
"These are tourists," Caitlin guessed, "It doesn't matter if they get drunk or not."  
  
"Tipsy," Haley corrected before giggling, "Hmm, maybe drunk." She paused, "Drunk is such a funny word. Have you ever thought of that? It's like drank, but with an 'u'."  
  
Caitlin sobered up a bit and raised her eyebrow, "Okay, no more Cosmopolitans for you. How many have you had anyway?"  
  
"I lost track after the fourth one," Haley shrugged, "Oh, well, at least now I'm not thinking about 'He who shall not be named'."  
  
"Nathan?"  
  
Haley scoffed dramatically, "Hello! 'He who shall not be named'!"  
  
"Oh," Caitlin said, her eyes wide in a joking manner, "My bad."  
  
Haley giggled, "It's alright. Besides, now I'm thinking about him anyway."  
  
"Whatever happened with him?"  
  
Haley shook her head and put her finger to her lips, "Shh. Can't tell."  
  
"Come on, Haley. We've been friends for 5 years. I'm not gonna go around telling everybody. Not that anyone else even cares."  
  
She sighed heavily before pouting, "I don't know. It's bad to bring up the past. I'll get all wide eyed and wishing I could turn back time," her fingers did a circular movement before she leaned back against the booth, "I sometimes wish I could. I'd turn it back before we started fighting all the damn time. I'd turn it back to when things were still good," Haley paused, "Before-"  
  
She stopped herself as she found the alchohol fading off and reality returning. Finding her voice, she said softly, "Can we leave?"  
  
Caitlin looked at her seriously before nodding, "Yeah, sure."  
  
The humor was gone.

--  
  
It felt like someone was pounding her head with a hammer. Or, in simpler terms, she had one hell of a hangover.  
  
Hearing the alarm go off, Haley's hand slapped at her alarm clock as she groaned loudly. Cursing quietly, she pushed herself off the bed and into the shower, thankful that it was Friday even though it didn't feel like one.  
  
When she finally got out of the shower, she quickly dried her hair and pushed it up into a loose ponytail before walking to her closet, quickly getting an outfit out before dressing herself. She walked back into the bathroom, surprised to see that it wasn't occupied. Running down the hallway, she saw that Caitlin's door was still closed.  
  
"Damn," Haley cursed as she rushed into Caitlin's room, "Wake up, Caity, come on, you're gonna be late!"  
  
"Huh?" Caitlin muttered into her pillow, "Just a few more minutes."  
  
"You don't have a few mor minutes," Haley pushed at her, "Come on, it's already 8:30, you're gonna be late!"  
  
Caitlin's head shot up, "It's what time?"  
  
"8:30, let's go!"  
  
"Oh, sht," Caitlin shot out of her bed and into the bathroom, leaving the door open so Haley could go in as well. While Haley applied her makeup, Caitlin took a quick shower.  
  
Haley walked into the kitchen and took out the advil bottle, leaving a few on the counter for Caitlin before downing hers. She started making the coffee as she sat on the stool, waiting for Caitlin to come out of the bathroom.  
  
Caitlin rushed into the kitchen, swallowing the pills as she downed her coffee.  
  
"That's a bad combo."  
  
"I could care less at the moment," Caitlin said as she grabbed her keys and rushed out the door, with Haley following behind.  
  
"We're gonna be late," Haley said simply.  
  
Caitlin sighed, "No, we're not. I've done this type of thing before. We'll be fine."  
  
Haley snorted, "There's a thing called traffic."  
  
"There's also a thing called running."  
  
"I'm not running 30 blocks to work," Haley said as she walked into the elevator.  
  
"We'll run to catch our usual train and we'll get there on time. Just no breakfast pit stop."  
  
"I was looking forward to my morning fruit and muffin," Haley pouted, "Oh, well, I'll make up for it at lunch," she paused before slapping her hand against her forehead, "Crap. I totally forgot to tell you. I called Nathan and we're all going out to eat tonight."  
  
Caitlin looked at her incredulously, "Where exactly?"  
  
"I don't know. We're deciding that over lunch and then we'll make reservations."  
  
"For what? Six weeks later?" Caitlin asked honestly, "Seriously, all the good places are gonna be booked and knowing these two, they won't go anything below 4 stars."  
  
"Nathan said he had connections."  
  
"Right, cuz I'm gonna believe everything that comes out of his mouth," Caitlin said as she rushed down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk. She tried her best to powerwalk in heels but found that it was hard to keep balance and surpress her migraine.  
  
"I believe him and if not, then hey, no dinner. Don't see me complaining."  
  
"Please tell me I didn't force you into anything," Caitlin said guiltily.  
  
"You didn't," Haley said honestly, "I'm doing this for me. It'll help me move on."  
  
"Or fall for him all over again."  
  
"Hey! I'm the pessimist."  
  
Caitlin grinned, "I know what you mean but I just don't want to see you hurt."  
  
"I won't be."

--  
  
"You were late today, Ms. James," Christopher Scott said as he skimmed over the file Haley handed him.  
  
"Good morning to you, too, Mr. Scott," Haley muttered before apologizing, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."  
  
"That's good to know," Mr. Scott said as he handed the papers he wanted Haley to copy to her.  
  
She was almost out the door when he spoke up again.  
  
"So, I hear my nephew has taken quite an interest in you."  
  
She turned around, puzzled, "What do you mean?"  
  
"He asks for you by name and drops by here, even though I know he despises me."  
  
Haley frowned at his words, "It was just business."  
  
"I'm sure he wouldn't like to hear that." Mr. Scott said simply, "He seems to like you well enough."  
  
"As a guide," Haley said surely, "He already has a girlfriend."  
  
"That little piece of fluff doesn't matter much. He hasn't even introduced her to the family yet."  
  
Haley looked surprised, "I'm not sure-"  
  
Mr. Scott stopped her and smiled, "Don't fret about it. I just thought you should know since you're usually oblivious."  
  
His tone was light and Haley found no offense in his words.  
  
"Well, go on now, I need those copies by the end of the hour and oh, Haley?"  
  
She turned back, her hand on the doorknob.  
  
"Good morning."

--  
  
Haley leaned her forehead against the edge of the desk as she took in a few deep breaths. Being at the office, sporting a huge migraine was the last thing Haley wanted at the moment. She popped a few more pills in her mouth as she leaned back in her chair, eyes closed.  
  
"Taking drugs now, are we?"  
  
Haley's eyes shot open at the voice and she felt the nervousness fade away as she saw who it was, "Nathan?" She looked at her watch, "You're early."  
  
"Better then being late."  
  
"You've never once been early before," Haley said, laughing.  
  
"First time for everything," Nathan said as he examined her.  
  
"I thought I was meeting you at the hotel though."  
  
"I got bored," he answered honestly, "Besides, I wanted to save you from your workplace again. I can always leave though-"  
  
Haley got up quickly and stopped him, "No, no, we can leave, as in now."  
  
Nathan grinned, "That bad?"  
  
She nodded, "That bad."  
  
"So, my uncle's been a slavedriver lately?" Nathan asked as the two made their way to the elevator, their pace comfortable and their steps in sync.  
  
"Not lately," Haley said with a grin, "Seems like he's always been like this, since I first started working here."  
  
"Yeah, my whole family seems to be into the whole overworking deal," Nathan said as he shoved his hands into his pockets.  
  
Haley raised an eyebrow, "You calling yourself an overworker?"  
  
"Well, I guess," he laughed, "I think we both remember how I was in high school."  
  
She smiled shortly before looking away, not wanting him to see the pain in her eyes. "I remember."  
  
Nathan cleared his throat uncomfortably and sighed, "I really hate this."  
  
Haley looked up, startled, "What?"  
  
"This, right here," he pointed in the space between the two, "I really hate it. This uncomfortable tension. We both-"  
  
"Nathan," Haley forced out a laugh, "There's nothing," she cleared her throat, "In between us."  
  
"We both have things to say, Haley."  
  
She looked up at the elevator and stabbed at the button, wishing it would arrive faster, yet again, never realizing the irony in her actions. "No," she pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, "We don't. Why don't we just leave things as they were and just," she paused, "move on?"  
  
"I can't move on," Nathan said intensely.  
  
Surprised at his words, Haley looked up at him, "What?"  
  
"You heard me."  
  
"I know I heard you but I couldn't have possibly heard you correctly. You were the one that," she looked at him incredulously, "You left me, remember? And, you're telling me, you're the one who can't move on?" She shook her head, an unbelieving laugh escaping her lips, "This is ridiculous."  
  
"It's the truth, Haley and I bet that if you weren't stuck with me in this elevator, you'd be running away."  
  
"You don't know what you're talking about, Nathan."  
  
"I don't?" He challeneged, "When we reach the lobby, promise me you'll still come to lunch with me and we'll talk."  
  
"I don't want to talk."  
  
"Well, we're going to have to because we can't ignore this. You're the one who wants to move on."  
  
She looked back and him and threw his words back at him, "And, apparently, you're the one who can't so what's the point?"  
  
"The point is we'll going gain some peace of mind and maybe-"  
  
"Maybe what, Nathan? Go back to the way we were? Be lovers again? Or maybe, best friends?" She asked, her voice raising, "We will never go back to that and honestly, right now, I don't want to go back to that. We were in high school. We were just stupid teenagers thinking we could go up against the world when it was so obvious that we would lose. We were naive, Nathan," she said harshly, "It's as simple as that."  
  
He shook his head, looking at her sadly. "You've changed."  
  
"Yeah, Nathan, I have. This is who I am now," she looked at him hotly, "This is what I've become."  
  
"Because of me," he said, slightly guilty.  
  
"Please, don't flatter yourself," she rolled her eyes, "And, don't act like the weak and hurt little boy. We both know that's not what you're like."  
  
Nathan's eyes narrowed at her words, "You really don't know who I am anymore."  
  
"We've been apart for 6 years, Scott," she said, her voice nearly hysterical, "What do you think would happen? That we'd still be exactly the way we were? Maybe you haven't but I sure as hell wanted to forget what happened. And, I did. I moved on." The elevator bell rang and Haley stormed out, throwing out behind her, "Maybe, you should too."  
  
Nathan stood unmoving in the elevator, shaking his head, "No, you really haven't."

--  
  
Haley walked quickly for a few blocks before she pulled out her cell, quickly dialing a few numbers, hoping a certain someone would pick up.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Haley grinned, "And, a cheery good morning to you too!"  
  
Caitlin groaned, "Man, you are way too perky for someone who's supposed to be hung over."  
  
"I'm not anywhere near perky," Haley sighed as she slowed her pace, "You wanna go out for lunch?"  
  
"I thought you were meeting Nathan."  
  
"Long story."  
  
"Give me the Cliff Notes version," Caitlin said as she sat back in her seat.  
  
"He came to pick me up, we got into another fight and I stormed off."  
  
"You guys seem to always get into fights. It's confusing. I mean, one moment, you're cool and meeting each other for lunch and the next, you're fighting and storming off." Caitlin grinned, "Just like a soap opera."  
  
"This isn't funny," Haley said, slightly offended.  
  
"Step out of your shoes and view this from my eyes."  
  
Haley paused, "Okay, so it might be slightly amusing but still," a small laugh escaped her lips, "This is not what I called you for."  
  
Caitlin smiled, "You feel better though, right?"  
  
"Yeah, I do."  
  
"Good, that's what I'm here for. So, where are we going to get food?"  
  
"Your pick today."  
  
"You wanna go to Mandler's?" Caitlin asked as she stepped into her office elevator, "I'm in the mood for hot dogs."  
  
"So, not only do you plan to make me an alcoholic, you wanna get me fat too."  
  
"Yeah, right," Caitlin said sarcastically, "It's all a part of my evil plan to get you gigantic."  
  
Haley laughed, "Alright, I'll meet you at Union Square."  
  
"Hmm, k, bye babe and please, don't get into another fight."  
  
"I promise, I won't."

--  
  
"Nathan," Brooke exclaimed as she jumped up from the bed, turning off the TV when she saw the angry look in his eyes. "Look, we need to talk about a f-"  
  
Before she could finish, she was under Nathan's strong grip and felt her back being pushed down against the bed as she struggled to breathe through Nathan's hard kisses.  
  
Something must've happened.  
  
Brooke knew this because this passion and desire was not directed towards her. She knew that from the start and she knew she should've stopped him.  
  
But, he felt so good.  
  
Moaning, Brooke pulled off his shirt and kissed his with equal fervor as he wrapped his arms around her body, pulling the clothing off of her her, not caring if he was ripping through material.  
  
This was what she wanted. This passion, this need, this want. The flame that she and Nathan had before quickly faded out, but this, this was new. This was different and this was exactly what Brooke wanted.  
  
It wasn't for her.  
  
But, she could pretend.

--  
  
"What happened?" Brooke asked softly as she gently caressed Nathan's chest.  
  
His breathing was coming in short pants as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. He should've felt better. He should've felt.. something, something other then guilt.  
  
But, that was all that tainted his heart at the moment. Guilt and betrayal. He should not have felt this but for some reason, it wouldn't let go. He couldn't get the feeling out of his body.  
  
Frustrated, he leaned over and began kissing Brooke again, this time harsher in his actions.  
  
Brooke moaned in surprise and pulled back from the kiss, "Easy, tiger, I'm not up for seconds yet. Give me some breathing time."  
  
He didn't listen.  
  
Gasping, Brooke moaned before she realized that his actions were getting too frenzied, too intense. Too real to the point that it broke through the shroud of lies she had put up before.  
  
She couldn't mask this new desire that overcame Nathan.  
  
He wanted someone else. Not her. And, it killed a part of her.  
  
"Nathan, stop," her voice cracked as she pushed at his chest. She couldn't do ths with him. She couldn't fall into this web any further. She would only end up hating herself more then she already did. "Nathan," she said again before she pushed him off of her completely, "Stop."  
  
He stared at her for a few moments, his eyes hard before he threw on his shirt. Not wanting to watch her break down, he turned away, hearing the sob catch in her throat. Pulling on his pants, he walked out of the hotel room, desperate for some air.  
  
Brooke sat on the bed, the sheet covering her naked body as the tears fell from her eyes once again.  
  
She couldn't do this anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

"I think we should ditch," Caitlin said as she took a bite out of her hot dog.  
  
Haley raised an eyebrow, "We're not in high school anymore, Caity, if we 'ditch', we don't get paid."  
  
Caitlin pouted before rolling her eyes, "I hate being a grown up. All these responsibilities. It sucks."  
  
Haley laughed lightly, "Great way of summarizing it. But, hey, at least now you don't have to keep borrowing your parent's car."  
  
"Like I need a car anyway," Caitlin said as she waved her hand about, "In New York here."  
  
"Huh, good point," Haley paused, "You can drink." She stopped herself before addding, "Legally."  
  
She smirked, "Like that ever stopped me."  
  
Haley gasped dramatically, "Why, Cailtin Monroe! For shame."  
  
"Right, I'm terrible, I know," Caitlin said with a grin, "But, seriously. I'm missing the younger years. All we had to worry about back then were acne, boys, school, and well, more boys."  
  
"I like now," Haley said truthfully, "It feels more independent and hey, being a grown up isn't so bad." She stopped herself, "Man, I sound like a commercial."  
  
"That you do, but because I love you, I didn't want to break it to you."  
  
Haley smacked Caitlin lightly on the arm before she finished up her hot dog, "I've got another half hour before I've gotta get back."  
  
"You could have the whole day if you just don't go back at all."  
  
"Caitlin-" Haley's voice held warning as she looked at her friend with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Okay, mother," Caitlin said, defeated, "I'll go back. Insert some numbers into the pretty machine and get paid close to minimum wage for it."  
  
"Always the optimist."  
  
"You know it."  
  
"So," Caitlin said, dragging the word out, "What happened with Nathan? Specifics and detailed version though."  
  
Haley snorted, "Way to be subtle."  
  
"Tact and subtle are words that don't exist in my vocabulary," Caitlin stated as she grinned, "So, tell me. I'm looking forward to my daily dose of drama."  
  
Haley raised an eyebrow, "I am not some mid-day TV show, thank you very much."  
  
"No, you're just my best friend," Caitlin smiled, "Who I love very, very much."  
  
"Flattery will get you nowhere."  
  
"Oh, come on, Haley," Caitlin whined, "I'm not letting you borrow my eye shadow anymore. That midnight pink one that I got from Shiseido," her eyes narrowed, "Which I think you're wearing right now!" She scoffed, "Geez, thanks for asking."  
  
"Okay, okay, I'll tell you," Haley gave up with a small grin.  
  
After a few moments of silence, Caitlin said impatiently, "Well...."  
  
"I'm trying to figure out where to start." Haley replied with a smirk.  
  
"Dear god, you're not writing a novel."  
  
Haley laughed, "Okay, so you know how he came to my work early and we were about to head off to a peaceful lunch but hell, we didn't even make it out the damn elevator." She sighed, "He told me that he couldn't move on," Haley shook her head, "And, he acts like that's my fault."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
Haley looked up surprised, "What?"  
  
"I don't mean to prod but there has to be a reason why he thinks that."  
  
"He just wants to push everything onto me," Haley said decisively.  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Don't look at me like that," Haley said with a frown.  
  
Caitlin raised both of her hands up in defeat, "Sorry."  
  
She sighed, "Damn it, I hate that you're always right."  
  
"Hey, don't hate me cuz I'm perfect," Caitlin said, laughing lightly before she looked at Haley seriously, "So, is it your fault?"  
  
Haley shrugged, "I don't know," she answered honestly, "I don't think it's just any one person's fault. I mean, could you really do that? Just blame a relationship's problems all on one person? It just doesn't make any sense."  
  
Caitlin simply nodded.  
  
"It just felt like we were slowly deteriorating," Haley said softly, "And, I wanted to remember him as something good."  
  
"So, you were the one who did the actual breaking up?"  
  
Haley looked down at the sidewalk and stopped walking, "I guess, officially, yes, but he was the one that left so it was more of a mutual thing."  
  
"You didn't expect him to hold it against you?"  
  
"No," Haley said, her voice rising, "I thought we could both be adults but he keeps attacking me and wanting to bring it up. It's over and done with and we both should've moved on. If he didn't, that's not my problem," she said, looking intensely at Caitlin, "Not anymore."  
  
Caitlin nodded before asking, "If you've moved on, why does it even matter that he brings it up."  
  
Haley's jaw tightened as she shook her head, "I don't like talking about it."  
  
"Are you sure you've moved on then?"  
  
"Maybe not completely," she said after a few moments, "But, I'm getting there."  
  
"Really?" Caitlin leaned in and looked closely at Haley, "So, why is it every time I say 'Nathan', your jaw tightens and your eyes get darker."  
  
Haley simply looked away before asking quietly, "Can we not talk about this anymore?"  
  
"Sure," Caitlin said as she walked in step with Haley.  
  
Was Caitlin right? Was she really as hung up on Nathan as she was before? It couldn't be possible. It had been 6 years and Haley had moved on as much as she could. She had pushed past the pain and grew up. She had become independent.  
  
At least, she thought she did. Then, Nathan showed up again and just made everything so much more complicated. She was questioning everything now. Nothing made sense to her, she was even questioning her own judgment on how she acted with him 6 years back.  
  
That was something she had never done before.  
  
Sure, she asked herself about what she did wrong during the relationship and spent a few too many nights analyzing that aspect of their relationship but never the end. The break up, if you could even call it that, was the one thing Haley was sure of. She did the right thing.  
  
She didn't want to see the only good thing in her life at that time collapse into nothing and so, she broke it off. But, in her mind, it had been broken off long before that.  
  
Haley didn't want to ruin their relationship by having a grand breakup complete with fighting and tears. That would only bring insult to what she and Nathan had and so she stopped it, before it could get any worse.  
  
Nathan had accused her of giving up. And, maybe, in a way, she did. But, she was so tired.  
  
The fights had taken it's toll on her and she didn't want to remember him as a regret. Nathan meant more to her then that.  
  
So, maybe it was true what Caitlin said, maybe she didn't move on yet. After all, if she truly did, talking about it with Nathan and seeing him wouldn't have had such an effect on her. But, what she said to him was the truth.  
  
They couldn't go back.  
  
They were different people now with different lives to lead. She wasn't going to just drop everything that she knew to be with him. She had to think realistically.  
  
This was no longer high school where her worries and responsibilities consisted of school, working at the cafe, her friends and boyfriend. She was older now. She was more mature.  
  
She had responsibilities that she couldn't drop. She refused to be selfish and forget her responsibilities for Nathan.  
  
She had her own life now. A life that she was happy with. A life with loving friends and family. A life without a boyfriend but that wasn't what was important. The important thing was that she was happy.  
  
And, she was. At least, she thought she was.  
  
Despite that fact, she knew she could not give up what she had for something that may not even be.  
  
She and Nathan were in the past and she had to learn to accept that and move on past it. Rekindling what they had would be the worst mistake she could make, not only because things would only become more tangled but also because she was still scared and not ready.  
  
She was truly scared of him and the effect he had on her. All her life, no one else made her feel the way he did.  
  
She wasn't ready to give up the control yet. And, maybe, she never would be. But, her relationship with Nathan had been a possession, he overcame her entire being and she let him, willingly. She had opened herself up to him completely.  
  
She shouldn't have but she did.  
  
She was young and she would've done anything for love. Now, she just saw how dangerous and foolish it was. A small part of the naive high school girl still remained in her and she knew that if she let Nathan in again, this time, she may not be strong enough to let go.  
  
Not again.

--  
  
"Why do you always do that?"  
  
Nathan looked up tiredly at Brooke as he walked into the hotel room. He closed the door and leaned casually against it, staring at her with cold eyes.  
  
"You always leave after we have sex. You never stay, at least not lately." Brooke's voice held determination and slight contempt, "Is there something wrong with me?"  
  
"Brooke, I'm really not in the mood for this."  
  
"Well, I could give a shit, Nathan because I am and I want to talk." She said, her voice cracking, "Do you even see what you're doing to me?" She asked, incredulously, the tears visible in her eyes, "Do you even care?" She asked softly.  
  
He simply stared at her, his face stone.  
  
"Stop standing there with that damn look on your face and talk to me," she walked towards him, her hands shaking, "I need you to talk to me, Nathan. I need you to just," she shook her head in defeat, "I need you to do something. Something, anything." She looked up at him intensely, "For me. Please."  
  
Sighing in annoyance, Nathan walked past her, "Are you done?"  
  
Brooke could feel her heart shatter in front of her as she suddenly found it hard to breathe, "Why do I let you do this to me?"  
  
"I don't know, Brooke," he answered as he sat down onto the bed, his hand reaching for the remote.  
  
She turned around, watching his movements, not believing he would have the nerve to turn on the TV while she was standing on the sidelines, slowly breaking down. "Do I even matter to you or am I just some girl that you fuck but means nothing to you?"  
  
"What do you want me to say, Brooke?" Nathan asked, aggravated, "I love you? Fine, I love you. Happy?"  
  
Brooke's eyes widened as she walked up to him, about to slap him before he stopped her, holding onto her wrist tightly. "Let go of me," she said with venom in her voice.  
  
"Isn't this what you want, Brooke? For me to pay attention to you. Well, here I am, paying attention to you."  
  
"You are such an asshole," she said, the tears stinging her eyes, "And, I hate myself for loving you."  
  
He let her go in disgust as she stumbled back, the tears rolling freely down her face.  
  
"Does that bother you? That I love you despite what do to me. Does that make you feel all manly that you have that control over me? Does it make you feel more worthy and not so useless that I want you?" She spat, "You throw me down, Nathan, and you make me stay down because you like that control. You're sick," She said, her hands at her sides, tightened into fists, "But I still love you."  
  
He shook his head, not letting her words get to him.  
  
"All your life, you've felt like you weren't enough," Brooke said, the truth stabbing in her words, "Your dad, basketball, Lucas," she looked straight into his eyes, "Haley. I know what happened. And, it just pushed you over the edge. Now, you get off on any kinda control you can get. You think I don't know that you've been out with her? I found out, Nathan," she said in anger, "I'm not some stupid little girl. That's why you've been so aggressive lately. It's because she's pushing you away again. She doesn't want you," she said harshly, "And you take it out on me."  
  
"Shut up, Brooke," Nathan said calmly.  
  
"Why? For once, someone is telling the truth."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Can't handle it?" She taunted, "Well, you know what? I don't care because I am done with you."  
  
He looked up at her, his eyes glaring daggers.  
  
"I can't take this anymore, what you've done with me. You mess with my mind, Nathan. You make me think that you love me when you don't even care if I fall off the face of the earth," Brooke said, her voice shattered, her soul broken.  
  
"I love you," Nathan said as he walked towards her, his eyes cold.  
  
"Don't say that to me, you jerk," she spat, "Don't make me think-" her voice caught in her throat, "Don't do this to me. Don't make me-"  
  
Before she could say anymore, his lips were on hers and he pushed her up against the door of the room, his hands all over her.  
  
It was wrong. And dark.  
  
But, they both couldn't stop from giving in.  
  
They were too weak.

--  
  
It was cold.  
  
Nathan could hear the quiet humming of the air conditioner as his eyes slowly opened, the chill of the room washing over him. It seemed to pierce right through him and he shivered visibly. He pulled the covers further up over his naked body as he turned onto his side, silently watching a sleeping Brooke.  
  
Her body was covered by a thin sheet and Nathan immediately threw the cover over her. She pulled it further around her as she snuggled into the warmth before falling back further into the depths of sleep.  
  
Nathan's eyes never came off of her as he reached his hand out and slowly traced over her exposed skin with his forefinger. She was always so smooth, so soft, and so happy.  
  
It bugged him.  
  
Why should she be so happy when he was so miserable? They had met up when they were both seniors in college at some random party and there she was, happy as ever, a wide smile on her face as she was draped over some guy. And, beginning from then, he wanted nothing more then to just wipe that smile off her face.  
  
He didn't hate her. It wasn't anything like that. It was just, something about that smile and her happiness... it bothered him. He felt the world should be sad and depressed, just like he was. He loathed the sunny weather and warmth of California.  
  
It just constantly reminded him of Haley. Brooke, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of Haley. She was different.  
  
She was easy. With a few charming words, he knew that she had fallen hard for him and he found some small comfort in that. Somebody on this earth needed him albeit, not the person he wanted to need him, but someone nonetheless.  
  
That was the important thing.  
  
It was the reason why he couldn't let her go, even though he knew he should've. She wanted something from him that he just couldn't give, not to her. And, she became more frustrated and restless with him and he retaliated, their relationship had moved on from it's happy go lucky stage and into something darker.  
  
But, they couldn't let go of each other.  
  
For him, it was because, he needed someone to need him. And, she was right, he did like the control he had over her. It did make him feel more worthy. All his life, he had been so unsure of himself, despite appearances. He had been put down so many times before and he thought Haley was different.  
  
But, she broke up with him, therefore proving that he wasn't what she wanted.  
  
He wasn't enough.  
  
And, that killed him inside because he had wanted her and he thought of her as more the enough. She was perfection in his eyes and when she smiled at him, he felt like he was worthy.  
  
After he left, it felt like he was just going from one place to another, like a mindless zombie. Then, Brooke showed up and for awhile, he chose to lose himself in her.  
  
It didn't make him happy but it made the pain hurt less.  
  
But, seeing her in New York, it just made him realize what he had become, something so different. Something that she no longer wanted or liked. He was the complete opposite of what he was before.  
  
He was no longer the man that Haley loved.  
  
And, honestly, he didn't know if that man still existed inside him. It seemed all that was inside him was just a desperate gnawing to have everyone around him, drowning in misery.  
  
After all, misery loved company.  
  
When she looked at him so coldly though, it awoke a part of him inside. A part of him that he thought that he had lost. A part of him that made him regret and feel guilt.  
  
Haley had woken up a part of him that he thought was dead. She had made him feel again and he was so desperate to cling to that. It was the truth, after 6 years, he still needed her as much as he did back then.  
  
Maybe, even more.  
  
His eyes strayed over to Brooke's sleeping body and he watched her, breathing peacefully. For once, he didn't want to corrupt it. He saw the tear stains on her cheeks and the bruises he left on her hips. She kept saying that she couldn't take much more of what he was giving to her.  
  
But, that was a lie.  
  
She would stay with him if he wanted her to. All he had to do was the say the word, and she would stay. But, he couldn't do that to her. He didn't love her.  
  
But, he wasn't completely cold inside, he still cared for her. She had grown on him.  
  
So, this time, when she wanted to leave.  
  
He would let her.


	10. Chapter 10

"Chocolate," Caitlin shoved a box of Godiva chocolates in Haley's face as she peered over the side of the cubicle.  
  
Haley raised an eyebrow, "What is this for?"  
  
"Well, you see, I'm not above bribes so I brought you chocolate so you wouldn't be mad at me."  
  
"I'm not mad at you," Haley said with a small smile.  
  
"Well, in that case-"  
  
Haley snatched the box of chocolates out of Caitlin's hands before she could take them away, "Thanks for the chocolates though."  
  
"Yeah, no problem," Caitlin muttered with a pout before she reached over and stole one, "Yum."  
  
"You were right, you know?" Haley said softly as she popped a chocolate into her mouth.  
  
"Uh huh," Caitlin said, smiling happily at the smooth richness of the treat.  
  
Haley shook her head, "You obviously haven't had some Godiva in awhile."  
  
"This stuff is divine," Caitlin cooed happily, "It makes all my problems go away."  
  
"Right," she grinned, "Thanks," Haley said genuinely, looking into her best friend's eyes.  
  
Caitlin smiled back, "Don't worry about it." She moved into the cubicle and plopped down onto Haley's desk, "So, it's Friday. We're fine and single, what are we doing?"  
  
Haley sighed and shrugged, "It feels like we've been out all week. I'd much prefer to stay at the apartment and I don't know, sleep."  
  
Caitlin stared at her in disbelief, "Have you gone insane?"  
  
Haley laughed, "What?"  
  
"Oh my god, you want to stay at home and sleep, on a Friday night?"  
  
"It's new."  
  
"It's boring and sad." Caitlin's eyes narrowed, "Is this because of Nathan?"  
  
Haley looked down at her words, "Kind of but not really. I just need a break from everything."  
  
"You mean you want to go home and mope in the corner of your bedroom?"  
  
"No," Haley defended, "I just don't feel like going out."  
  
"You can't lie to me, you know this right?"  
  
Haley grinned, "Seriously."  
  
Caitlin looked at her unsurely, "So, you're gonna make me go stag? Tht's so sad. You're my best friend! If you're not gonna come wreak havoc with me, what else are you good for?"  
  
Haley scoffed in mock insult, "Excuse you."  
  
"Kidding," Caitlin said with a grin, "Fine. Fine. We'll do nothing tonight but tomorrow, I refuse to stay in."  
  
"Okay, deal."

--  
  
"Will you stop that?"  
  
Caitlin looked up innocently, "Stop what?"  
  
"Tapping your foot against the table," Haley said as she held up her book, "Trying to read here."  
  
Caitlin pouted, "It's Friday! And, we're sitting at home, reading."  
  
"Correction, I'm sitting at home reading, you're just sitting there, having a staring contest with the wall."  
  
Caitlin rolled her eyes, "Come on, I've got to be more interesting then whatever you're reading right now."  
  
"The Awakening," Haley held it up, "It's really good."  
  
"You've already read it?" Caitlin asked, unbelieving.  
  
"Well, yeah," Haley said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Then why are you reading it again?"  
  
"Because it's a good book and it's one of those page turners that reads like the first time, every time," Haley said with a smile.  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow, "You sound like one of those reviews on the book covers," she sighed, "Well, if you've already read it then you can come out with me. I mean, it's not like you're missing anything you don't already know."  
  
"I thought we already went over this."  
  
"We did, and well," Caitlin grinned, "I changed my mind."  
  
"Hey, it's not my problem if you're flaky," Haley joked as she opened her book up again.  
  
"No, no, no," Caitlin said as she tried to snatch the book from Haley's hands, "Look, I really don't feel like digging through my phone book for numbers of people I honestly don't even like, just to find someone to go out with tonight."  
  
"Then don't," Haley said, not taking her eyes off the book, "Just go out, alone, maybe you'll even meet up with a guy. You've got a great personality, babe, you'll be making new friends like that," she snapped her fingers for emphasis.  
  
Caitlin laughed lightly before sighing, "Alright, alright. But, when I get back, you better not be reading still."  
  
"Yes, mother dearest."

--  
  
Caitlin pushed her just spritzed with hairspray hair out of her face as she walked into the bar. It felt so weird, going out without Haley. It just felt like a part of her was missing. Before, every weekend and sometimes even on the weekdays, she and Haley would go over all of New York City, checking out the usual hot spots and getting a taste for the new. She had never gone out without Haley before. This was the first time in 5 years.  
  
And, it didn't feel right.  
  
Caitlin sighed as she fluffed up her crimped hair, her hand travelling down to her neck, the scar from the crimping iron still there from only a half hour before. She never did get along well with any hair styling tool.  
  
Sitting at the bar, she quickly ordered her drink as she sat, facing outward, twiddling with her straw and sipping her fruity cocktail. Biting the inside of her cheek, she silently yelled at Haley for convincing her into coming to the bar, alone. She never was the loner type. She always liked having someone around her, it just made her feel more comfortable.  
  
"Alone?"  
  
Caitlin almost jumped out of her seat in shock as she turned around in her seat, her eyes almost popping out of her head as she saw who it was, "Nathan?"  
  
He smirked as she sat down next to her, "Not with your sidekick, I see."  
  
"Haley wanted to stay in," Caitlin said as she sippped her drink nervously, not knowing what to say. This was great. This was just great.  
  
Damn it, she knew she shouldn't have gone out alone.  
  
"Uh huh," he said, forcing his tone to be uncaring.  
  
"And, what about you? I see you're not sucking face with your model girlfriend."  
  
He raised an eyebrow, "She's at the hotel. I wanted to see New York for myself, alone."  
  
"Where as for the past few days, you've been bothering Haley at her work to lead you around," She shrugged, "Can't seem to make up your mind, I see."  
  
Nathan's eyes narrowed, "Did I do something to piss you off?"  
  
She simply laughed at his question, "Oh, the answers I could give."  
  
"Look, I saw what I thought was a friendly face and so I figured I could keep you company since it was obvious you so desperately wanted some," Nathan said, his tone cold, "But, I'm not in the mood for what you think is witty banter," he started to leave when she stopped him.  
  
"Okay, I'm sorry," Caitlin said with a sigh, "I'll stop."  
  
He sat back down and crossed his arms.  
  
"I know I shouldn't be a bitch to you but from what I've heard of you, I know you're not exactly the nicest guy," she said honestly, "But, you're right. I shouldn't attack you from what I hear, I need to make my own judgment."  
  
His face softened at her words and he gave her a small, thankful smile, "I never did catch your name."  
  
"Caitlin Monroe," she said with an outreached hand.  
  
"Nathan Scott."  
  
She grinned, "Pleasure to meet you."  
  
"I'm sure," he leaned against the bar slightly, "So, this is awkward."  
  
Caitlin laughed at his bluntness, "Yeah, it is but hey, this whole week has been awkward, what's one more day?"  
  
"Haley's been feeling awkward?" Nathan asked, his tone suddenly softer.  
  
"She's been stressed," Caitlin answered honestly, trying her best not to give too much away, "Hence the reason why she's at home right now."  
  
"Yeah," Nathan's voice trailed off as his eyes suddenly glossed over.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, sorry about that. I get kinda-"  
  
"Reminisce-y?" Caitlin offered.  
  
Nathan smiled at her words, "You just get right to it, don't you?"  
  
"It's a special quality in me. I have no tact, I know this."  
  
He shrugged, "I think we all have a little something like that in us."  
  
"Compliment?"  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
Caitlin looked shocked, "Color me surprised."  
  
"Hey, I am capable of compliments." Nathan shook his head at the look she shot him, "Whatever happend to making the judgment for yourself?"  
  
Caitlin grinned, "One thing you need to know about me, I change my mind quite often."  
  
"Really? So, you still think of me as a dick?"  
  
"You're moving up from the dick stage," Caitlin answered honestly, "Right now, you're more in the jerk stage."  
  
"Gee, thanks."  
  
"No prob," Caitlin said laughing, "I've been told I'm great for the ego."  
  
"Yeah, it's a thing called sarcasm."  
  
Her eyes got wide and doe-eyed, "What's that?"  
  
"You're an interesting girl."  
  
"And, you're an interesting guy," Caitlin said as she sipped her drink, never noticing Nathan's eyes resting on her lips.  
  
He knew he shouldn't even be thinking it. He had just broken up with Brooke and trying to rekindle his hopes of chasing Haley once again. Going after Caitlin would be the worst mistake he could make.  
  
But, she was nice. And funny. And beautiful.  
  
She reminded him of Haley but she wasn't Haley. In the long run, she would not even be close to Haley.  
  
He was going to screw up. He knew it.  
  
But, what was one more mistake? He had already made so many.

--  
  
Caitlin laughed loudly at Nathan's comment as she took another sip of her drink, "That's a little on the harsh side."  
  
"Seriously though," Nathan said as he continued criticizing, "Is it really necessary to be wearing that to a bar? I understand that you want attention but really now, that can barely be classified as clothing."  
  
"Isn't that what guys want?"  
  
Nathan smirked, turning on his charm, "Not all guys."  
  
Caitlin paid little attention to his advances and continued to sip her drink.  
  
"Hey, you wanna get out of here?"  
  
She looked up at him, surprised, "What?"  
  
Hearing the tone of her voice, he backed down, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, "I'm getting tired of this atmosphere."  
  
"Yeah, good luck getting away from this in New York." Caitlin stood up and grabbed her purse, motioning for Nathan to follow her outside  
  
Nathan laughed, "Help me."  
  
She gave him a 'come on' look, "Please, like you could convince me you're helpless." She walked down the sidewalk, breating in the cool night air.  
  
"Tourist here," Nathan admired her from the corner of his eye, looking for any sort of encouraging reaction.  
  
She laughed, holding out an accusing finger, "Hey, I've got a reputation to upkeep. I can't be seen hanging out with tourists." She made a move to run but Nathan quickly grabbed hold of her arm. He held onto it longer then he should've and Caitlin soon felt the uncomfortableness of the situation. She looked into his eyes, the first time that night noticing the look he had.  
  
How had she been so oblivious.  
  
"Nathan-"  
  
Before she could start, Nathan backed her up against the side of the outside of the bar, into the corners of darkness, leaning in about to kiss her when she pushed him away.  
  
Hard.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She demanded, outraged at his actions.  
  
"Oh, come on, don't act like you didn't want me to," Nathan said, backing away with a smirk, hiding his feelings at the rejection he had just received.  
  
"What is your problem? God, Haley was right, you are such a-" She stopped herself, "You know what, not even going to waste my breath." She started to walk away before he grabbed her arm again. She pushed him off harshly before she said in a deadly voice, "Touch me again and I'll kick your ass."  
  
Nathan backed a step away, not doubting the seriousness of her words, "I know I shouldn't have done that but I just," he sighed, "Brooke and I broke up and I don't-"  
  
"So, what? Now you want sympathy?"  
  
"No," Nathan said quickly, frustrated with himself, "I'm just confused and- "  
  
"I don't care," Caitlin said flatly. "I'm not your psychiatrist so please, spare me."  
  
"I didn't mean-" he paused, not wanting to make excuses for himself, knowing they would have no affect on her anyway. "I'm sorry."  
  
Caitlin rolled her eyes, "Oh, please, save it. You know, I was the one that kept cheering you on when she was ready to give up on you completely. I was the one that made her call you because I thought that you guys had something. You made Haley smile. You made her really happy."  
  
A small smile crept onto Nathan's face at her words.  
  
"But, you also made her miserable, to the point where she's refusing to go out with her best friend because she's afraid she'll run into you. I've never seen her so happy and so sad, all at the same time."  
  
Nathan looked at her coldly, steeling himself from her words, "You don't even know me. What gives you the right to hold judgment over me?"  
  
"Maybe, I don't. But, she's my best friend and I see why she was so taken with you," Caitlin said honestly before her tone turned harsh, "But, she can also be too trusting. She looks for the good in people, don't take advantage of it." She turned around and began to walk away before she heard Nathan call out to her again.  
  
"Wait, Caitlin," he looked at her, the sadness entering his eyes, his voice genuine, "Please don't tell her."  
  
Her eyes narrowed, "I'm not lying to her."  
  
"I don't-" he sighed, "I don't want to ruin things with her."  
  
"You already did," Caitlin said simply, "Your conversation this afternoon didn't exactly make things peachy." Seeing the hurt look in his eyes, she sighed and shook her head, "Fine, I won't tell her but if she asks specifically, I'm not lying to her."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Don't," Caitlin said in disgust.  
  
Nathan watched as she walked away and he couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. He screwed up. He didn't kiss her and therefore, technically, he did nothing wrong but it was the basic idea. The fact that he even thought it was the deciding factor.  
  
And, for the first time in awhile, he realized how much destruction he was causing. And, how disgusted he was with himself.  
  
What had he become?  
  
An abusive boyfriend. The guy who wanted to get with his ex's best friend for a distraction. The guy who lashed out at the woman he had feelings for just to make himself feel better.  
  
He was selfish. And, arrogant. And, unfeeling. That coldness and numbness inside him, scared him. He didn't want to become like this. He didn't want to become the guy that everyone hated and wanted to see rot in hell.  
  
He didn't want to become his father.  
  
And, yet, there he was, committing acts so like his dear old dad, perhaps even exceeding his father's bastardness.  
  
Nathan looked down at himself sadly, feeling helpless at his loss of control. When had things gotten so confusing and screwed up? He always promised himself when he was younger that he would never become like his dad. He hated the way his father treated people, the way his father would purposely hurt others to mend his own ego.  
  
He had been one of the worst victims of his father's rage and destruction, and here he was, just like him.  
  
He had become what he hated. And, he loathed himself for it.  
  
Balling his hands into a fist, Nathan walked down the streets of New York, never feeling more alone in his life. The desolation in his heart struck him hard and he realized that he didn't want to be this anymore. He realized that he was not going to turn out to be like his father.  
  
There was always time for change, right?  
  
He would change. He would get better. But, he didn't have the strength.  
  
Digging into his pockets, he grabbed the cell phone, dialing in a number he had memorized during the trip, he waited for the person to pick up, never feeling more nervous and weak his entire life. He was so lost.  
  
He needed guidance. He needed help. He needed Haley.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Nathan was silent for a few moments, not knowing how to put his request into words. How could he even call her? After all that he'd done, after all that he'd said, after what he'd become. How could he even have the nerve to call her? He didn't deserve her help.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Her voice was soft and insistent and Nathan found himself uttering slowly, "H-Haley?"  
  
Haley frowned at the voice, "Nathan?"  
  
"H-Hi," he said softly, the pain rising in his throat.  
  
"Why did you call Nathan?" She asked, putting herself on the defensive, "I thought we were done. You made that perfectly clear this afternoon."  
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
With that simple phrase, Haley felt the anger rush out of her. She could hear the pain in his voice and the desperation in his tone. "What?" she whispered, surprised at his request.  
  
"Please. I know I shouldn't even be asking but-"  
  
"Okay," she said quickly, her brain not even processing her response as she stood up, grabbing her jacket from the couch, "Where are you?"  
  
"Near Seven."  
  
"The bar?" Haley asked as she grabbed her keys, "Okay, wait there. I'll be there in 15 minutes."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"It's okay and Nathan?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Haley paused and said softly, "Hold on, okay?"  
  
He nodded mutely before he heard the phone click off. Stuffing it back into his pocket, he began his retreat to the bar, the coldness settling in.

--  
  
Haley rushed around her apartment and within minutes, she was stumbling out the door. She had made sure to leave Caitlin a note before leaving. Nearly running down the stairs, she stopped herself just in time before running into someone.  
  
"Haley?" Caitlin asked, puzzled, "I thought you-"  
  
"I need to go. I'll explain later."  
  
"Oh, god, what happened?"  
  
"Nathan," Haley said hurriedly as she continued down the stairs.  
  
"Haley, wait!" Caitlin called but when Haley turned around, she saw the care and love in her eyes. Stopping herself from saying any further, she whispered, "Take care of yourself."  
  
Haley smiled and nodded before she ran out of the door.  
  
Caitlin stood on the stairs, silent, a chill running through her body.


	11. Chapter 11

Why was she doing this?  
  
That thought kept running through Haley's mind as she leaned against the pole in the subway. She sighed heavily, remembering Nathan's voice on the phone. That was why she was doing it, because he needed her. But, why the hell did she even care anymore? She didn't love him anymore, right? She didn't even like him anymore. He had insulted her only hours before and here she was, running to him when he called for her.  
  
But, he needed her. He really needed her. She could just tell by the sound of his voice and so, she ran to him, because in her heart, it was right. What she was doing, it didn't feel wrong.  
  
It just felt.. she didn't know honestly. Everything was so surreal and Haley felt like she was in a daze. She didn't know what she was doing anymore. All she knew that she had to help Nathan, everything else had just faded off into the background.  
  
She knew she was just setting herself up to being hurt again but right now, she could care less.  
  
She knew that by rational terms, she shouldn't even be on this train. She should've hung up on Nathan and continued to read her book but she couldn't do something like that. Because, she wasn't rational at the moment and because she let her emotions take over. The last time that happened, she wound up with a broken heart and a fear of relationships... and it continued on, for 6 years straight and still continuing.  
  
So, why the hell was she going to him? She didn't know and maybe that was a question that didn't need answering. The simple fact was she was on the train and she had already told him that she was going, there was no point in questioning it further because she would only end up confusing herself more and more.  
  
Confusion was the last thing she needed right now.  
  
Pushing away the past, thoughts of a future, and even parts of her present life, Haley walked off the train when it slowed to a stop and followed the crowd up the stairs.  
  
She always felt like she had no identity among the crowd. There were so many people, rushing to and fro, not caring about anybody else except themselves. She ran up the stairs, her heels making a click with the pavement. A steady, rhythmic click.  
  
Looking around the train station for the nearest exit, she hurried to the nearest revolving door and out onto the street, the cool night air greeting her senses. She felt so much more.. relaxed and herself.  
  
Walking towards Seven, she tightened her jacket further around her frame as she took hurried steps. Seeing the familiar sign flashing only a block ahead, Haley could feel the nervousness rise up inside her and she fought the urge to let it slip over.  
  
She could not become a nervous wreck, not now. Nathan needed her, she needed to be strong for him.  
  
Haley stopped in her steps, the familiarity of the whole situation finally hitting her. Here she was, running to him, being strong for him, just like she did back in high school when they were still together. Except now, she had no responsibility or any connection that called for it.  
  
They weren't friends. They didn't know each other anymore. Hell, they didn't even like each other.  
  
But, there she was, still walking to him, still offering herself as his support. Why?  
  
Why would she do something like that? She knew the answer, but it was one that made no sense and just couldn't possibly be true because... she wouldn't let it.  
  
She did not still love Nathan.

--  
  
Caitlin looked back up at the clock on the wall for the fifth time in a minute. She watched the second hand move steadily around the clock, momentarily hypnotized. Snapping herself out of it, she sighed in heavy worry. Why didn't she stop Haley?  
  
She knew she should've. After all, Haley was running off to a guy who only 15 minutes before, tried to kiss her and make a move with her. That was just.. wrong. And, Caitlin sure as hell did not want Haley developing feelings for someone who did something like that.  
  
But, she couldn't control Haley. Haley's life was her own and she had no say in the choices her best friend made, she had no right over her like that. If Caitlin had said anything, would Haley even listen? Judging by the way Haley rushed down the stairs, the answer would be a clear cut 'no'. It was obvious that Haley still cared for Nathan, why else would she go out of her way so quickly to help him?  
  
It was almost ironic. Haley didn't want to go out with her because she wanted to avoid Nathan yet one phone call from him, she was bounding out the door, rushing to his side. It should've worried her that he had such a hold over Haley.  
  
But, it didn't.  
  
She didn't trust him. Haley did. And, she trusted Haley. She trusted that Haley was capable of making her own decisions. While they may not be right in her own opinion, they were right in Haley's mind. That was the important thing.  
  
Grabbing the remote, Caitlin turned on the TV for distraction, her mind calming down at the noise. She had to stop thinking about this, she was going to go nuts with analyzing and predicting.

--  
  
Nathan watched with dull eyes as Haley ran up to him, her voice tinted with worry. He did that. He made her worry. While before, that would've brought him small comfort in making her feel something for him, now, he simply stared at her numbly.  
  
His mind was still unable to wrap itself around the fact that he had become so much like his father. The realization had shocked him into silence and for the past 15 minutes, he had been staring at the same exact crack on the sidewalk, waiting for someone to ask him how he was or if he was okay.  
  
No one did. No one bothered to care about him. No one except Haley.  
  
"Nathan," she called out, slightly out of breath, "Oh, god, are you okay?"  
  
He looked at her, his eyes filled with pain as he shrugged, "I don't know anymore."  
  
"What happened to you?" She looked around, "Where's Brooke?" Haley didn't even think about Brooke until that moment. After all, why didn't he call his girlfriend before he called her?  
  
"We broke up."  
  
That was why. Nodding, Haley took a step closer to him and reached out, almost fearful. She pushed it away, forcing herself to be stronger, "What's going on?"  
  
He looked up at her, swallowing the lump in his throat, "Do you hate me?"  
  
Haley frowned at his question, "What?"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
She shook her head slowly, "I don't." She wasn't lying. She didn't hate him. She could never truly hate him.  
  
"But, you hate what I've become."  
  
"Nathan-" Haley stopped herself before she held onto his arm, "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Don't you?" Nathan demanded, his voice stronger, "You hate who I am now."  
  
"Nathan, I don't hate you," Haley said softly, confused at his actions.  
  
"I'm just like him," he continued on, "I make others hurt. I inflict pain just for my own amusement, to make myself feel better." His face was one of self-contempt, "I hate what I've become."  
  
Realizing what he meant, Haley stared at him in shock. Was that why he was so upset? Because he thought he was becoming Dan? It wouldn't have surprised her. During their relationship, Dan had always made Nathan's life miserable and he vowed never to turn out like his father. That was the one thing that could push him over the edge.  
  
Becoming something that he spent years hating.  
  
Haley took another step closer to him and held his cheek in the palm of her hand, raising his head, "You're not like him. You're not a bad person."  
  
He laughed bitterly, "You don't know what I've done, Haley."  
  
"No matter what you do, you will never be like him because you are so much better. You didn't give up and you don't run away."  
  
Nathan shook his head, his lips in a tight line, "You don't know what you're talking about."  
  
Haley looked at him intensely, "I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it." She stared into his eyes, "Look at me." When he wouldn't, she raised his head and forced him to look into her gaze. "I'm here, okay?" She paused, "Even after today and what happened before, I'm still here. No matter how much I try to hate you and try to push you away, I can't. I'm here because I want to be. I don't have any reason to feel like I have to be here. I came here out of my own free will and that's because I don't hate you and because you're not a bad person. You're not Dan." Haley whispered her last words, "I still believe in you."  
  
Nathan glanced down at the floor, feeling as if someone had put his heart through a strainer. He asked hoarsely, "Why?"  
  
Haley backed away slightly, the intimate feel of the whole situation suddenly revelead to her. She felt the spotlight suddenly shine on her. This wasn't about her. This was about Nathan. "Because, I knew who you were before and I still see a part of him inside you. I won't let you give up."  
  
A small smile appeared onto Nathan's face at her words and he looked at her with sad eyes, "Thank you."  
  
She smiled back, silently glad that he actually listened to her.  
  
"But, that's not what I meant." Nathan looked at her seriously, waiting silently for a reaction.  
  
It was Haley's turn to look down.  
  
"I know."

--  
  
Silence.  
  
It enveloped the two like a cold and suffocating blanket. She shouldn't be here, Haley knew that. She knew that coming here would risk things becoming more intimate. Hell, she practically opened the door inside herself and welcomed Nathan inside again when it was the last thing she wanted.  
  
She kept telling herself that she did not still have feelings for him nor want to have feelings for him and yet here she was, standing in front of him, helping him when he needed her. She was more then being contradicting at the moment, no, that would be the understatement of the year.  
  
Sighing sadly, Haley bit her lip, knowing Nathan was expecting some sort of answer. But, didn't he get it? She couldn't even give him an answer because she didn't even know it herself. What was she supposed to say? Nathan, I still love you? Nathan, you still make my heart beat faster then it ever has with a single glance?  
  
Please, this was not some stupid fairy tale story. This was her life. This was reality. She was not a storybook character that knew exactly what to say or do at every turn of the page. She didn't know what the hell she was doing and if she was even making the right choice, if there was even one in the beginning.  
  
She didn't want to mess up but who decided right and wrong? Certainly not her and suddenly, Haley wished Caitlin was by her side. She would tell her what to do. She would help her clear her mind.  
  
But, Caitlin wasn't there. Caitlin was at home and she, Haley James, was standing in front of Nathan Scott, her one true love that she had back in high school and all her life. She couldn't mess this up because if she did, that would defeat the purpose of it all. The last 6 years and their breakup would've been utterly pointless.  
  
She broke up with Nathan because she didn't want things to get worse. She didn't want to end their relationship badly. She wanted to remember him with a smile, not a frown. And, yet, here she was, at the same crossroads she was 6 years ago, still utterly clueless.  
  
Weren't things supposed to get easier after the breakup and after you get older? Weren't you supposed to learn things and become more wise? Wasn't she supposed to know exactly what to do right now?  
  
Because she sure as hell didn't.  
  
Haley looked up at him, a chill settling over her body as she stared into his eyes. He still looked at her the same way, that same intense and wanting stare. He wasn't supposed to look at her that way. This was not how things were supposed to be.  
  
She was not supposed to meet him again in New York, repeatedly. She was not supposed to consider actually being friends with him and being amiable to him to 'move on'. She was not supposed to crack down and run to his side to be his support.  
  
She was not supposed to do a lot of things. And, yet, there she was.  
  
In the moment, not knowing what else to do except stand there, frozen still, staring into his eyes, wishing that he would make a move even though she was the one that was supposed to. But, she couldn't.  
  
She was scared, confused, and weak. A terrible combination, especially if it hit you all at once. Haley resisted the urge to run away as she steadied herself, keeping her eyes on him, quiet.  
  
"Say something," Nathan whispered, keeping his eyes focused on her.  
  
"What do you want me to say?" Haley asked, her eyes drifting elsewhere.  
  
"Something," he stressed, knowing she understood what he meant.  
  
She couldn't let him know that though. She wasn't ready to admit it to herself, much less him. "I am saying something."  
  
She was purposely being difficult, Nathan knew. This was how she got when she didn't want to do something, he knew her all to well. Sighing, Nathan shook his head and began to walk away slowly, "Okay, then don't." His eyes darkened as the softness in his face faded away, "I need to leave."  
  
"Don't," Haley said before she could stop herself. Wait, wasn't she supposed to want him to leave? If he did, things would be so much easier. But, that was it. Things weren't supposed to be easier. Just because they got a few things clear and 'talked' didn't mean things would automatically be easier. It did not mean that they would jump into each other's arms, professing their love for each other.  
  
If anything, it only made things more complicated.  
  
"Why should I stay?" Nathan asked flatly.  
  
Haley looked at him with pained eyes, silently cursing herself for making him revert to being so cold. He was shutting down and Haley could see it happen, step by step. She couldn't let him go back to that, back to that dark place in which he hated himself and everyone else around him. She had to help him, after all, that was why she was here. "Because I need you to stay," she said softly, the words surprising even her as they came out of her mouth.  
  
She gave a little bit of herself away. To him.  
  
Nathan's eyes lit up in shock as he studied her, wondering what made her change so suddenly before he shrugged it off. He was finally getting somewhere with her, this was an improvement. The only problem was, he didn't know where to go from here or if they even had anywhere left to go.  
  
Maybe this was the end. Maybe this was how things were supposed to be with them. Awkward, mysterious, and uncertain.  
  
He simply nodded, not wanting to force her into any more revealing statements.  
  
"Are you still staying at the hotel?"  
  
Nathan sighed heavily and shook his head, "I can't go back there. I can't go anywhere else in this city either."  
  
"What about your uncle?"  
  
Nathan laughed bitterly, "Yeah, I can really see that happening."  
  
Haley bit the inside of her cheek, knowing the only option left.  
  
He raised an eyebrow before he said harshly, "I don't need your pity, you know."  
  
She looked up, surprised before she nodded numbly, "I know, which is why I'm not giving it."  
  
Nathan softened for a moment before he ran his hand through his hair, "I'm sorry. God, I know I'm being an ass right now, but I just-"  
  
"You don't have to explain to me, Nathan."  
  
"I know," he answered honestly, looking at her in appreciation, "But, you deserve one."  
  
She smiled at him before saying, "You're free to stay with me and Caitlin until you find a hotel."  
  
"It should only be for tonight," Nathan said quietly before he looked down at the sidewalk, waiting for her response.  
  
"As long as you need," Haley reassured as she walked in the direction of the subway, making sure Nathan followed before she went any faster.

--  
  
The room was empty.  
  
Brooke could feel it as she awoke, her eyes desperately wanting to stay closed as she pushed the covers off of herself, sitting up in the bed. She yawned as she looked at the clock, not surprised to find it was late at night and that she was alone in the hotel room.  
  
Again.  
  
Brooke's hand lingered on Nathan's side of the bed as she looked around the room. He had left again but something about this time felt different. It felt final.  
  
And, while she should've been relieved, she didn't. She felt a pang in her heart, feeling as if she had been ripped apart from inside out. She was the one that broke up with him, why should she be feeling like this? She shouldn't, she should've been happy. Perhaps even outside partying instead staying at her confiing hotel room, mulling around in the darkness.  
  
But, there she was. Alone. In the dark. Confused and heartbroken.  
  
Brooke put the palm of her hand by her eyes as she tried her best to stop her tears from coming. She would not cry over this. She refused to because he wasn't worth it and because she should not be crying in the first place. Hello! She was the breaker-upper, not the victim.  
  
But, it sure didn't feel that way. Even though she was the one that broke up with Nathan, it felt that he was the one that did it. And, that irked her nerves. Not only was she still in love with him but even when she broke up with him, it felt like it was the other way around.  
  
It was just one more piece of proof how much he dominated their relationship and how big of a hold he had over her. And, it disturbed her inside because she was Brooke Davis. No man should've ever had any control over her. But, those Scott men. They were different.  
  
With them, she gladly gave up the control over herself which was the dumbest thing she could've done. But, she was young and naive, she would've given up anything for love, as stupid as it sounded.  
  
At least she admitted it to herself.  
  
Brooke sighed before she rolled off the bed, yawning as she walked into the bathroom. Turning on the light, she shiedled her eyes from the light, not liking the intensity and sharpness of the bright light. Washing her face quickly, she wiped the drops of water away, her eyes staring at herself in the mirror.  
  
She looked so... unhappy. The dark eye circles, the sagging of her cheeks, the frown on her face, the wrinkles beginning to form by her eyes.  
  
She was so lifeless. She wasn't like this. She was Brooke Davis, tigger as Haley used to call her. She was the peppy cheerleader type, not the depressed, thrown aside girlfriend.  
  
This was who she was now. And, she didn't like it. She missed who she was before. She missed having fun and going wild.  
  
She missed being happy.  
  
Brooke wiped the last traces off her face, her eyes taking on a determined look. She was going to fix this. She was always the 'it' girl. The one that everyone was jealous of and wanted to be.  
  
Never once had she been the sad and unhappy girl.  
  
Even after the betrayal of her boyfriend and her best friend, she didn't not breakdown and become all sappy and whiny. She got revenge and became stronger in the end.  
  
She was Brooke Davis, no jerk was going to take her down, not again. She refused to let him break her any more. With a nod of resignation, Brooke walked out of the bathroom, feeling more confident and refreshed.  
  
But, was it temporary?


	12. Chapter 12

They didn't speak.  
  
Not during the walk to the subway, during the ride on the train, or as they walked back to Haley's apartment. It wasn't until they began walking up the stairs that Haley finally spoke up, "I live with Caitlin and well, I'm not sure if she's going to be very comfortable with this but if she says anything, don't mind her, okay?"  
  
Nathan looked at her curiously, his mind trying to decipher the possibility of a hidden meaning... did she know? Caitlin had said she wouldn't tell and if she had told Haley, she probably wouldn't have come running to his aide but then again, it was Haley. She probably would've come running to help him even if he did 10 times worse what he had done to her.  
  
That worried him. She was almost like Brooke in this aspect, no matter what, she was always there. And, on some level, that was a good thing but it was also bad in that he seemed to like to take advantage of that. He couldn't help himself. It was just a mechanism inside of him.  
  
Nodding, he walked up the stairs and watched as Haley opened the door, her hands shaking visibly. He looked at her and felt a slight pang in his heart as she could barely even put the key through the lock. "Let me," he whispered before he put his hand over hers.  
  
She drew her hand back quickly, surprised at the contact before she shakily handed him the keys, then proceeded to back herself into the wall behind her. He touched her. And, it scared her.  
  
A simple touch on the hand and she had jumped back. It wasn't as if this was the first time they had touched in the past few days, only a half hour before did she hold his cheek in her hands so why was that touch any different?  
  
Because he initiated it.  
  
Haley took a deep breath before she followed Nathan inside, trying her best to sooth her senses. She could get through this. She had to.  
  
"Hey, oh, I was so worr-" Caitlin's voice died in her throat as she came out of the living room and into the hallway. She crossed her arms defensively before she looked over Nathan's shoulder at Haley, asking, "Why is he here?"  
  
"He had no where else to go," Haley said softly before she kicked off her shoes, walking into the living room.  
  
Caitlin turned around and looked at Haley expectantly, "Yeah, so?"  
  
"I invited him to stay with us."  
  
Caitlin scoffed before she turned around at Nathan, sending him a sharp glare, "And, he just so readily accepted?"  
  
Nathan looked at her uncomfortably, knowing she had every bit of right to speak to him in that fashion but the instinctive male part of him wanted to lash out. He surpressed it though, not only for his sake but for Haley's as well.  
  
"Caitlin, please," Haley said tiredly, not even bothering to question Caitlin's sudden extreme dislike for him. "Let's just go to sleep."  
  
"Whatever," she muttered before she sighed and walked into her bedroom, grabbing a pillow and some blankets out of her closet. She walked into the living room, eyeing Haley worriedly before she looked straight at Nathan, her tone flat, "Pillow, blanket, couch. Knock yourself out." She leaned in and kissed Haley on the forehead, "Night, babe."  
  
"Night," Haley said as she held a hand to her head, finally looking up at Nathan when Caitlin closed her door. She sighed, "She's usually nicer."  
  
"Right," Nathan replied before he sat down on the couch next to Haley, "Maybe, I should leave."  
  
"Don't," Haley said with a small smile, "She'll deal. Besides, she's in bed already." She looked at him with tired eyes, "So, you're going to sleep in your suit?"  
  
"No other choice, is there?" Nathan asked simply.  
  
Haley nodded quickly before she stood up, "I think I may have something."  
  
"Uhh, Haley, I doubt I'll fit in anything you have," Nathan called out to her as she walked into her room.  
  
Moments later, she returned, a shirt and a pair of sweatpants in her hands. The size of them were larger then something she could ever wear and as soon as Nathan laid his eyes on them, he knew what they were.  
  
Confusion tinted his pretty blue eyes as the words slipped from his lips, "How did you-"  
  
Before he could ask what she knew he was going to ask, Haley sighed and interrupted him, "I'm a pack rat. I kinda keep everything."  
  
"But, this is from," he took the clothes out of her hands, still staring at her in shock, "High school, six years ago." A small reminiscing smile appeared on his face as he shook the clothes out, "The beach," he whispered as a familiar quote ran across his mind. "There is a luxury in self- reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel that no one else had a right to blame us."  
  
Haley looked at him surprised as she finished the quote, "It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution." She smiled, "You still remember."  
  
He shrugged, "The way you taught it, it's kind of hard not to remember it. Clear blue skies, gorgeous view of the water and all you wanted to do was study for English."  
  
"I wanted to make sure you understood it," Haley said, laughing, "I was your tutor after all."  
  
He looked at her with wanting eyes and smiled at her, "Yeah, you were."  
  
They stood there, staring at each other, both caught up in the memories of the past before Haley cleared her throat and looked down, "So, umm, I'll let you get changed and yeah-"  
  
"Haley, wait," Nathan stared at her intensely and found himself reaching out for her, both emotionally and physically.  
  
Haley looked away sadly and tried her best to smile bravely, "Let's not start this again, okay, Nathan? We're both tired and we should just.. sleep now," she said with fake confidence, "The clothes are clean so don't worry about that. My room is the one on the left, knock if you need anything. Good night."  
  
Nathan watched as she walked away, surpressing the feelings of deja vu.  
  
She was always the one that walked away.

--  
  
The rays of sunshine streamed through the blinds and crept up Nathan's back and onto his face. He swatted at the light for a few seconds before groaning, cursing morning for arriving so quickly. Opening his eyes, he turned his body around so that the sun no longer shined in his eyes. But, he couldn't fall asleep again. Once he was awake, he was awake, it was as simple as that. Sighing in frustration, Nathan sat up on the couch and leaned against the cushions, his eyes travelling around the living room.  
  
No one else was awake yet and the apartment was strangely silent with the exception of the street noise from the city below. Should he get up and wake Haley? Probably, since he was hungry and prodding around her kitchen was just rude.  
  
He looked at the table sadly, remembering a time when she wouldn't have minded that at all. Things were different now, she made that perfectly clear before and it was obvious that she wanted them different. Besides, it was better that way.  
  
The past should stay in the past. The present as it is. The two should not collide, it was the way Haley wanted it. But, it wasn't the way he wanted it.  
  
He couldn't fix that though. Right now, he didn't know left from right and the last thing he needed was to screw up whatever was left in he and Haley's relationship. Getting up off the couch, he opened a closed door into what he assumed was the bathroom.  
  
He was wrong.  
  
"What the hell?" Caitlin demanded as she grabbed a shirt, quickly covering up her exposed chest, "You don't know how to knock?"  
  
"Sorry," he apologized quickly as he shut the door, "I thought it was the bathroom."  
  
"Second door on the right," he heard her mutter as he walked away from her door and into the bathroom.  
  
Nathan splashed some water on himself, cursing his luck and karma. It made sense though, he deserved to rot in hell for all the things he had done so a little bad luck shouldn't have been surprising but still, a part of him hated that the one person who had any serious connection to Haley hated him.  
  
It was his fault though.  
  
But, he wasn't thinking straight when he did that, he was just... confused and lost. That was no excuse, he knew but it was the truth. After brushing his teeth with the toothbrush Haley left out for him, he washed his face again before opening the door and walking into the hallway, bumping right into Caitlin.  
  
She sighed before rolling her eyes, "Seems like it's my lucky day."  
  
"I'm sorry," he said apologetically, following her into the kitchen. Sitting on the stool, he watched as she purposefully ignored him, making her way around the kitchen, looking as if she were busy doing something though it was obvious it was all for show. She didn't know what she was doing.  
  
"Will you stop that?"  
  
"Stop what?"  
  
"Staring at me," she said aggravated, "It's annoying and creepy."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "Yeah, okay. Look, is there something you need or are you just going to sit there, mentally critiquing my cooking skills?"  
  
"You look like you need some help."  
  
"Gee, thanks for noticing."  
  
"It's people like you who give sarcasm a bad name," Nathan said as he got off the stool and grabbed the carton of eggs from her hands, "Let me."  
  
"My knight in shining armor," Caitlin said in a falsetto as she sat on the stool. There was a few moments of silence before she said, "I didn't tell her."  
  
"Thank you," Nathan said quietly as he made eggs.  
  
"But, I will, if you try anything."  
  
He looked at her surprised, his eyes questioning.  
  
"You know as well as I do that you don't deserve her. She's at a new job and she's got enough stress. She doesn't need to deal with your issues too. I get that you've got that whole past love vibe going for you but you hurt her before and I know you're going to hurt her again."  
  
Nathan stared at the wall beyond Caitlin with hard eyes, knowing the truth in her words. He deserved this because everything that she had said was true, except he never expected to hear them from her mouth. All the harsh facts about his relationship with Haley was revealed in a few sentences. He knew this already, it was just, nobody ever had the nerve to tell him. And, it killed a part of him inside.  
  
Steeling himself, his voice turned cold, "I don't need you threatening me with empty words."  
  
"They're not empty buddy," she threw back, "And, they're not threats. They're promises. Haley is my best friend and I love her, I will not let her get hurt by you again."  
  
"You don't know me," he said angrily.  
  
"Hell, I don't want to know you."  
  
He raised an eyebrow and smirked, "What if she doesn't want you to protect her from me?"  
  
"She doesn't want you," Caitlin spat, knowing she was going too far in her words. She shouldn't have gotten this involved but she refused to let this jerk stomp all over her best friend like he had for the past few days.  
  
"I think that's her decision, not yours," Nathan said with a cocky grin before his eyes lightened, and his expression turned innocent, "Haley."  
  
Caitlin turned around quickly, afraid that Haley had heard more then she should've.  
  
Haley simply smiled obliviously as she sat on a stool next to Caitlin, "Oooh, this smells delish."  
  
"Your favorite," Nathan said smoothly as he threw a smirk at Caitlin.  
  
The brunette fumed inwardly before she faked another smile, saying in a sickenly sweet voice, "Yeah, Nathan's just the best."  
  
Haley raised an eyebrow at the two's behavior before chalking it up to morning grumpiness. She sighed as she grabbed some orange juice from the fridge, pouring herself a glass. Taking a big gulp, she tried her best to ignore the obvious tension and staring war between the two others in the room.  
  
They were keeping something from her.

--  
  
She couldn't take it any longer. He was making her sick.  
  
Caitlin slid off her stool and flashed a quick smile at Haley, "I need to go out."  
  
"Out where?" Haley asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.  
  
"Work," Caitlin said as she walked into her bedroom, saying the first thing that came to mind.  
  
"It's Saturday," Haley protested, following her into her bedroom  
  
"Yeah, well, Mr. Flinn's an ass," she threw on an outfit and Haley watched her carefully as she put on her makeup.  
  
"Okay, now that Nathan can't hear us, you wanna tell me the real reason why you're so eager to avoid him?" Haley asked, crossing her arms.  
  
"I don't like him," Caitlin said simply before she smacked her lips together, evening out the application of lip stick, "And, I'm fine with letting him stay here but that doesn't mean I have to like it or be here when he is."  
  
"Caitlin, don't do this," Haley said with a heavy sigh, sending her a look of regret. "I know it was wrong of me to just throw this on you but he had nowhere else to go."  
  
Caitlin scoffed before shaking her head, "Nowhere else to go? We're in New York, for god's sakes, Haley. Open your eyes, he's loaded, he could get a hotel room if he really wanted to. And, doesn't he have an uncle who owns about 3 apartments, just uptown?"  
  
Haley looked down at her feet, biting her lip, knowing that Caitlin was telling the truth. "You should've seen him, Caitlin, he was so lost and broken. I couldn't leave him alone."  
  
"It's been 6 years, Haley. Things have changed," Caitlin said honestly, "You can't help him anymore. He is who he is."  
  
"You don't know that," Haley argued, "Yes, I know he can be a jerk but that's just on the surface. He's a good guy."  
  
Caitlin scoffed, "You know, what? This is pointless. You're one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. You think you can help him without falling for him again, go right ahead." She began to walk out of her room when Haley stopped her.  
  
"Don't leave like this," she protested, "I know you're frustrated but-"  
  
"I'm not just frustrated, Haley," Caitlin said, looking at her with serious eyes, "I'm worried about you. In all the time that I've known you, you were Miss Independent, never sparing a look at guys and then, he shows up and suddenly, you do a complete 180. What am I supposed to think? Please, tell me," she demanded.  
  
Haley remained quiet, letting Caitlin's words sink in.  
  
"I know I have no right over what you do and I probably shouldn't even be saying this to you but I don't want to see you hurt. I remember when you used to cry at night, thinking I didn't hear you and that killed a part of me because there was nothing I could do to stop it. Now," Caitlin looked away sadly, "I don't think there's anything I could do either but I'm still trying."  
  
"Caitlin, I'm-" Haley paused, not knowing how to continue. "I won't get hurt."  
  
Caitlin shook her head and looked at her seriously, "Yes, you will." Turning around, she walked out of her room, leaving Haley inside to think over their conversation. Grabbing her keys off the table, Caitlin walked out the door, never even noticing Nathan's presence.  
  
It was a few minutes later before Haley finally came out of Caitlin's bedroom, a bit shell shocked from the conversation that they had just had. Caitlin had always been reserved, objective, and she always kept her opinions that she knew would influence Haley to herself. She was the type of person that was supportive but not overly so and that's what Haley loved about her. Today was the only day Haley had ever saw her slip like that, and it was then that Haley knew that Caitlin was serious about all of this. She really was worried. Worried to the point where she was losing a bit of her self restraint, something Haley thought was iron clad.  
  
Caitlin's words shot through her body sharply and Haley felt a stabbing pain in her heart, the confusion settling over her heavily. She wanted to help Nathan, she really did. After seeing him like that last night, she couldn't just walk away even though she should've. Caitlin was right, by helping Nathan, she would have to open a part of herself that she hadn't dared touch for over 6 years and in the process of this, she was making herself vulnerable.  
  
Who was to say that Nathan wouldn't take advantage of that? She knew that if he had to, he would still lash out, it was a defense mechanism of his. He didn't like to be thought of as weak and so Haley had to be extra careful when stepping around him.  
  
She was the one who was picking up the pieces. It wasn't her responsibility. She understood why Caitlin was so bewildered by her actions. After all, 6 years of not talking to each other and then bam, after 2 days, she was running back to Nathan, willing to help him with whatever he needed.  
  
That just didn't seem right. She knew how it was like, always being there for someone you barely even knew. Hell, she'd been through the exact same situation in high school when she first met Nathan. She had been his tutor as well as someone to just listen, in her own words, she was 'whatever he needed'. And, now, it was exactly the same.  
  
Except, she was older. And, she already knew how this whole thing was going to turn out. In the place of Lucas, was Caitlin, the best friend who was there to warn her of all the risks. And, again, she wouldn't listen because she was Haley James. She had a mind of her own and she made her own choices.  
  
And, also, because it was Nathan. Because he still held a special place in her heart. This was going to be a repeat of what happened in high school, Haley could feel it in the pit of her stomach. If she wanted to run, now was the time to do it.  
  
But, she didn't. She walked up to Nathan, giving him a weak smile before sitting on the stool next to him.  
  
Some things never changed.


	13. Chapter 13

Nathan stared at her silently. He had heard bits and pieces of the whispered conversation Caitlin and Haley had in the other room. After seeing Caitlin storm out of the room without so much as a second glance backwards towards Haley or towards him, he assumed that number one, it was about him, and number two, the ending was not good.  
  
He had been tempted to get up and go into Caitlin's room to check on Haley but opted to stay seated. This was a fight between two best friends and it was better not to get involved. He had learned the hard way with that earlier on in his high school career. He knew why Caitlin hated him so much and she had every right to but he couldn't help but goad her. She just ignited something in him, something that just made him want to piss her off.  
  
He got a kick out of making her mad, even though he shouldn't have. He tried to kiss her, made her promise not to tell her best friend and then proceeded to beg for said best friend's help. It was a wonder that Caitlin didn't drop kick him out of the apartment. He admired her for her strength though he could see it was waning quickly.  
  
He wasn't exactly helping much but there was nothing he could do. Sighing, he watched as Haley walked out of the bedroom, her eyes misty and her face one of shock. Something happened and this something, probably wasn't good. However, her demeanor changed when she came and sat next to him. Her posture took on one of comforting and it worried him a bit. She was the one that had just gone through a heavy emotional fight with her best friend and she wanted to comfort him?  
  
That was Haley for you.  
  
Giving her a small smile, he ignored the familiarity of the situation and asked quietly, "Are you okay?"  
  
She shrugged it off and tried her best to smile, "I'll be fine."  
  
He wasn't convinced. She was trying to be brave again. He knew that she wasnt completely comfortable around him yet, though she was quickly settling in. Then again, Haley never did let her guard down completely. It was like through their whole relationship, she was still scared that on some level, he was still the old Nathan, ready to hurt her at any moment.  
  
That used to bother him and it still did but not as much. Now, he had no right to be bothered by it. She had no reason to trust him, even with the basic information that she knew. If she knew everything... Nathan sighed heavily. He didn't even want to think about it.  
  
"You don't have to lie to me," he said as he looked at her, studying her.  
  
"What do you want this to be, Nathan?" She asked suddenly, turning to him with questioning eyes, "What do you want from me?" She asked softly, her tone gentle.  
  
He looked at her intensely before saying quietly, "Maybe you should be asking yourself that question."  
  
She looked at him, surprised, "What?"  
  
"What do you want this to be, Haley?" He repeated her earlier question, "What can this possibly turn out to be?"  
  
She shrugged, "Maybe it'll turn out like the movies. Messy breakup, I comfort you when you need aide and then we'll fall in love all over again." There was a tone of humor in her voice though a part of her was still serious.  
  
"Yeah, right," he said, unbelieving, "Because things always happens like they do in the movies."  
  
"Yeah," she said softly before she slid off the stool, "Any plans for today?"  
  
"Not really," he answered honestly, "I want to pick up my stuff from the hotel though. Can't exactly wear the same thing over and over again."  
  
"Right," Haley nodded, "The hotel."

--  
  
"What if she's there?" Haley asked softly as they sat next to each other in the cab, each on the far side of the seat.  
  
Nathan looked out the window, his eyes numb and cold, "Then, she'll be there."  
  
It was so odd, the way he was acting. One minute, he was a helpless and lost little boy and the next, he was back to his cold and distant. Haley couldn't figure him out and she looked at him intently, trying to piece together which side of him was represented now. She sighed heavily and asked, "Should I go up with you?"  
  
"If you want."  
  
Haley continued to look at him puzzled before she closed her eyes tiredly. This was too much on her. She tried to be strong for him, tried to help him, maybe even save that small part of the old Nathan that she knew still lied deep within the icy exterior. She didn't want him to crumble into nothing, perhaps truly become Dan, just like he feared. But, it was so hard. It was so hard to stare at him, look into his eyes and find absolutely nothing.  
  
Yesterday, she had revealed a part of herself to him and today, she had done so even more but he rejected it. It almost seemed like he gave up or something pushed him over the edge of reality. But, nothing happened. Nothing she did at least.  
  
She didn't understand him.  
  
The cab slowed to a stop and Nathan handed him a few bills before getting out of the vehicle. He walked briskly into the lobby, followed by Haley. In the elevator ride up, he never looked her in the eye, he merely stared forth, his eyes focused on the doors.  
  
Haley watched him, utterly confused. When he opened the door to the room, she stood outside, feeling as if she would be entering somewhere forbidden, somewhere dark. Somewhere she just didn't want to go. This hotel room was a representation of everything dark in Nathan before and now. She did not want to travel into it. She wanted to help him but she just wasn't ready to face a few certain facts about him yet.  
  
He looked back at her and nodded, "Come in."  
  
"Nathan?" Brooke asked as she crawled off the bed, still dressed in her pajamas. "Haley?" Her eyes narrowed, "Guess it didn't take you too long to move on," she bit out, "He's all yours. Then again, maybe he always has been."  
  
Haley stood by awkwardly as she waved hi to Brooke, trying her best not to react to the model's words.  
  
"Nothing to say? What is this? Just a quick, pick up and run?" Brooke demanded as she walked up close to Nathan, "Is it? I know we're over and all but you could at least have the common decency to speak to me when spoken to. I was worried as hell, Nathan. Just because you break off a relationship doesn't mean you break off all the emotions. You could've called," she said angrily, not even caring Haley was there at the moment.  
  
"Don't do this, Brooke," Nathan said tiredly as he turned his eyes onto her figure.  
  
"Why? Because it's not conveinient for you? Because it makes you look bad in front of your beloved Haley?" Brooke shook her head bitterly, "I don't care anymore. I've had enough of you and your bullshit."  
  
"Well, you don't have to put up with me and my bullshit anymore. It's over, remember?"  
  
Brooke stared at him in disbelief, "You don't respect me at all, do you?"  
  
"What?" He asked, his voice slightly frustrated.  
  
"Here I am, pouring my heart out to you, again. And, all you can do is inch towards the door, so eager to leave. So eager to just forget about me, huh?" Brooke asked sadly, "God, you make me sick."  
  
Haley watched the two with careful eyes, her attentive nature capturing every detail and analyzing every movement. She shouldn't even be here, she knew. She should've just backed away but she couldn't find a way to make her feet move. She simply stood there, watching the two exchange back and forth.  
  
"I should go."  
  
"Nathan, wait," Brooke said desperately, slowly breaking down, "I'm so confused and I don't know what I'm doing. If you leave then," she stopped herself, mentally berating herself. She wanted Nathan to leave. She wanted to be happy again and she wanted to be stronger. But, it was so hard. They were supposed to be over, but she couldn't make her heart accept it. Not when it felt like it was being stabbed into pieces right before her.  
  
"I should go," Nathan repeated, not looking at the crying brunette.  
  
Haley watched with teary eyes as Nathan closed the door on his ex- girlfriend who was now sobbing, clutching at her chest. She wanted to help her but it wasn't her place. Her hands lingered on the door knob as she watched Nathan walk towards the elevator, suitcases in hand. She sighed heavily before following him quietly, her mind whizzing with thoughts and analysis.  
  
Nathan was a liar.  
  
He was confused, contradictory, and a jerk. He said he wanted to change and yet, he was making the same exact mistakes he was in the past, except this time around, he didn't even seem to care. The level of coldness in his stance scared her. What had happened to him? What was going on in his head?  
  
Shaking her head, confused, she stepped out into the street, watching him carefully before she finally said, "What's going on with you?"  
  
Nathan looked back at her dully, "What do you mean?"  
  
"Why are you acting like this? So, hot and cold. Make up your mind," her eyes narrowed, "You can't keep jumping back and forth."  
  
He simply stared at her, his posture defeated before he shrugged and looked off in the other direction, "This is all that's left of me, Haley. I don't know what I'm doing anymore or what I'm supposed to be doing. If I'm messing up," he shook his head, "I don't even know."  
  
"Yes, you do," Haley whispered, "You always know."  
  
"Maybe, I do but I don't acknowledge it."  
  
"Nathan, why are you being like this?" Haley asked, her voice growing desperate, "I thought-" she paused, "I thought after yesterday you were going to try."  
  
"Is there a point to trying?" Nathan asked, his voice flat, "Every time I think I'm getting somwhere, I realize I only fall deeper into my own faults and I try and claw my way back out but I never can. I just keep sinking. I tried to ignore you, but I fell even harder into memories and you. I tried keeping the hope up that we could be something again but now, it's all shut out," his voice was strained. He couldn't bring himself to tell her about Caitlin. "I try to be a better man but I realize that I'm just like my father, maybe worse. So, I'm not trying anymore, Haley. There's no point in it." Nathan said, "Brooke will always hate me after this, so there's no point in apologizing. Caitlin will keep disliking me, so there's not point in making nice. I will still be like my father because I am his son, so there's no point when it's inevitable. And, you," Nathan looked her in the eye, "You will always walk away from me because you give up but, not this time. This time, I'm doing the walking away."  
  
Haley watched in shock as Nathan moved farther and farther away from her. Where had all this come from and why didn't she notice it? She reached out, her hand holding on tightly to his arm as she said, "I'm not walking away."  
  
There was a small spark in his eyes before it quickly died off, "I am."  
  
"Nathan, don't do this. Don't mess this up when-" Haley's voice died in her throat as she held back the tears. "I can't just open up to you like that, Nathan. I can't just forget and go back to the way things were because it's not right. There's too much behind us to put it aside. But, we can try. I'm willing to try," Haley revealed to herself and him for the first time, "I don't want to lose you again," she whispered, the proclamation rolling off her lips.  
  
He looked at her, his eyes serious as he cupped her cheek with the palm of his hand, "Shhh." Now was the time. Now was the time he should tell her about Caitlin, to reveal everything and then, maybe they could move on from there. She had just admitted the truth to him and it was only right for him to do the same. But, he couldn't.  
  
He couldn't ruin it.

--  
  
Haley's hand touched his as she slowly lowered his hand from her cheek. She squeezed it gently. Staring into his eyes, the shortness of breath and haziness of reality hit her. Was she really in a position to help him? Was she even helping him or was she just helping herself, helping herself reach that closure she so desperately needed? What was she doing? Did she even know anymore? This was just too confusing. How did she expect to help Nathan when she didn't know what to do as well. She was just as lost, except, she pretended to be strong.  
  
She was a good liar.  
  
Over the years, she had to learn. A shoulder bumped into her back and Haley snapped back to reality, noticing that they were in the middle of a New York City sidewalk. For the past few minutes, people had simply been moving past them, not even bothering to stop and watch the spectacle before them. She used to be like that. So caught up in her own life and going through the motions that she forgot how to live, how to appreciate the simple things.  
  
Maybe she was still like that. She didn't know.  
  
He looked at her, the vulnerability was obvious in his eyes. He wanted guidance, he wanted her to help him. She did offer after all. She was the one who wanted to try. But, what was she supposed to say? Goodness knows, she wished she knew the magic words to make everything better. To fix him.  
  
He was broken.  
  
She knew that. But, there was no easy fix. There was no guarantee that things could be fixed period. But, she still had to try. The thing was, how could she even try if she didn't even know the first step? The thoughts whizzed through her head rapidly as she struggled for clarity. Biting her lip, she whispered the first thing that came to her mind, "We need to go grocery shopping."  
  
Nathan's eyes clouded with confusion at her words before he nodded, seeing her own confusion. A sense of understanding washed over him and he felt as if they had reached a mutual deal of sorts. Neither of them knew what to do first and neither one of them had the heart or the courage to make a first step, any step, in fear of messing things up even further. And, so for now, it was at a stalemate. Let things go as they were and maybe it would fix itself.  
  
It never would.  
  
He followed her steps and somehow, his hand found it's way to hers and she interlocked her fingers through his. Something small, something simple. It was a step.  
  
Yet, both were too oblivious to realize it.

--  
  
"I can't afford this," Caitlin sighed with a pout as she put the hanger back on the rack. Her eyes skimmed over the price tags before she whined, "I can't afford any of this."  
  
"Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."  
  
Caitlin turned around, not at all surprised at who was there. "Stalking me, are we?"  
  
Brooke shrugged before she took the piece of clothing Caitlin was looking at only moments before off the rack, "I saw you through the window. Thought I'd say 'hi'."  
  
Caitlin nodded, her eyes studying Brooke's face. She was beautiful. Caitlin knew that, after all, she was a model. There was just something off about Brooke's appearance. Something too perfect. The make up had no flaws. There was nothing wrong with her appearance. That was what was off. Brooke was too done up.  
  
The dark circles were gone as well as the tear stains. They were washed and painted away with precision and a good amount of expensive makeup.  
  
Caitlin said nothing as she continued skimming the rack, "So, how've you been?"  
  
"Decent," Brooke replied with a shrug, "More bored then anything."  
  
"Don't make me get into my New York speech again," Caitlin said with a smile, "You should've called me."  
  
"Didn't want you to think I was following you or anything."  
  
"Right, and showing up at a store at the same time as me, unplanned doesn't raise that notion," Caitlin said sarcasticaly.  
  
"Hey," Brooke defended, "Think what you want. I'm here now. And, so are you. That's what matters."  
  
Caitlin's eyes gleamed as she saw the new placement of shoes, "So, what exactly are you shopping for?"  
  
"Nothing really," Brooke replied lightly. "Anything that catches my eye, I guess."  
  
"You have the money for it."  
  
"And, you don't."  
  
Caitlin shot her a mock glare, "Don't make fun of the average 9 to 5 worker."  
  
Brooke smiled at her words, "I'm not. Just stating the obvious. I don't get why you don't try something else, something new. You're young, you're beautiful and could possibly be quite talented."  
  
"Yeah, because everything works out like that," she rolled her eyes, "World's a harsh place."  
  
"That's why it's good to have friends that support you," Brooke said softly as she kneeled down, checking out a pair of boots. "Haley's lucky."  
  
Caitlin looked down at her before she sat down on the ottoman by the shoe rack, "You know that I'm here-"  
  
"I do," Brooke said quickly, not letting her finish. "I don't know why though. I don't know you."  
  
Caitlin nodded at the fact, "I don't know you either," she said truthfully, "Doesn't mean I don't want to."  
  
She was silent for a few moments before she pulled a strand of her hair behind her ear, glancing at Caitlin with one of her famous 'Brooke Davis' smiles, "Thanks."

--  
  
"Grocery shopping?" Nathan asked as he looked around at the wide selection of juices.  
  
Haley couldn't help but grin at the way he spoke of it, "You know, that has to be the first time I've heard someone sound so depressed about grocery shopping."  
  
"I'm not depressed," he defended, "I just," he paused before looking at her questioningly, "Grocery shopping?"  
  
She smiled before shrugging, "I need to eat."  
  
"Yeah, but-"  
  
"And, in order to eat, I need to buy food."  
  
"You're ruining my fun," he said, his eyes squinted.  
  
"Yeah, sorry. Feel free to go back to your 'I hate the world' gaze while staring off at the cheeses," Haley pointed in the direction of the dairy department.  
  
Unable to help himself, a small smile inched it's way onto his lips as he said, "I don't have a 'I hate the world' gaze."  
  
She scoffed, "You've obviously never taken a good look in the mirror."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Take it whatever way you want," she said, a tone of humor in her voice.  
  
"Haley James," he said, his voice warning in a light, joking manner.  
  
"Oooh, first and last name. I feel special."  
  
"Banter," Nathan said as he cocked his head to the side, "How I've missed you."  
  
"Sarcasm," she said, mocking his head movement, "How I've missed you as well."  
  
"Funny."  
  
"You like it."

--  
  
"How do you pack it all in?"  
  
Without turning around, Haley raised an eyebrow as she gripped the bag of groceries tighter, trudging up the stairs of her New York City apartment building with Nathan in tow. "Meaning?"  
  
"You obviously eat a lot," Nathan commented as he eyed the bags of groceries in his arms, "How do you pack it all in? It doesn't show."  
  
"I'm gonna take that as a compliment and just leave it at that," Haley said with a laugh as she arrived at the door to her apartment. Balancing the bag on her knee, she struggled slightly with the door, opening the door only to hear laughter emitting from the other side. Curious, she pushed the door open to reveal Brooke and Caitlin sitting on the couch. In shock, Haley lost her balance and the bag of groceries came crashing down onto the ground, the items in the bag spilling into the hallway and the apartment. Silently cursing herself, Haley knelt down and busied herself with picking everything up while her mind ran over the possible outs she and Nathan could take to avoid the oncoming confrontation.  
  
She could run. He would be confused. Okay, cancel that. She could shut the door. He would be confused and demand why. Nope, wouldn't work either.  
  
Mentally slapping herself, Haley continued to look down as she gathered her purchases, grateful yet cautious when Caitlin appeared next to her, picking up things left and right as well.  
  
"Sorry if we startled you," Caitlin said with concern in her voice as she walked into the kitchen with the items she had gathered, "I didn't expect you back so soon."  
  
"I didn't expect you back at all," Haley muttered as she walked into the kitchen, sending her a questioning look, "What's she doing here?" She said in a hushed whisper.  
  
"We met up by accident at a store and I invited her back here for some snackage."  
  
"You know that," Haley nodded towards Nathan who was awkwardly standing outside the door, his eyes affixed on Brooke as he clutched the bags of groceries to his chest, "was going to be here."  
  
"No, I really didn't," Caitlin said, slightly frustrated, "What? Am I not supposed to invite my friends here now?"  
  
"You're not friends," Haley said, almost shrieking, "You barely even know her."  
  
"I could say the same for you, except I'm not inviting strange men over to sleep in the same space as me," Caitlin retorted, her arms crossed.  
  
"I don't want to fight," Haley sighed, "I'm sorry. I just didn't expect her here and I really don't want to deal with," she waved towards the living room, "This."  
  
"We'll leave," Caitlin said after a few moments before she looked at Haley seriously, "You can't keep running away."  
  
Haley looked at her before shaking her head, "Don't be so quick to think you know everything about me," she said, the annoyance obvious in her tone, "You don't."  
  
Noticing the defense Haley was putting on, Caitlin raised her hands in defeat before backing away, "Fine, I don't and I won't." She walked into the living room, looking at Brooke, "I think it's time for us to leave now."  
  
"Yeah," Brooke said, nodding as she followed Caitlin out the door, saying to Nathan with venom in her voice, "Not even 24 hours and she already has you domesticated."  
  
Nathan's eyes turned cold as he looked at her coldly before walking into the apartment, closing the door with a click. He set the bags of groceries on the counter as he looked intently at Haley who was leaning against the counter, her head in her hands.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"I'm fine," Haley lied flatly as she pushed the hair out of her face. Forcing out a smile, she said, "Just a little surprised is all."  
  
"Is Caitlin okay?"  
  
"I don't know," Haley answered honestly, "I'll deal with her later." She began to put things in the refrigerator, the stress taking it's toll on her petite body. Caitlin was mad, frustrated.. Haley didn't know what she was anymore, it just wasn't pleasant and she had every right to be. Haley did invite Nathan to stay over without Caitlin's consent and it was true, she barely even knew Nathan anymore. It had been so long and he had changed so much. She shouldn't have been so quick to attack Caitlin about Brooke. There was tension on both parts and Haley sighed in disappointment. She hated it when Caitlin was right and she hated it when it felt like someone else knew her more then she knew herself. She was so confused and Caitlin seemed to have all the answers. While before, that comforted her, now it only annoyed her.  
  
She was supposed to be in control. She was supposed to know what to do and say. But, she didn't know.  
  
There was a gap in between them now and that bothered Haley greatly. Caitlin was her best friend and she had been for over 5 years. Now, they were fighting and they were angry with each other. It was serious. Haley knew that.  
  
Caitlin was only looking out for her but sometimes, she was just so overprotective. Haley slammed the refrigerator door shut, leaning her back against it as she closed her eyes, barely even noticing Nathan was still in the same room as her.  
  
She felt him step closer and turn her around, his rough hands travelling over her smooth skin before they moved in rhythmic circles, easing away her tensions. Haley closed her eyes even tighter as Nathan continued to give her a massage.  
  
It wasn't sexual though it certainly did feel good. It was merely a form of comfort. Nathan knew that Haley would never ask for help but he was giving it anyway, voluntarily. It was almost ironic, a few hours ago, he was asking her for help and here he was, giving it to her instead.  
  
It was funny how things never turned out the way you'd expect.


	14. Chapter 14

"He's not worth it," Brooke said suddenly as they walked down the streets of New York at a fast pace.  
  
Caitlin slowed at her words before she raised an eyebrow, "You seemed to think he was."  
  
"I know now that for me, he isn't. He's not worth throwing away the friendship you and Haley have."  
  
"It seems like that's not my decision to make," Caitlin said, her tone angry.  
  
"Partially it is. Don't let him get between you two. Right now, he's probably back there comforting her and she's softening up to him. Don't let him do that."  
  
Caitlin laughed suddenly, rolling her eyes, "So, what? This is some big conspriacy?"  
  
"He's a jerk. I know this from first hand experience. When he wants something, he'll go after it," Brooke said truthfully, "He's determined."  
  
"And, what makes you think I can stop him?"  
  
"I don't," she said honestly, "But, you have to try."  
  
"She won't listen to me."  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
Caitlin shrugged before looking down at the ground, her eyes sad, "Yeah, I think I do."  
  
"You're her best friend," Brooke argued.  
  
"And, he's her first and maybe, 'true' love," Caitlin said, the sarcasm obvious in her tone.  
  
"But, you have to-"  
  
"Look," Caitlin interuppted, "I don't know what kind of deal you and Nathan have here and honestly, I don't want to know. What's between me and Haley is between me and Haley. Don't use me to get back at him. I don't like Nathan but I don't think he's that big of a dick to push me out of the way completely just to mess with Haley."  
  
Brooke raised an eyebrow, unconvinced, "He'll just screw with her again, I know he will. It's exactly what he did with me."  
  
"She believes in him. I trust her. I'm going with that. Besides, I tried telling her and she didn't listen. I'm not going to argue that any further, there's no point."  
  
Brooke bit the inside of her lip and shook her head, "I'm worried for her."  
  
Caitlin snorted as she crossed her arms, "No, you're not." Her eyes narrowed, "You just want revenge."  
  
Brooke paused for a moment before she sighed, "Okay, so what if I do, there's nothing wrong with that."  
  
"The vengeance," Caitlin said as she walked a few steps closer to Brooke, "It's what keeps you going now because it's all you have left. Just don't let it consume you."  
  
Brooke was silent for a few moments before she nodded and looked at her companion seriously, "Do you hate me now?"  
  
"No," Caitlin replied, "It's understandable and besides, you pull anything with Haley just to get to Nathan, you can't even imagine what I'll do to you."  
  
"You walk a fine line, Ms. Monroe."  
  
"I'm used to it by now."

--  
  
What was she doing?  
  
Haley's eyes snapped open as the thought ran through her head for the millionth time that day. She always seemed to refuse to answer that question every time she asked herself. She never really gave a straight answer. It was always, 'I don't know' or 'I'm confused'. But, she couldn't lie to herself. Not completely, at least.  
  
What was she doing?  
  
What had happened a few minutes ago was the beginning of a breakdown to a 5 year friendship. And, why was it occuring? Because of Nathan.  
  
Haley took a step forward, pushing his hands off of her as a shortness of breath came upon her. No, it wasn't because of Nathan. It was because of herself. She could blame Nathan or anybody else on this earth as much as she wanted but in the end, the truth would still remain. This was her own fault. She had gotten herself into this mess and she had to get herself out of it.  
  
She wanted to help Nathan, she knew there would be repercussions and yet, when they came, she couldn't handle them. She simply pushed it aside, hoping that it would fix itself.  
  
What was she doing?  
  
She was losing her control and her grip on all that was important. She could feel her priorities begin to slip away as the chaos of emotions surrounded her. She didn't know what she was doing. Now the question becomes, did she ever?  
  
Did she know what she was doing when she broke up with Nathan all those years ago? Did she know what she was doing when she went to college with a broken heart and teary eyes? Did she know what she was doing when she shut her past out and try to rebuild a new life in New York? Did she know what she was doing when she began to let Nathan back in?  
  
No. She didn't.  
  
She never knew. She had made so many mistakes in the past that they all dominoed and now, she was enduring the lasting effect of it all. She had to stop it.  
  
She couldn't make another mistake because it felt like she only had one chance left. She was standing at the edge and one more mistake would push her over. She couldn't fall over.  
  
"You're shaking."  
  
The words brought the outside world crashing in as Haley whipped around, her body moving backwards.  
  
"Haley?"  
  
"I can't do this, Nathan," she whispered. "I can't help you," she shook her head incredulously, "I can't even help myself anymore."  
  
His brow furrowed in confusion as the uncertainty clouded his eyes, "Haley, are you-?"  
  
"I tried," she nodded vigorously, "I did and I wanted to help because I thought that if I did, it would make things better and it would help you because you were so lost but I can't, I can't." She took in a deep breath, "I want to but I can't."  
  
"Haley," Nathan said sharply, bringing her attention to him. He took a step closer and grabbed her arms firmly but gently, "You don't have to save me. I don't expect you to."  
  
"Then," she said quietly, "Then, what do you want from me?"  
  
Nathan let her go quickly and leaned against the kitchen counter, letting out a heavy sigh, "I don't want anything from you."  
  
Haley shakily pushed a strand of hair out of her face as she shook her head, "Yes, you do. Don't lie."  
  
He looked up at her, "You know what I want."  
  
"Do I?" She asked, her voice slightly demanding, "Hell, an hour ago you barely knew what you wanted and now you expect me to what? Read your mind?"  
  
"Then, what kind of answer do you want from me, Haley?" He asked, his tone harsh, "It feels like my whole world is just disintergrating into nothing but I still know one thing and that's you. I know you and I want you and you know damn well, you want me too."  
  
She shook her head, utterly confused.  
  
"But, I can't have you. Remember?" He whispered coldly, "You said that you wouldn't walk away again but here you are, doing it again. You won't stop, Haley James. You can't. Because you will always be scared."  
  
"Don't you dare start getting all self righteous on me! Do you remember why this ended in the first place?"  
  
"You broke it off."  
  
"Why Nathan?" She nearly screamed, "Why do you think I did? Because I was hurting and because I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't just stop loving you all of a sudden after I said it was over. All these years, you probably still think it was my fault and that it was all me, right?" She demanded, "Blame it all on me but you had a part of it too. A relationship isn't a one way street, Nathan, it was every bit your fault as it was mine."  
  
"And you didn't do the same?" Nathan retorted, "Stop being such a hypocrite, Haley. You probably did the same thing, telling all your friends about your jerk of an ex boyfriend who broke your heart into a thousand little pieces."  
  
Haley was on the verge of crying as her face scrunched up in pain, "I couldn't talk about you. Not even to Caitlin."  
  
The admission dissipated all the anger within Nathan, leaving a hollow pain inside him. He watched as Haley fell to her knees, sitting on the kitchen floor, trying her best to hold back the sobs. This was her breakdown.  
  
It was his fault.  
  
It was almost funny how quickly the tables turned. Only a few hours ago, he was in her position and she in his. Now, it was his turn. As he bent down, a feeling of realization came upon him. There was no solid stance of position in who was helping who. They were both helping each other. Helping each other move on and accepting the past. Perhaps, blindly but helping nonetheless.  
  
Nathan pushed the hair out of her face as he leaned in, letting her into his arms, whispering meaningless comforting words into her ear.

--  
  
"So, what's your deal?"  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow as she stuffed a big spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. The vanilla melted slowly and she silently savored the softness and sweetness of the flavor before she answered Brooke's question, "What do you mean?"  
  
Brooke snorted before she took a bite out of her apple pie, "You know exactly what I mean. What's your deal, you know, your story." She shrugged, "You certainly know mine. Seems fair that I know yours too."  
  
"You're one of those 'eye for an eye' people, aren't you?"  
  
"Good call," Brooke said, laughing lightly as she took a sip out of her milkshake, "I'm going to get fat," she pouted and frowned momentarily, "This is your fault."  
  
Caitlin rolled her eyes, "Yeah, okay, so you gain like what? A pound? You need it, believe me, you do."  
  
"I'm going to take that as a compliment," Brooke smiled sweetly before she demanded, "So, story."  
  
"I have no story," Caitlin said honestly, "I'm not like you North Carolina types. I don't have some big, elaborate, secret past filled with lies, deceit, love, and pain," she said, her voice dramatic, "I'm just me, average, simple girl from Chicago."  
  
"So, no first love or messed up high school experience?"  
  
"Oh, no," Caitlin laughed, "I had those. I had plenty of those but not to the point of well, Nathan and Haley. They seem to be a little on the extreme side."  
  
"That's the understatement of the year," Brooke muttered.  
  
"You knew about their whole deal, right?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You know what I mean," Caitlin eyed her carefully and Brooke nodded unwillingly.  
  
"Yeah," she sighed, "I did."  
  
"So, why'd you even bother trying with Nathan?"  
  
Brooke looked away sadly before she shrugged, "You can't control love, right?"  
  
Caitlin remained silent for a few moments before she waved her hands about, "Okay, enough moping. This was not what we set out to do."  
  
"Right," Brooke said, trying her best to smile widely, "I've got us invites to a party tonight."  
  
"Score."

--  
  
Her fingers were turning white.  
  
She gripped hard at his chest as she tried her best to hold back the tears. God, she couldn't cry. Why was it so hard? The past was the past and it shouldn't have affected her so much. It shouldn't have hurt so much. She had already been through all of this. She should've been able to handle this.  
  
But, she couldn't.  
  
She couldn't handle it and she had to accept the consequences the hard way. Haley gasped loudly as she closed her eyes tightly, willing the tears away. She could feel the memories pour from her heart, flooding her entire body. Everything that she had surpressed in the last six years were coming back to her. Coming back to suffocate her.  
  
Even the good memories seemed tainted, a mistake, wrong in some way or manner. She couldn't think of them highly, not when she was drowning in the confusion that was now. The situation she was in. What was right and what was wrong? What was she supposed to do? What could she do to fix everything?  
  
She had no clue. She had no idea where to start. She didn't even know if there was a solution. But, she had to try. Right? She was so tired of trying. Ever since she could remember, she had been everyone else's hope. The one that never gave up. The one that kept everyone else going. And, now, she was the one that needed that hope.  
  
Who could she expect it from? Nathan?  
  
He was trying his best to keep his head up out of the water, to keep from drowning. She was only dragging him down. Or maybe it was the other way around.  
  
She didn't know anymore.  
  
The confusion began to hit her hard as the slip of reality she had been clinging onto so desperately shattered in front of her face. She could see it all falling away and there was absolutely nothing she could do to prevent it.  
  
It was gone. Normal was officially gone.  
  
That seemed utterly familiar, to be 'miles from normal'. She remembered when it first occured, so many years back with her and Lucas. Their integration into the 'popular' crowd and the perks of being a basketball superstar and his best friend. She remembered how she missed it when things were simple.  
  
She also remembered how happy she was that things did change. Because, they did. And, she had to accept that. She thought she had learned to go with the flow, to accept change and to adapt to it.  
  
Perhaps, she never did. Because, if she did, she would've handled the whole situation better. She would've adjusted to the change and the impact that Nathan had on her life by appearing again.  
  
Change was different. The question was, was different bad or good?  
  
Haley looked up at Nathan with teary eyes, her lips pursed in a straight line. And for the first time, she saw the difference in his face. The wrinkle lines on his forehead, the darkness under his eyes, the tenseness of his jaw and the dryness of his lips. She lifted up her hand and felt the roughness of his skin.  
  
And, yet, he was still the most handsome man she had seen in her entire life.  
  
The blue of his eyes darkened at her movement and she could see the confusion clouding his beautiful eyes. Letting out a deep sigh, she whispered, "How do we move on?"  
  
Nathan paused for a moment, quiet and contemplating. 5 words. One simple question. So many answers, both complex and simple in nature. How was he supposed to answer that? It was the determining factor in how things were going to be. He couldn't mess this up. And, yet, it felt like he was on the edge, about to fall off the cliff into the depths of darkness. He couldn't fall, not again, not when he was finally starting to get back up again.  
  
One question.  
  
What was the right answer?

--  
  
"Should I be scared?"  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow at Brooke's question as she walked up the stairs to her and Haley's apartment. "Scared about what?"  
  
"Well, the last and first time I went into your apartment, the tension was just a tad bit over the boiling point," Brooke cocked her head to the side and smirked, "Not that I don't like tension. It's fun but right now, I don't want to deal with Nathan and the train wreck that is him."  
  
"We'll be brief. In and out type of deal."  
  
Brooke scoffed, "Brief? That's believable."  
  
"Look, I'll just grab my favorite party clothes and I'll do my makeup and hair at your hotel room."  
  
Brooke looked down at that comment as she sighed heavily, "I really don't want to go back there."  
  
"You live there, well, for the next few weeks at least."  
  
"I just," she shrugged her shoulders weakly, "I want to get away from it. All of it."  
  
"So, you just plan to not go back to your hotel room, for like, what, ever?"  
  
"No, just for tonight. I want out."  
  
"Denial?" Caitlin looked slightly surprised.  
  
"Why the shock?"  
  
"Didn't figure you for the type."  
  
Brooke laughed at her words, "Oh, I'm the type for all of it. Betrayal, denial, deceit, envy, gluttony, vanity," She grinned, "Every bad little thing that your mother warned you about, I'm all for it."  
  
"Naughty."  
  
"I try."  
  
"Okay," Caitlin said with a small smile, "You ready?" Her hand was on the doorknob, her keys in hand.  
  
"This is pathetic," Brooke muttered before she rolled her eyes at Caitlin's expecting glance. "Yeah, yeah," she ceded, "I'm ready."  
  
Laughing, Caitlin opened the door, stumbling slightly inside. The smile disappeared from her face when she saw Nathan and Haley. Her expression fell even further when she turned around and saw Brooke, or rather, a brown blur rushing out the door and down the hallway of the apartment building.  
  
Caitlin looked back at the dishelveled couple and then back at the now empty doorway. "And, it all falls down."

--  
  
It was a sign.  
  
Nathan had decided that. After all, his karma couldn't have been that bad. He didn't screw that many people over. It wasn't possible that the one moment, the one chance he had of possibly making things better could be interrupted.  
  
It was just a moment. And, it was gone.  
  
Haley was out of his arms. She was standing in the hallway now, talking to Caitlin.  
  
He didn't hear her words, it all just slurred together. He simply sat in the kitchen, his mood calm, his face blank. Just a moment.  
  
This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to be interuppted. Haley had finally opened up to him and he was supposed to rescue her or something like that. He was supposed to make things better. He was supposed to help her and he was going to. But, then, things just stopped.  
  
The moment was gone.  
  
He could still smell her perfume in the air around him and he could still feel the warmth against his fingertips. Nathan stood up slowly as he leaned against the kitchen counter, watching as Haley and Caitlin discussed something or other.  
  
It felt so surreal. So fast. Time had picked up somehow, things had fast forwarded and he was struggling so hard to catch up.  
  
One thing remained constant. One thought.  
  
We move on together.  
  
--


	15. Chapter 15

"You're cuddling with him?"  
  
Haley rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms defensively, "I wasn't cuddling! We were discussing something."  
  
"On the kitchen floor?" Caitlin asked incredulously, "It's called a couch! A chair, a stool, even!"  
  
"This is so not the point."  
  
"Then what is?"  
  
Haley looked down, not wanting to answer the question, "Why do you care so much?"  
  
"Because you're my best friend and I don't want to see you get hurt."  
  
"I'm not going to get hurt," Haley said slightly frustrated, "And, even if I do get hurt, so what? I make mistakes but at least they're my own. I don't need a babysitter."  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow as she took a step back, "I'm just looking out for you."  
  
"I know," Haley said, nodding, shaking her head in confusion, "I don't know what I'm saying. Just don't listen to me. Things are a mess. I'm a mess. I don't know what I'm doing. God, I'm sorry. I'm just-"  
  
"Haley, stop," Caitlin raised a hand and touched her shoulder gently, "Just breathe."  
  
"I can't. I can't breathe. I can't do anything. I just feel my whole world slipping away and there's nothing-" Haley stifled her outburst before she closed her eyes tightly. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Stop apologizing," Caitlin said quietly as she hugged Haley gently.  
  
"I'm messing up, Caity," Haley murmured softly.  
  
"We all do it," she smiled reassuringly.  
  
"Thank you," she said softly as she nodded towards the open door, "Go after her. She needs you more then I do right now."  
  
Caitlin sighed deeply before nodding, "What a great way to spend my weekend."  
  
Laughing quietly, Haley watched as Caitlin ran down the stairs. With her hand gripping the door, Haley closed it gently, not wanting to turn around. For a moment, things were normal again. It was just her and Caitlin. Laughing and comforting each other, supporting each other. It was just the girls. It was comfortable and easy. It was safe.  
  
Nathan wasn't.  
  
Haley leaned her forehead against the cool wood of the door, breathing in deeply.  
  
Safety. It was something she so desperately craved and wanted.  
  
Was it what she needed?  
  
Want. Need. The lines were all blurring together now. The past with the present. Nothing stayed still. Nothing was clear.  
  
Clarity. Another thing she so desperately craved. Something that she had been so sure she needed.  
  
She couldn't tell the difference anymore. Nothing was concrete. Nothing was positive. Everything was all shades of grey, the black and white had faded together.  
  
Turning around slowly, Haley lifted her eyes cautiously to meet Nathan's. She was sure he could see the question still reflecting from her eyes.  
  
Did he have an answer?

--  
  
Where do we go from here?  
  
The small phrase kept repeating itself over and over again in her head as Haley stood there in the hallway of the apartment, silent and waiting. He wasn't saying anything.  
  
No movement. No answer.  
  
What was she supposed to do now? It was his move, not hers. And, yet... it all felt so awkward, so forced. She needed to know. She deserved to know. What was supposed to happen now? How were they supposed to move on?  
  
Wasn't that the whole point to all of this? To move on. To accept the pain, deal with the misery and maybe move on from it? That was how things were supposed to be. How things were supposed to go.  
  
But, it just wasn't happening that way.  
  
They were at a standstill yet again and this time, Haley had already made her move. It was all up to Nathan. She looked at him intently, her eyes silently urging to say the words she needed to hear. Something.  
  
Anything.  
  
Anything but the silence. It was deafening, cracking through the air like thunder, slowly breaking down her resolve and the confidence she managed to muster up.  
  
She needed... something.  
  
But, nothing came.

--  
  
"This is cliche."  
  
Caitlin stopped in her steps as she rested her arm against the staircase railing, her eyes affixed on the brunette a floor down from her. "Chasing after you after a big, dramatic scene?"  
  
Brooke nodded silently and Caitlin took a hesitant step down. "You North Carolina types certainly bring some excitement into life," she said with a small laugh, taking another step down. Her heel made a distinct click with the step and Brooke immediately tensed up.  
  
"I should've expected that?"  
  
"What? Nathan and Haley?"  
  
Again, Brooke was silent. That was answer enough.  
  
"Yeah, you should've," Caitlin ceded with a sigh. "It doesn't make it hurt less."  
  
"No, it really doesn't," Brooke answered quietly before she shrugged weakly, "I was so looking forward to pretending and getting over this drama." She paused, "Even if it was just for an hour or so."  
  
"You just haven't had enough time to," she stopped herself, looking for the right word, "deal."  
  
"Deal," Brooke snorted, "Is that what I'm supposed to be doing now? How about starting with the basics? Like, maybe being able to breathe without it feeling like somebody is stabbing my heart with broken glass?"  
  
Caitlin clamped her mouth shut at those words, looking down uncomfortably, "I really don't know what to say to that."  
  
"You don't have to say anything," Brooke said dully.  
  
"I should though. Some advice. Some words to make you feel better."  
  
"They're just words."  
  
Caitlin took another hesitant step down, slightly relieved when Brooke kept her calm and ground. She took another step before Brooke's voice stopped her.  
  
"I don't want you to comfort me. I don't want your sympathy. I don't need it."  
  
"It's not pity."  
  
"It's fragile and weak," Brooke spat, "I'm not like that anymore."  
  
"You're shutting down," Caitlin observed quietly.  
  
"Maybe I am," Brooke turned around, "It hurts less that way."

--  
  
She had to say something. It had been too long. Wasn't there a rule of some sort? After ten seconds of silence, someone should just break the silence with a phrase, a question, anything. Just something to drive away the awkward silence.  
  
"I'm gonna go," her mind blanked out on her mid sentence and Haley struggled for words, her hand pointing limply in any random direction, "Over there."  
  
Haley quickly rushed past the kitchen and into the living room, about to walk into her own room when Nathan's voice stopped her.  
  
"Together," he blurted out finally.  
  
Haley turned around and looked at him in confusion, her brow furrowed, "What?"  
  
"Together," he said with a sigh, "We move on together." He looked at her intensely, searching for any sign of acceptance or rejection or just.. a reaction.  
  
The surprise was etched all over her face as Haley slowly regained the ability to speak. "Together?" she asked hesitantly.  
  
"I know, we've both messed up and I just, I don't care about it anymore. I don't want to think about it anymore. I just, I want you." Nathan said with a frustrated sigh, "I just want you."  
  
Haley looked at him quietly before she took a step forward. She took his hand in hers and continued to study him, her eyes soft and gentle.  
  
He cocked his head to the side in confusion, about to open his mouth to speak when she stopped him.  
  
She placed her fingers upon his lips and silenced him, shaking her head. A small smile crept onto her face as she held his hand in hers.  
  
She could feel it again.  
  
The questions, the contemplative answers. They were all coming back to her. Musings that she's thought of over the years, they were coming back to her at random. She didn't pause to think, why, exactly so many random things were drifting through her mind.  
  
The truth was, she was trying her best to focus. Trying her best not to focus on the fact that Nathan Scott had just said the words she wanted to hear for 6 long years. She had to think about something else, something other then this. She knew that if she began to analyze, focus, and think.. it would be ruined.  
  
That was what always happened, wasn't it?  
  
She would over analyze, find something wrong and run away. Now, in this moment, more then ever, she wanted to stay. She did not want to find something wrong with the situation and then proceed to pick it apart, piece by piece and finally come to the conclusion that it just wasn't worth it.  
  
The pain that is.  
  
She had gone through so much emotional realization within the short period of time she had spent with him and while some may think that was bad, she thought of it as good. Through the realizations, she discovered herself and found who she was. Or, at least, she did. With Nathan, nothing was concrete and nothing was for sure. Everything was confusing, a blur.  
  
It wasn't so bad.  
  
Really. True, like anyone else, clarity was needed and appreciated but sometimes she thought she lived for the confusion. It was what kept everything exciting. It gave her something to ponder over and wonder about. It made her think. It made her who she was.  
  
She was Haley James and Haley James had pushed away her past and problems in hopes of forgetting them. That was her way of 'moving on'. Now, Nathan was offering something different.. something she wasn't sure about. She felt like she was in high school all over again.  
  
Nathan was offering his hand in something that was completely foreign to her. And, again, she had accepted. She didn't even pause to think about the repercussions because when he offered, she knew.  
  
It just felt right.  
  
Like it did when he first kissed her.  
  
Haley paused. It was creeping up on her again, the questions, the contemplative answers that she just didn't want to think about. Because, if she did... she would change her mind.  
  
It would ruin it.  
  
And, she didn't want to ruin it.

--  
  
Vulernable. That was the only word that came to mind as Caitlin watched the scene before her unfold. It was frightening, watching someone unravel like that before her. There was so much that she wanted to say, so much that she should say. To fix things. To help. That was what she always did. Help.  
  
Now, she couldn't do anything. It wasn't even her place. They weren't close. They had barely met each other and yet, Caitlin felt the need to help her. Perhaps it was the basic humanitarian in her but then again, who could just stand there and watch someone come apart at the seams and not do anything? Who was that cold? That harsh? That numb?  
  
Nathan.  
  
Caitlin flinched visibly and took in a deep breath, readying herself and gathering the thoughts in her head. "No, it doesn't."  
  
Brooke looked at her questioningly, "What?"  
  
"It doesn't hurt less that way. It'll hurt more. Because, it might stop the pain now but when you let your guard down, just a little bit, it'll all come back to you. Harder. And, it'll hurt more," Caitlin said softly, "More then it has to."  
  
Brooke scoffed silently before shaking her head, "So sage. Have you been through this, Caitlin? Do you know how I'm feeling?"  
  
"No, I don't," she said honestly, "And, I won't pretend to. I'm just trying to help."  
  
"I wish you'd stop trying to help," Brooke said suddenly, "I wish everything would just," she faltered, "stop. Just stop... stop caring."  
  
Caitlin stood there in place, frozen, unable to speak. After a few silent moments, she asked in shock, "What?"  
  
"Please," Brooke looked down sadly as her voice cracked, "Because if you stop caring, maybe I will too."  
  
Without another word, Caitlin quickly moved forward, closing the space between her and Brooke as she hugged her tightly, hoping to ease the pain somehow. It wouldn't help much.. she knew. Caitlin was not what Brooke wanted. What Brooke wanted was four flights above them, in her and Haley's apartment.  
  
She would do for now though.  
  
She had to.

--  
  
They simply stood there.  
  
Holding hands, both in their own worlds, their thoughts racing through their minds. It looked so young.. so high school-ish. They were like the star couple, all over again. The couple that you wished would never break up because they were the representation of what you wanted in life, what you envied.  
  
Yet, neither realized it.  
  
Nathan's eyes slowly travelled down to their joined hands, briefly wondering what this meant. What it signified. Was it something big? Was all forgiven? Was all the drama finally over now? Or was it just a small step in the large, elaborate scheme that was to come?  
  
He didn't know.  
  
And, honestly, at that moment, he could care less. All he knew was that she accepted. He offered... and she accepted. He knew it was stupid of himself to put himself on the line. After all, his whole youth, his father taught him to never put out his own weaknesses and take advantage of other's. It seemed with Haley, all his old rules and teachings went out the window.  
  
That bothered him at some point in his life. But, not now.  
  
She took his hand when he offered it, and she held it. She accepted him and helped him when he needed it and he returned the favor. Give and take.  
  
Wasn't that what a relationship was all about?  
  
Was that what they were now? Was that what they were in again? A relationship? There were so many questions that continued to zip through his head and so few answers. And again, he could've cared less.  
  
She was smiling at him. And, she held his hand.  
  
That was all that mattered now.

--  
  
Time had moved on.  
  
Or so it seemed. It was a haze, really. All her movements, thoughts, swirling into one. Haley couldn't tell anything anymore, left from right, right from wrong. Everything just was and she felt no need for an explanation. She had stopped asking for them because they only made things more complicated. Her past had taught her that complications were one thing that she did not need nor want.  
  
She wished it would stay that way.  
  
Uncomplicated. But, it didn't. She managed to bring things to a stand still. A pause in time. She had stopped the pain briefly and she wanted to remain in that freeze frame for an eternity because she was happy. She was truly happy. She hadn't felt that happy since she was in high school so many years back. With Nathan.  
  
And, here she was, with Nathan yet again. In her freeze frame that she wished would last. She had held onto his hand that day, holding on tight and now, a few days later, she watched all the events replay in her head. She pretended and let everything fade off into the background. She had taken a few days off work, spending all her time with Nathan.  
  
She was melding into him again.  
  
Caitlin had been spending more time with Brooke but Haley barely noticed. Everything was fading, drifting and she couldn't find the will to care anymore. She was getting so tired of caring and analyzing. Why couldn't she just let things be? Like they were now. What was the point in worrying when in the end, whatever was bound to happen would happen anyway?  
  
She didn't understand before but she did now. Or at least, she liked to think so. She understood that things fell apart and that they could be rebuilt again. She understood that closure and moving on were possible. With Nathan by her, it felt like she understood so much more.  
  
And, that was her mistake.  
  
She was beginning to trust again. It would be broken.  
  
--  
  
"Can you believe it's come down to this?" Brooke asked as she and Caitlin walked down 5th Avenue, browsing around the stores.  
  
"What?" Caitlin asked as she stopped and peered through a window of a store, "Shopping at these overpriced trendy boutiques?"  
  
"No," Brooke said grinning at her words, "That within a span of a week, things would get so flip flopped."  
  
Caitlin paused for a moment before shrugging, "No, I really didn't think it would but then again, what kind of person would?"  
  
"I'm kinda glad things turned out this way though," Brooke admitted honestly.  
  
Caitlin raised an eyebrow in surprise, "What?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm having a hard time believing I said that too but it's better," she nodded with false confidence, "It is."  
  
Caitlin sighed before shrugging, "At least you got away from Nathan." She shook her head, "Which is more then I can say for Haley."  
  
"She's happy with him and as much as I'd like for him to be miserable for his entire life maybe she needs him now. By the way you talk about it, it seems like she could use a little happiness and confidence booster right now."  
  
"I know what you mean," Caitlin looked down sadly, "I'm just not sure Nathan's the one that could give that to her."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Caitlin shook her head and smiled, "Never mind. This is making this trip depressing and shopping should never be depressing."  
  
Brooke grinned unsurely before she nodded, "Okay, if you say so."  
  
--  
  
"Hey stranger," Haley said with a smile as Caitlin walked in, shopping bags in both her hands. "Whatcha been up to?"  
  
"Shopping," Caitlin said with a laugh, "An awful lot of shopping."  
  
"With Brooke?" She asked, the smile fading slightly.  
  
"Yup, I give that girl props for being able to walk that long in high heels."  
  
"Yeah," Haley replied, refusing to let the sadness linger in her voice. "So, you had fun?"  
  
"Yeah," Caitlin said, her brow furrowed. She studied Haley for a moment before asking, "You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah," she said quickly, "I'm fine. Why?"  
  
"You look like you want to say something," Caitlin said bluntly, cocking her head to the side.  
  
"It's just," Haley paused, "I miss you."  
  
Caitlin smiled, "I know and I miss you too but you've got your whole," she waved towards the direction of Haley's bedroom, "Nathan thing and I've got my own," she paused, "thing and so, yeah."  
  
"Yeah," Haley nodded furiously. "Right."  
  
But, it wasn't right.  
  
Their friendship was fading.  
  
--  
  
"Hey Haley, do you have-"  
  
Caitlin tinkle waved as she saw Nathan walk into the living room. "Haley's out right now."  
  
"Oh," Nathan faltered, "Where'd she go?"  
  
"She had to pick up some dry cleaning. She'll be back any minute now."  
  
"Oh," he repeated before turning around awkwardly.  
  
"She's happy, isn't she?"  
  
Nathan stopped for a moment before shrugging, "I think so."  
  
"Because I didn't give you the best friend talk yet but if you're already making her happy then there isn't a point. And, besides, you've already done all you could to hurt her."  
  
Nathan visibly flinched and was thankful that his back was turned towards her. Caitlin wanted to wound him. He knew that. He could name off a million reasons why and she had every right. He just never thought she would actually go through with it.  
  
"I know."  
  
"And, I want to make you promise me that you won't hurt her again but you can't do that, can you?" Caitlin stood up as she took a step closer.  
  
"No, I can't," he said with a sigh, looking up at the ceiling, knowing exactly what she was speaking of.  
  
"You didn't tell her, did you?"  
  
"No, what's the point?" he demanded suddenly.  
  
"The point is that you're lying to her again and if you want to base your relationship on lies then it's just going to hurt her in the end."  
  
"She's not hurting right now," Nathan refuted.  
  
"That's just temporary." Caitlin retorted, "And, you know it."  
  
"What do you want me to say to her?" Nathan demanded, "That I almost kissed you because I was hurting and because I knew it would hurt her too?"  
  
Something dropped onto the floor. Dry cleaning.


	16. Chapter 16

There were some moments in life where you would just know that everything would be different afterwards. These moments were different then every other one, there was something special about them. They altered things, utterly and completely. As Haley stood there, her entire body frozen from shock and uncertainty, she knew that right now she was experiencing one of those moments. She knew this because she felt the exact same way she was feeling right now six years ago. It was the moment where things became crystal clear. It was the moment she realized what a fool she had been for the past week.  
  
She actually believed that maybe, Nathan could change. That maybe, she could change. That they could be happy together. That her best friend would accept Nathan. That things would start to go the way she wanted it to. That maybe, she could be happy. And, she was happy. But, as the words traveled from Nathan's mouth to her ears, she realized that she wasn't happy before. Because, happiness was pure. Bliss was something that everyone strived to achieve. It was simple and true. Her happiness was formed from lies and deceit. So, she wasn't happy. It was all fake.  
  
And, she fell for it. Hard.  
  
The dry cleaning slipped from her fingers as Nathan's confirming words pierced through the air. He wanted to kiss Caitlin because he knew it would hurt her. Because he didn't want to be the only one hurting. Because he wanted her to feel how he was feeling. Because, misery loved company.  
  
She supposed she was an easy target. She was easy to hurt. She was there for Nathan, at his every beck and call. Even after so many years, she still ran to him when he needed help. She suppressed the urge to laugh at herself. God, how could she be so stupid? Shaking her head, Haley stopped herself from reanalyzing her actions because she knew in the end, she would only be berating herself even further and right now, she had to be strong. She refused to let Nathan see that he hurt her. Because, after all, that was what he wanted.  
  
Haley took in a deep breath and walked into the living room where Nathan and Caitlin stood frozen, looking at her, expecting some sort of reaction or movement before they made any further movements themselves. Her brown eyes scanned the room and met Caitlin's, seeing the genuine apology in her eyes. Why didn't Caitlin tell her about this? Haley knew that Caitlin never liked Nathan very much in the first place and so, she supposed that of course, Caitlin would let her know something about his actions, especially something like this. But, her own best friend kept something from her.. secrets, lies, deceit... It was all crumbling down on her now and Haley couldn't help but be confused. How did this kiss come to be? What else had they done together? What else were they keeping from her? She didn't know anything for certain anymore and she wasn't entirely positive she wanted to.  
  
Haley looked back at the open door and resisted the urge to run through it and just fade into the background of New York City, away from the lies of her best friend and the man she was once in love with. The man that she knew she could very easily fall in love with once again. Perhaps, she had already started falling. And, she found it so very hard to stop. She glanced up at him and Haley knew right there and then that she wouldn't stop falling in love with him, even after she asked him to leave, which she knew she would do. And, even after he left New York for good, she would still be falling, perhaps even harder. Because, she had already been through this, six years ago. Nathan had messed up so many times and each and every time, Haley would forgive him. And, after each mistake, she would keep falling.. harder and harder. She promised herself after their break up that she would never fall into another relationship like that.  
  
But, she did. And the ironic thing was, it was the same exact relationship.  
  
She was like one of those girls that she looked down upon and thought were naively stupid. The girl that would always go crawling back to the guy that hurt her, over and over again. And, this time, Nathan didn't hurt her by mistake, he did it intentionally. Did he regret it? It shouldn't even matter at this point but Haley still wanted to know, perhaps, for her own peace of mind. She needed to know if her feelings and emotions even meant a small bit to him or was she simply just a fun pastime, maybe someone to help him move on from Brooke. She stopped herself from going any further, knowing the questions would only hurt herself even more. The person she needed to ask these questions was not her, but Nathan. And, she wouldn't ask Nathan. She would never ask Nathan. She was scared and she also didn't want to know the true answer, afraid that the harsh reality of it all might destroy her for good.  
  
She was already emotionally weak at the moment and she couldn't handle any more hurt. She thought that things would be happier, be different and that maybe, she and Nathan could be happy together. But, Haley saw that now, it would never be. Too much has happened between them and they could never capture what they had in high school. Too much innocence had been lost and too much heartache had been gained. She could continue pretending like she had been doing for the past week, try to move on and maybe forget the memories. But, she saw that she couldn't. They couldn't. Because, they couldn't ignore it... everything would always be there to haunt them.  
  
They had messed up too much. And, the trust was gone.  
  
"Haley..."  
  
She looked up to see Nathan's apologetic face and she could tell he was trying his best to make the situation better. Maybe do some damage control but he knew her and he knew that there was nothing he could do. It would all be pointless in the end. Haley simply shook her head, her arms hanging limply at her side as she walked in the direction of her room.  
  
"Just leave."  
  
--  
  
Nathan found it slightly amusing that he wasn't attracting more attention. After all, it wasn't everyday you say someone walk down a busy sidewalk with what seemed like all their belongings. But, then again, he was in New York and nothing surprised New Yorkers.  
  
He was trying his best to keep his mind off of what had just happened. True, denial wasn't the best policy but right now, he couldn't think about the situation, Haley, Caitlin or even Brooke because if he did, things would get even messier and he needed a clear head right now. He needed to fix things. He didn't want to let Haley slip through his fingers once again like she did six years ago. He had her back for a few sweet days and now, she was gone again. All because of one small kiss that never happened.  
  
He knew why she was mad though and why Caitlin practically demanded that he tell her. It wasn't the fact that it was a kiss, it was the whole idea of it. That Nathan wanted Haley to hurt because he was down and out himself. That he wanted to use Caitlin, the girl that he knew was best friends with the woman that he used to love and perhaps still did, to hurt Haley. The end result was not Caitlin's fault though she did have a large part in it... it was his. If he hadn't made a move to kiss Caitlin, none of this would've happened in the first place.  
  
So many if's and maybe's. He was getting tired of them.  
  
Nathan found his anger slowly rising and he wanted so badly to just strike out and take his frustrations out on the next willing stranger but he knew that if he did, things would only be worse. And, any sort of hope of a reconciliation with Haley would dissipate immediately. He wasn't even sure there was hope at this point but he knew he couldn't make it worse. Even if he thought it couldn't get worse, which he did at this point, he knew it could. That sort of belief was what got him into this mess in the first place. He wasn't stupid enough to make the same mistake twice again.  
  
His hands slipped into his jacket pocket as his head leaned back slightly, his eyes glancing up at the sky, his heart wishing for some sort of sign. Just something to make things better. The tips of his fingers met with the smooth paper of an envelope. Nathan frowned briefly before he took the envelope out of his pocket and examined it quickly. Tickets. Plane tickets. He and Brooke's. Checking the date, he realized that he had scheduled for them to leave in two days. The idea of him leaving New York and Haley had barely entered his mind for the past week, until now. He had completely forgotten. Nathan frowned. Was this the sign that he had been asking for?  
  
Leave. Was that what he was supposed to do?  
  
--  
  
Brooke pushed the covers off of her and she crawled off the hard mattress of the hotel bed. She never could get used to living from hotel to hotel whenever she would do a shoot at some exotic location. She was grateful that she wasn't booked for any other modeling job until the next season. She yawned tiredly as she stumbled into the bathroom, going through her daily morning routine. Something different happened this time though. Something interrupted the normalness she managed to somewhat achieve.  
  
A doorbell.  
  
Brooke frowned at the sound, knowing she didn't make any plans with Caitlin today. She was going to call her to see if she wanted to go out to lunch, maybe Caitlin was thinking the same thing and just decided to surprise her earlier. Shrugging, Brooke walked to the door, opening it up without any hesitance. She wanted to smack herself silly for that mistake.  
  
"Nathan."  
  
--  
  
Nathan stood there for a few waiting moments, silent and still, his planned words suddenly disappearing from his mind and his physical self was left in front of Brooke's hotel room, quiet and frozen. Needless to say, it was a bit awkward at that moment. She looked at him, shocked and expectantly and he wondered to himself why he decided to visit her now, if at all. They were over but things were still tense.  
  
Many things were left unsettled and unsaid. He had a feeling Brooke was okay with that since digging up old memories was something that neither liked to do. With Haley, it was worth effort. It was too bad he couldn't say the same for Brooke. He looked at her now and knew that he didn't love her. He wasn't in love with her and he wanted to say that at some point he was but just didn't want to admit it to himself. But, he couldn't.  
  
Because, it wasn't true. He couldn't feel guilty for that. He felt guilty for the way he treated her but he couldn't feel guilty for not loving her. He couldn't force these emotions inside him, he knew that more then ever now. He couldn't make himself stop loving Haley. And, he couldn't make himself love Brooke.  
  
The thoughts and words slowly drifted back into his head and Nathan sighed heavily, knowing the coming encounter would be more then just awkward. He held up a ticket and handed it over to Brooke. She took it quietly and read over it before she looked up at him, ripping the ticket in half, throwing the pieces back in his face.  
  
"I'm not leaving."  
  
Nathan flinched and looked down, knowing he deserved her cold attitude towards him and probably more. He nodded, "I didn't think you would. But, I am."  
  
"Okay," she said, forcing a tone of passiveness into her voice. She didn't want to still care for him. She wasn't supposed to. They were over, her feelings were supposed to be gone but they were still there, hanging over her. And, she wanted so badly to just reach over and kiss him and try to make things better. Make things fine again. But, she knew now that it wouldn't happen that way.  
  
She wasn't Haley. She wasn't what he wanted. As hard as that was for her to accept, she knew she had to. She was beginning to, which was a start. She was a long way from the finish line but she was getting there. Brooke supposed that was better then nothing.  
  
"I'm staying at the Four Seasons," Nathan said slowly, "If you wanted to-" He paused and looked at her before sighing, his sentence trailing off. "Never mind then."  
  
Brooke remained quiet, staring at him with expecting eyes.  
  
"I'm s-"  
  
"Don't," she said, stopping him. She held up a hand, a small laugh erupting from her throat, "Just don't apologize. I don't think I can handle it if you did." She looked away and leaned against the door, "Just go."  
  
Nathan flinched at the command, the words bringing back memories of the day before. He sighed and turned to walk away but stopped himself. He couldn't leave it at that. She deserved more then that. She deserved more then him. "I know you don't want me to say it," he looked at her with honest eyes, "But, just know that I am."  
  
Brooke bit her lower lip, trying her best to hold back tears as she blinked hard. "Yeah, okay," she said, her voice cracking. "Please, go," she forced out, thankful that he finally began to walk away. She watched as he walked into the elevator, staring at her until the elevator doors closed. It was only then that she let herself break down. She closed the door and leaned against it, the tears flowing down her cheeks as a few sobs escaped from her mouth.  
  
--  
  
Caitlin tapped her fingers against the kitchen table as she moved her spoon around her cereal bowl, pushing the milky substance against the plastic of the bowl. She took a sip of her orange juice and sighed, wanting to get up and knock on Haley's door, knowing that she had already woken up. She glanced up at the clock and saw that it had been a half hour since Haley had woken. She had cluttered around the room but never left it and Caitlin knew it had something to do with her. A whole lot of something.  
  
She looked down at the table, her spirits down as she wished for a fix to the problems that had suddenly arisen. In a span of a few days, her friendship with Haley had begun to fade and now it was dissipating quickly. She wanted to stop it. She didn't want to lose Haley as a best friend but she didn't know what to do. She didn't want to mess up and have Haley ignore her and in the process, lose her as a friend for life. So, she remained at a stand still, not knowing what else to do.  
  
Was she wrong for wanting Nathan to tell Haley the truth? She didn't think so. After all, she was just looking out for her best friend's interests. She didn't want Haley to get hurt again. She didn't want Haley to revert back to the way she was when she first met her, all broken and quiet about her past relationships. Caitlin saw the way Nathan broke Haley down, bit by bit, and wormed his way back into her heart and that scared Caitlin because it just proved how much of a hold he had over Haley. Caitlin sighed, she never wanted Haley to find out in that manner though. She knew that Haley was happy with him, though she has to grudgingly admit this to herself. Haley hadn't smiled that way in so long. The way someone looked when they were falling in love, in this case, all over again. Caitlin sighed, the confusion filling her mind as she looked at Haley's closed door longingly. She wished she could just make herself get up and knock on the door and just talk to her. Haley was her best friend after all, it should've been simple.  
  
But, it wasn't.  
  
Caitlin pushed her cereal bowl away from her in frustration of her helplessness. She hated feeling that way, the loss of control and the utter loneliness she was feeling at the moment. She stood up slowly and dumped the leftover cereal into the sink, watching as it slid down metal of the sink into the drain. She turned on the faucet and washed the bowl and spoon, her eyes glued on the wall, never noticing the scalding water pounding down on her sensitive skin. When she finally snapped back to reality, she dropped the bowl in pain and quickly turned off the faucet, shaking her hands free from moisture. She was so confused and disoriented. God, she was a mess.  
  
Caitlin looked down at herself and shook her head. She couldn't stay in the apartment, just staring at Haley's door, wishing for it to open. She was a woman of action. When she wanted things done, she didn't just sit around and wait for someone to drop from the sky and do it for her, she did it all herself. That was the way she was and the way she had always been. But, when it came to Haley, when it came to her best friend who she truly cared for, things were different. She was cautious. But, cautious didn't fix things. It just stalled things.  
  
Caitlin stuffed her keys into her jeans as she scribbled a note to Haley, leaving it on the kitchen table, leaving the apartment quickly afterwards.  
  
A few moments after the sound of the apartment door clicking shut, Haley emerged from her room. Her face was pale but held an air of strength. Her eyes scanned the room, searching for Caitlin's whereabouts. She walked into the kitchen and picked up the note, her eyes reading over it quickly, the resolve fading from her face. She sighed heavily before crumpling up the note, throwing it into the trash can before she turned around, walking back into her room, shutting the door quietly.  
  
--  
  
Brooke leaned back against the wooden door, closing her eyes tightly as she wished the tears to stop. She jumped from surprise when she heard a sudden but quick knock on the door. She paused for a moment, about to ignore it when it came again. Sniffling, she wiped her eyes and stood up, opening the door, "Nathan, I told you-"  
  
"Nathan?" Caitlin asked in confusion before she took a step into the hotel room, "Oh, god, what did he do now?" Her eyes narrowed, "Have you been crying?"  
  
"It's nothing," Brooke mumbled as she moved to close the door, staring down at the carpet.  
  
"It's not nothing," Caitlin insisted as she walked into the hotel room, sitting on the unmade bed as she looked at Brooke intently, "What'd he do?"  
  
Brooke sighed as she shrugged weakly, "He came over and gave me my plane ticket. I ripped it up and threw it back in his face," she mustered up a small smile, "And, then he told me he was leaving and left."  
  
"No apologies?"  
  
Brooke paused for a moment before she looked away, falling onto the bed with a slight bounce, "You don't plan to let this one go, do you?"  
  
Caitlin looked at her apologetically, "I'm sorry. I'm nosy, I know but I just worry and there was this whole drama between Haley and Nathan. She finally found out."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"How he almost kissed me and it's just," Caitlin sighed heavily, "Rough right now. Haley's kind of trapped herself inside her room. I'm worried about her but I can't do anything."  
  
"I know the feeling," Brooke said as her eyes stared blankly at the wall. They remained in a mutual silence for a few moments before Brooke spoke once again, "I just don't understand why he would come visit me before he left. I thought he stopped caring," she paused, "If he ever cared at all."  
  
"Do you think it was genuine?"  
  
"Yeah," Brooke said unsurely, "I don't know. I'd rather not think about it right now." She bit her lower lip before leaning back against the headboard, "So, you want to go out for lunch or something?"  
  
"Actually," Caitlin looked at her with nervous eyes, "I don't think I have the time. I umm, need your help with something."  
  
"With what?"  
  
"I need to find Nathan."  
  
"You need to what?" ' Caitlin held up her hand and nodded, "I know, kind of unexpected and weird coming from me."  
  
"Yeah," Brooke interrupted, "To say the least."  
  
"Let me finish." She glanced away, "I know you think he's a bastard and I do too but he's the bastard that my best friend's in love with. I don't know if what I'm about to do is right but I can't just sit around waiting for something to happen. I can't just let him leave and watch as Haley drowns herself in her sorrows. She's already starting to break away and she won't talk to me. Nathan is the one that threw her into this and he's the only one that can bring her back."  
  
Brooke looked at her incredulously, "Why are you getting into their business like this? You're just putting yourself in the middle and who's to say it'll even work? It might make things worse."  
  
"I can't sit here and play guessing games. I need to do," Caitlin sighed in frustration, "Something. A part of this is my fault to and I can't stand the fact that I'm part of the reason why my best friend is miserable," she admitted.  
  
"So, you're feeling guilty and you're willing to take a major risk?" Brooke shook her head unbelievingly, "This has nothing to do with you. This is between Haley and Nathan. They're the ones that have to fix this mess that they're in. Not you."  
  
"It doesn't mean I can't help."  
  
"You've helped enough, Caitlin," Brooke argued, "There's nothing else you can do."  
  
"So, you won't help me?"  
  
"I'm done with them." Brooke said decisively, "I'm done with Haley and Nathan and just, everything." She backed away, her hands help up in defeat, "I'm done."  
  
Caitlin looked down in disappointment before she got off the bed, "Okay, I understand and I don't blame you." She sighed heavily before walking towards the door.  
  
Brooke's eyes followed her movements and she felt a pang of uncertainty in her heart. "Wait," she called out before she shook her head, knowing she was about to make a mistake. "He's staying at the Four Seasons. That's all I know."  
  
A small smile emerged onto Caitlin's face as she nodded her thanks, quickly exiting the hotel room.  
  
"I hope you know what you're doing."  
  
--  
  
Caitlin tapped her fingertips against her jeans as she sat in the lobby of the Four Seasons, pondering her next move. She was here. She was in the same building as Nathan Scott and yet she couldn't bring herself to do what she had originally planned to do. She was so close to fixing the mistakes that she had made. All she had to do was find Nathan and bring him back to Haley and then.. she didn't know what would happen then but it would be a start and she couldn't just wait for things to happen because she knew they never would. Haley would never come here and find Nathan without a push, if at all. And, Nathan would never go back to the apartment and he was leaving soon, according to Brooke.  
  
Thus, she had to do something. The question was, what the hell was she going to do? She couldn't exactly go around the hotel, knocking on random doors and hope that the next one would be Nathan's. And, even if she happen to get lucky, what was she going to do then? She knew she wasn't Nathan's favorite person at the moment and he sure as hell wasn't hers. She couldn't convince him to go back with her. Who was to say he would want to anyway?  
  
Letting out a heavy sigh, Caitlin pushed the hair out of her face, fed up with her own thoughts, as she walked with false confidence to the main desk. She flashed what she hoped was a charming smile at the clerk, her eyes glancing down at his name tag, "Hello, James. Can you please give me the room number for a Mr. Nathan Scott?"  
  
James paused for a moment, sending her an uncertain look, "We're not allowed to-"  
  
"Oh, I know, privacy issues," she interrupted before she could finish, "But, I'm his fiancé and I wanted to give him a little surprise. He doesn't even know I'm here," Caitlin lied easily and smoothly. "I'm not asking for a key, just a number." She finished with another smile, keeping it on, hoping she would crack him. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the clerk's uncertainty. Damn, just make a choice already! Her cheeks were starting to hurt.  
  
"Alright," he ceded, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he focused on the monitor, "Mr. Nathan Scott is in Room No. 245. The elevators are that way," he pointed straight behind her.  
  
Caitlin clicked her tongue against the side of her mouth as she grinned, "Thanks, James. I owe you." She whipped around and strode across the lobby floor, entering a just closing elevator. She cleared her throat nervously as she let out a sigh, her shaky hand going up to press the button labeled 2. It glowed back at her and she stared at it for a few moments until the elevator reached the floor. Why the heck was she so nervous? Nathan didn't matter to her. It shouldn't make any difference to her. But, Nathan mattered to Haley. And, Haley mattered to her. In a winding chain, Nathan had a connection to her and she couldn't mess this up.  
  
She took a few cautious steps, out the elevator and onto the carpeted floor of the hallway. It was empty and for that she was grateful. She didn't want any curious eyes glancing her way as she simply stood there in the middle of the hallway, unmoving and uncertain of her next action.  
  
A part of her knew that Brooke was right in her words. This situation was between Nathan and Haley and it was true that they should be the ones to fix things, make a move or something of that sort. Not her. But, she needed to help. She knew this because Nathan would leave and Haley would be miserable. Haley wasn't even speaking to her at the moment and Caitlin was also worried that after Nathan left, Haley would just bury herself in her room, detached from everyone, including her.  
  
That possibility killed a part of her. It scared her. Caitlin nodded to herself, mustering up enough courage and followed the posted directions. She soon found herself in front of Room 245. She lifted her hand, curling it into a fist, about to knock when something stopped her.  
  
This wasn't right.  
  
She couldn't deny that. She wasn't supposed to be here. She wasn't Haley and it wasn't her place to try to fix a problem that wasn't hers. She wanted to help her best friend but this wasn't the way. Brooke was right. She did want a quick fix. She wanted to help but this wasn't the way to do it. She couldn't just push herself in the middle of this when the situation was fragile and complicated enough. Letting out a heavy sigh, she let her hand drop to her side as she backed away, shaking her head.  
  
What was she going to do now?  
  
--  
  
She was reading but she had no idea what.  
  
Haley's eyes reached the page of the book she was holding in the palm of her hand but the words never entered her mind. They were all jumbled now, mixing into a whirlwind of confusion. She couldn't focus on anything now. The only thing that seemed to plague her mind was the forlorn look on Nathan's face as she closed her door and guilt that lied in Caitlin's eyes as she walked away.  
  
She shouldn't feel this. What was this? Guilt? Haley suppressed the urge to laugh at herself. Why the hell was she feeling guilty? She was the victim here. The book fell from her hands and onto the floor yet Haley barely noticed, her thoughts consuming her. It was true though, she did feel bad. She felt bad for what she was doing to herself and what she knew she was putting Nathan and Caitlin through. She wasn't even sure she was angry, just confused and desperate for answers that she feared. She felt.. betrayed? No, that wasn't the right word. She would've felt anger towards the two if she did. She only felt anger towards herself, at her own stupidity for falling so hard again. She felt so helpless and she just wanted to breathe.  
  
It felt like she was suffocating, drowning in pain and she couldn't handle the intensity of it all. She wanted to travel back in time to the few days she spent with Nathan, just ignoring everything else, focused only on each other. She wanted to travel back in time to where she and Caitlin could just sit on the couch and watch TV or discuss the course of their day, laughing and enjoying each other's company.  
  
She just wanted to be happy again.  
  
Why was it so hard? Was she making it hard on herself? Was she the reason why this happiness was kept from her? Maybe, it was. Maybe, she was acting like Nathan now, refusing to get up when pushed down. She was never like that before. Though she was never the type of person to strike first, she would always fight back and stand her ground when she was attacked. So, why was she giving up now?  
  
Was that even what it was, giving up? It sure seemed like it. She was shutting herself out from life and Nathan was right. She was running away again. It seemed like that was what she always did. She was pushing herself further and further into the depths of isolation because she was confused and hurt. Instead of pushing back and trying to fix things, she was giving up because she was tired. And, she was scared. And, she didn't know if she had the strength to fix things again. She wanted happiness, but what was the price for it?  
  
Haley buried her head into her hands, her fingers digging into her scalp, trying her best to sort out her thoughts, not even noticing when Caitlin stepped through the door.  
  
Caitlin stood frozen yet again in place, surprised that Haley was in front of her instead of locked away in her room. The surprise quickly faded as Caitlin saw what position Haley was in. She moved forward and cleared her throat, her tone soft, "Are you okay?"  
  
Stupid question. Caitlin inwardly smacked herself upside the head.  
  
Haley laughed quietly at the question, shrugging, "I don't know anymore."  
  
Caitlin could hear the truth shining through in her dull tone and resisted the urge to flinch. What happened to Haley? What did she, as the supposed best friend, do to her? She was so... different.  
  
Before the past two weeks, Haley was strong, confident and on the path to success at her new job. She was fun and goofy but she was always closed up inside. She didn't date much and she never gave her heart away. Then, Nathan came and turned her world upside down.  
  
And, what was Haley's description now?  
  
As Caitlin watched her through pained eyes, she saw how raw and broken.. how confused she was. And, she wanted to just reach out and hold her.. and help her. Caitlin took a step forward, kneeling down beside Haley, taking her hands in her own and gripped her tightly. "I'm sorry."  
  
The statement was simple. But, it was enough. 


	17. Chapter 17

Haley felt the warmth of Caitlin's embrace and she sniffled, pulling her best friend closer and hugging her, breaking down in her arms. It felt safe and familiar. And as Caitlin hugged her tighter, Haley found it hard to remember why she was ignoring her in the first place. It came back to her though and she pulled away gently, her eyes brimming with tears.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked softly, cautious, hoping the answer wouldn't shatter her.  
  
"I didn't want to hurt you," Caitlin replied honestly, "I know it was stupid of me but I thought it would be better if he told you. The kiss, it didn't happen and I'm thankful for that."  
  
Haley nodded slightly, a few things cleared up inside her mind as she looked away sadly, "He did it to hurt me though."  
  
"He did it before he got to know you again," Caitlin said, "I remember that night and I remember how cold he was. Like he was numb inside."  
  
"And, how is he now?" Haley asked quietly, "Still the same," she answered her own question, shaking her head in bitter contempt. "I'm so stupid."  
  
"No, don't say that," Caitlin said forcefully, "This isn't your fault." She paused for a moment, debating how to go about her next piece of news, "He apologized to Brooke, you know?"  
  
"What?" Haley's head snapped up in surprise, "He what?"  
  
"Yeah, that was my reaction too."  
  
"What?" Haley found it hard to formulate words, "Why?"  
  
"I think he's trying to," Caitlin paused and sighed, "Change? I guess that's the right word."  
  
"A little late," Haley mumbled.  
  
"But, better then never," she argued back.  
  
Haley's eyes narrowed, "Why are you defending him?"  
  
Caitlin looked at her with nervous eyes, biting her lower lip as she started, "I know that I'm overprotective and that I have control issues. I know that I've been unfair to him and you both. And, I'm trying to make up for that. I know that he makes you happy and that you've smiled much more this past week then you have in all the time that I've known you. And, it ended, partially due to me."  
  
"Okay," Haley said slowly, not denying or agreeing with her words, "And?"  
  
"And," Caitlin paused, letting out a heavy breath, "I want you to have that again. He's really leaving, Haley. He has plane tickets and everything. Don't let him slip away."  
  
Haley stared at Caitlin in utter shock and surprise, never expecting those words to come out of her mouth, of all people. Instead of questioning her for her reasons why, she said simply, "It's too late."  
  
"No, it's not." Caitlin argued, "I know where he's staying, his room number. You could go over there, right now. You can make things better."  
  
"Things aren't going to get better," Haley snapped, "It's the truth. We've tried it, the whole moving on thing. It didn't work. You saw how that worked out."  
  
"Why do you always do this?" Caitlin asked, her voice strained, "You're so close, Haley, so close. And, you're giving up and running away, again." She paused, her tone softer and quieter, "I don't want to see you lock yourself inside your room, crying your heart out again. Do you remember that? For so long, I watched you just tear yourself apart and I wanted to help but I couldn't. Now, I can and I'm going to."  
  
She remained quiet for a few moments, contemplating before she spoke again. "I love him," Haley revealed honestly, Caitlin's words penetrating through her mind, "But it won't work." She laughed harshly, "It never did and it never will."  
  
Caitlin sighed in momentary defeat, "If you really loved him, you wouldn't be saying that."  
  
Haley was slightly taken aback at her words. The truth in them hitting her hard as she slowly stood up, reaching out for a source of stability, her hand finally resting against her hip. Caitlin looked at her intently, hoping that she finally got through to her.  
  
Haley paled significantly as she looked up at Caitlin, desperate for guidance, "What can I do now? Even if I was willing to try."  
  
"You can stop him from leaving," Caitlin said softly, "That would be a start. And, then, work out your problems, now that everything is finally laid out. I'm sure you were getting somewhere before. Just don't," she paused, "don't give up again."  
  
Haley looked away, her mind contemplating all the consequences that could occur if she did go after Nathan and what would happen if she didn't. This was her choice now, she knew. She could go after him and risk heartache and pain but she could finally get the closure she wanted and maybe, finally moving on, with Nathan. She loved him. She was honest to Caitlin and herself when she said it. She knew it when she asked him to leave and she knew it now, as she was mulling over her decision. She loved him, deeply. And, because of that, she knew she forgave him for all his blunders.  
  
Maybe, she shouldn't have and maybe, she would regret it but she did. Because, she loved him.  
  
Haley repeated this to herself as she looked at the open door of her bedroom, a symbol of her life before, of what she was before. Shut out, broken, and alone. Not willing to love again and unwilling to forgive. Who was she now?  
  
The distance she had traveled emotionally had brought her to this point where everything was finally coming to a close. She was near an ending, with either choice but the question was, which one would she pick? It was between something solid and something uncertain. If she chose to stay at the apartment, knowing that Nathan was on a flight, leaving her life forever, she would be free from more additional heartache. From uncertainties and from life. She knew she would shut herself out for a few months before Caitlin would lure her out from her room, picking up the leftover pieces and try her best to make her whole again. She would go on with her life, a part of her always regretting what she never had the nerve to do.  
  
Or, she could go to Nathan's hotel room and ask him to stay. She didn't know if he would. She didn't know if they would work even if he did stay. She didn't know what the future held for her if she chose that path. But, it didn't matter.  
  
Because, that was life and that was love. It was uncertain. It was a rush and it was passionate. It was what Nathan was to her. And, she couldn't lose that.  
  
The realization entered her eyes and Haley looked up at Caitlin, her decision made. Caitlin smiled as she saw Haley's head snap up, her eyes filled with the energy from her epiphany.  
  
"Caitlin..."  
  
"I know," she simply smiled, "The Four Seasons. Room number 245."  
  
Haley reached forward and hugged Caitlin tightly, whispering into her ear, "Thank you." She leaned back and smiled nervously before she ran out the door, heading for the hotel.  
  
Her path ahead was winding and shaky and nothing was concrete. She was not certain if she was making the right now by giving Nathan and them another chance. And, she was not certain if it would end the dream like way she had always imagined. She was not certain if he would love her forever, like he promised so many years ago. And, she was not certain if their feelings for one another would not waver. She was not certain of anything but she was tired of staying in the calm, always wanting to be a part of life but never taking the chance to jump in and live the way she wanted to.  
  
She was no longer an onlooker. She had taken the jump.  
  
She just hoped she would land on solid ground.  
  
--  
  
The hotel room was nice, Nathan supposed. Though at the price he paid for it, it should've been more then just nice. It couldn't have been though, unless the Four Seasons now offered their very own Haley James and he just wasn't aware of it. Nathan sighed as he packed up the last of his things, piling his shirt neatly into the plastic luggage box before zipping it shut. He checked the time. He still had a few minutes before the bell boy was supposed to come up and help with his luggage. He supposed that aspect of the stay was more then nice. It was convenient and easy.  
  
Right now, he wanted to make things as easy as they could get. He sighed heavily as he sat down numbly on the hotel bed, the mattress conforming to his weight. Nathan ran his fingertips down the smooth cotton of the bedding, trying his best to sort out his thoughts. He hadn't stopped thinking. Though the focus of his thoughts had been varied, he found himself thinking about Haley the most and the time he spent with her. He thought about what he did, what he could've done and what he didn't do. The last plagued his mind the most.  
  
All that wasn't done. All that wasn't said.  
  
He didn't tell her the truth and that led him here. He should've learned to be more honest and forthcoming after that but it was so hard to break old habits. Sure, in his head, he'd tell himself what he should do. There was a long distance between should do and actually doing. He seemed to always find himself falling short of that distance. Haley had made him see that he needed to change and that it was possible for him. He just didn't know how. He wasn't entirely sure he was capable of change but in the few days he spent with her, he'd like to believe that he was capable. And, that maybe one day he would be worthy of her.  
  
Because, he knew he wasn't. She was meant to be with someone else. Someone that didn't lie to her. Someone that didn't hurt her. Someone that she could trust. Someone that was stable.  
  
Someone that would stay, be stubborn and profess their love for her.  
  
It was another thing that he didn't do... tell her that he was still in love with her. He thought it was better that she didn't know as it would complicate things even further. Now, he just wished he could tell her, one last time. She didn't have to reply or even react. He just wanted her to know. To know that he was sorry for what he did and didn't do and that his love for her never faded.  
  
He didn't tell her though and now he didn't even have the chance. True, he could've been selfish and stayed, begging for her forgiveness. But, it wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him to leave. He knew he had made many mistakes and he couldn't afford another. He wasn't close to repaying her for her kindness and hope in him, though he let her down in the end. And, he knew, he couldn't make up for all the destruction he'd caused but he could do one thing.  
  
And, that was leave.  
  
Because, she wanted it and he owed it to her, to grant her at least one wish though he wanted to fulfill all of them. He wasn't capable of it and now, he knew that he wasn't the one who was meant for the job of making her dreams and wishes come true. He wanted to be, desperately. He was so close to just breaking down and staying but he couldn't. It wasn't what she wanted. And, he didn't want to hurt her again.  
  
He loved her. So much that he was willing to let her go.  
  
Nathan's head snapped up when he heard the knock on the door. This was his last chance to back out but as he stood up and walked towards the door, he knew his decision was made. He wasn't going to be a coward this time. He would follow through and leave. It was what she wanted, he had to keep reminding himself. Opening the door, he started to talk, not looking up until mid-sentence. "The bags are in there and-"  
  
His voice cut off as he saw who it was. The Four Seasons had exceeded 'nice' as there in front of him was none other then Haley James.  
  
She was quiet for a few moments before she finally cleared her throat, managing a weak, "Hey."  
  
She was nervous. This much he could tell. He didn't even try to hide his surprise as he mustered up a shocked, "Hey," in return. He paused for a moment, staring at her in amazement, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Haley laughed suddenly at his question, shaking her head and looking down at herself, "I'm not sure." She stopped herself and sighed, "No, actually I am. For once, I am." She looked into his eyes, "I don't want you to leave, Nathan."  
  
The declaration added on to the growing list of surprises for Nathan that night as he simply stared at her, dumbstruck. "W-What?" he stuttered. "But, you said-"  
  
"I know." Haley said quickly, interrupting him, "But, I was wrong and I just, I can't let you leave without you knowing that I'm still completely in love with you." And, there it was. Out.  
  
She said what she needed to say and it was up to him now. Haley had been analyzing plenty on the way to the hotel, millions of thoughts and possibilities whizzing through her head. She didn't know if Nathan would leave after her visit but she knew that if he did, she wanted him to know at least that. That she still loved him. She didn't think she could live with herself if she didn't tell him.  
  
Haley felt her breathing stop for a moment as the air suddenly grew thin, and everything became hazy. She could feel the repercussions of her actions hitting her as her mind began to jump to conclusions due to his lack of an answer. It all fled though as the air entered her lungs once again and she was breathing hard, her eyes glazed over. She remained silent.  
  
He should say something. Thousands of different words and phrases ran through his mind as he contemplated his answer. He knew he should say something but he didn't know what he could say or what he was supposed to say. He could feel a tingle inside him but he couldn't put that into words. He wanted to tell her that the feeling was returned but every manner he could express that seemed to fall short. And, he couldn't fall short.. he couldn't mess up, not this time.  
  
And, so he remained silent, staring at her, hoping she would see the answer in his eyes.  
  
She felt dizzy again and had the sudden urge to burst into tears as her proclamation went unanswered. She knew the possibility of this would happen though, she just didn't believe it actually would. She just thought that it would be different. Especially after... she stopped herself, cursing her own stupidity and brash actions. She began to back away before something stopped her.  
  
An interruption.  
  
"Hello, sir," the bellboy said cheerily, unaware of the tension in the air, "You're Mr. Scott, right?"  
  
Nathan was silent for a few dazed moments before he finally replied, "Yeah, yeah."  
  
"I'm here to pick up your luggage," he said, keeping his tone friendly. He moved closer and frowned momentarily when Nathan didn't move. "You are leaving, correct?"  
  
It was another question. More obvious then the last subtle one. It was easier. Nathan smiled, and shook his head, "No, I'm not."  
  
The bellboy frowned at this before he turned to walk away, "Oh, well..."  
  
The rest of his sentence faded away as Nathan kept his eyes fixed on Haley. He smiled at her. She smiled back, relieved.  
  
And, for that moment, things were right again.  
  
-- 


End file.
